This isn't just one story, it's about an awesome fucking weekend.
Before I get to the good shit, there always has to be a little back story. I was dating my high school girlfriend in college. Not bro, but it happens. I end up dumping her because long distance skype sesh's don't get you laid. I proceeded to dump her, to see what college was all about.
It was a Thursday night, and being newly single I figured I'd have the goal of the trifecta for the weekend. Three nights, three sluts. My bro's and I proceeded to the first party of the weekend. Huge dance party, free jello shots, decent time. One of my bro's was wing manning for a fellow bro, and pulled the “have you met Joe” (Barney from how I met your mother voice) line. Worked like a fucking charm per usual. Now we got a crew of bitches, and are heading back to the dorms.
My boy and I proceeded to bang these two sluts, I'd give the chick I fucked like a 7. Sub par, I know. Anyways once I nut, I throw my bro a text and let him know that I'm not trying to have a fucking sleepover. I tell my girl that the other wants to head out, and my bro does the same. They leave, night 1 of the weekend accomplished.
Friday night. Bros and I pregame, hard as always, go to a party searching for prospects. I was having an off night. One of those where either I was too drunk, and the girls I was pursuing were too sober.
I obviously did what any bro would do in the state of mind I was in, hit up an easy prospect. I was keeping my weekend end goal in mind. Needless to say I ended up fucking this 8. Rockin body, just way to easy.
Saturday night. I was happy with my number up until this point, just not happy with the quality. I wanted a fucking challenge.
This girl down the hall was the biggest fucking tease known to man. Being a bro, I knew what to do. Beat her at her game.
Luckily, it was her birthday. So I knew she was looking for a good time, just unsure of whether she would actually give it up.
My bros and I go to her birthday party. Party was lame as fuck. So many cocks because this girl is such a tease. I proceeded to go up and work a little magic, put in a few words with her, birthday hug etc.
I go back to my Bro's and just wait. Any of you guys know, that the thing about a tease, is to 100% never act like you want to fuck her. So I just wait. Sure enough, 20 minutes later, she comes over and starts giving me shit for not talking to her.
I was catching her attention by not paying attention to her, right on plan.
We chatted for a bit, and she ends up walking away. Saying to my bro's, this attention whore is about to try to make me jealous. She is immediately swarmed with cocks when she leaves my side. I tell my bro's to watch her eyes while she is getting hit on, and obviously they tell me she is continuing to peek over at me. Clearly this bitch think's she is going to win, so I end up just leaving her party. Bold move, I know.
Sure enough, this tactic works. Birthday girl ends up catching up with me in the hall way. I know this girl is a freak. So while working a little game, I begin to work into the mix hooking up in a fucking crazy spot.
She tells me she has always wanted to fuck on the basketball court in the back of our dorm building.
Obviously, I was stoked and it worked out perfectly. This chick was absolutely insane in bed. She wouldn'y kiss me (said it causes feelings) some straight porn star shit. I fucking loved it. She continuously told me how big my dick was. And I believed her because my back was taking a beating from her nails.
We wrap it up and I head over to my bro's place. I tell him about the weekend, and about the crazy lay I just had from the tease. He calls bullshit, and I told him that my back fucking hurts so there may be some evidence. I show him it, and he said it was dripping blood.
Felt fucking great after this trifecta accomplishment.
I'd love to see a photo of this guy who can barely live with himself after fucking 7s and 8s. And I'm not calling bullshit on his story but nails aren't the only thing that could make one's back bleed. For instance, he could have gotten those cuts from age old wrestling techniques.
“I picked the wrong goddamn night to go down on her”
Or perhaps a prison camp.
Or maybe even while practicing for his role as Jesus Christ in the on-campus production of “Passion of the Christ.”
“Me, that hurts!”
All I'm saying is there is lot of reasonable doubt from where I'm sitting.
Here's my fucking story, nice and sweet:
I live in NJ, but my dad and I are big Louisville Cardinals fans, so we decided to go the big east championship basketball game. We ate a disgustingly diabetic amount of hot dogs and fries, and left the place smelling like shit and feeling like fucking champs. Go back to my town, get dropped off at this party and take this bitch up to her room. I start finger blasting her with 3 other people sitting on her bed and kick those assholes out of there. I demand she suck my dick. She starts removing my clothes, but no way in hell I was taking off my Peyton Siva jersey after that game. So I pull her on to my cock, fucked her raw dog, had the decency to cum inside her, and then went to McDick's and got shit off the value menu. What a night.
Normally I skip over posting such a short story but there was something in his tone, and the way he felt like the fucking man, that really spoke to me. To us all, really.
This story takes me back to July of 2011. I just finished my fourth year of college with no foreseeable end in sight. My buddy who we'll call JM just graduated from a legit party school from Rhode Island and I was still going to a lame CUNY school in the city. My cousin's band from Boston was playing a show in the city and I got my buddy JM to go with me. Being from Long Island we took the train into the city and pounded beers on the way.
On the way, JM told me about a recently turned legal college freshman he knew from his job who lived in the city now who just so happened to have a friend and was looking to party. It sounded like a good plan and it was put into the back of my mind.
Drinking was the current task at hand.
When we got in to Penn my buddy JM went to meet up with the girl he knew and I went to meet another friend, who we'll call Regs at a biergarten in the city. This marks the beginning of the end. At the beirgarten we slammed three 32oz. stiens off good german beer. I then left to meet up with JM and the girls at the venue my cousins band was playing. There we all got introduced, slammed more beers, and listened to some pretty decent music. We then decided to keep the party going and get a hotel. I got my mom to get me a discounted room at the Marriot in Times Square, not too shabby of a spur of the moment fuck shack. So JM, his young hottie, the hotties slutty hot friend and myself are in the room, all smashed and hanging out. JM comes up with the brilliant idea of balling out and ordering champagne and strawberries from room service for our dates. cart comes up, we all pour a glass, toast and began hooking up. JM is going at it with his girl licking whip cream and strawberries off this hottie's tits. I myself am in a drunken horny stupor and decide to go to town on my date's box. I've never met this girl in my life and barley remember her name and was going to town on her muff like it was my fucking job. We switch it up and start fucking. She's on top riding my dick like its the rodeo championship or some shit. We take a brake and I start finger banging her. While doing so I decide its time to brake my brown cherry and slip a finger into this chicks asshole. She's loving it and is biting my neck lick a fucking vampire going crazy. She finally finishes or gives up out of exhaustion and we roll off each other only to pass out like drunk hobos.
We all wake to and awkward and hungover morning. We tucked our tails, ducked out of the hotel, drop these chicks off at the subway and got the fuck out of the city ASAP. I had to live with hickeys the size of paintball welts on my neck for a week and the fact I ate some random chicks snatch like it was apple pie and fingered her asshole all in the same night. The whole time next to my passed out buddy JM who was never able to seal the deal that night.
Our last submission today isn't a story, but rather, an email from a former frat Bro who isn't impressed by how a lot of you tell a story.
I've read a lot of hook up heroes, and I was a frat guy 20+ years ago…these young tools need to know they should focus their stories on the women, not Natty Light and Captain Morgan — we all drank beer, and Captain Morgan is a chicks' drink, Losers! Further, I think you should boycott every story that implies anyone drank an energy drink + alcohol — Pussies! Couldn't finish…too tired to finish…too drunk to finish…Learn how to party, Dorks!
I don't know what the shit he is looking for but he should check out the Romance Novel section in his grocery store.
Submit your Hook Up Heroes stories here.
[Trifecta photo via ShutterStock]
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