by J. Camm on November 26, 2012

Over winter break of my junior year of college, my entire family went on a cruise in the Caribbean. Fresh off of a semester abroad and feeling like a boss, I hoped that this cruise could continue the streak I'd been on.

A couple of days into the cruise, I spot a pretty cute girl, greasy little slider, on the way back from some expedition. Blonde hair, great ass, amazing tits, cute face, good stuff all around. For all intents and purposes, lets call her B. I notice that she has an open seat next to her on the little boat back taking us to the cruise ship, so I take the seat next to her and strike up a conversation.

After striking up a conversation, I found out she was a freshman in college and was a dancer for major SEC school – and not one of the busted ones. After exchanging names and room numbers, we parted ways.

Later that night, I called her and we ended up meeting up for drinks. With a couple of our younger cousins around, we just made out a bit and called it a night but made plans to see each other again. So the next night, we end up meeting up again, but this time without the little ones. We have a little bit to drink, and I ask her if she wants to go back to her room. She does, we start hooking up, and I go for insertion, when suddenly it hits me that not only have I not taken care of business in the past week because I had been sharing a room with my cousin, but I also hadn't had sex without being absolutely shitfaced in months. As I took the plunge of death trying to think about ANYTHING that would keep my mind off of cumming immediately – accounting, subway sandwiches, state capitals – I lost control and came nearly immediately. She was clearly pretty embarrassed for me, and after I apologized profusely and told her (around 1,000 times) this wasn't normal, we parted ways.

A couple days went past without me calling her, and I decided I might as well call her because I have nothing else to lose. She sounded a bit reluctant, but in the end obliged. So we met up on the deck of the ship, and just kind of talked for a while, not really drinking. After a while, things got kind of touchy feely again, and I sensed that I was going to get a second chance. I was nervous, because I was still extremely sober, had only taken care of business 1 time the day before in the shower, and we'd effectively just had around 30 minutes of pretty intense foreplay. Plus she's hot, arguably out of my league.

Anyway, both of our rooms were occupied so I told her we should go to one of the cabana's on the deck of the ship. The cabana is basically just a little beach tent with a comfy chair in it. Once we get in the cabana, we start going at it, tearing each other's clothes off etc. As I went for insertion again, it was like deja vu. I couldn't believe it. I tried it again, to think of the most boring thing imaginable, but it just felt too good. Against every fiber of my being I pulled out just before I was about to come (it had been no more than 30 seconds) and spun away from her in the cabana and just sprayed the back wall of the cabana with a thick coating of ectoplasm.

At this point, I turn around and just hung my head. I was so ashamed, the thought of just jumping off the deck doesn't seem all of that bad. Then I hear a pretty surprised, “What…what's going on?” I gave her a blank stare, and she is like, “come on, let's keep going!”

Then it hit me. When I turned around she still had her eyes closed and had no idea that I had came. Playing it off dumb, I said I had something in my eye, and mustered a 3/4 erection, and somehow finished the job off without her realizing what happened. Whew.

We ended up hooking up for the rest of the cruise, and under the calming influence of an open bar, I was able to finish off without anymore pre-mature fireworks…but I still thank God for “the Spin” move. The best part is that when I walked her back to the elevator she voluntarily offered, “you were right, you really can last a while!”

Although it makes for a interesting story, that should NEVER happen because it's TOTALLY avoidable. If you ever feel it coming on too soon, pull out and munch her box while you cum all over the bed spread (or floor) and then rub it in with your free hand. Works every time. 

This is my favorite story from college because I know it will never happen ever again now that I am in the real world. The night started my last summer semester of college. I had 2 credits left to graduate so I was just becoming an obsessive alcoholic and literally drinking every night in excess.

I'm at a campus bar and it is getting late on a Tuesday night. I'm absolutely turned out and searching for some strange to straggle home with me. I'm standing by the bar ordering a drink for me and my boy when an unbelievably gorgeous girl comes up (let's call her Jennifer) and starts shooting the shit with me. I'm a decent looking tall guy but I am in no way a Ryan Gosling. One thing leads to another and she ends up saying that she is in a “hard” class in my major and she needed help. Now, the last thing I wanted to talk about was school but I was going to do anything to get ass. As I was about to ask for her number, my drunk buddy leans over my shoulder and yells “Hey, where the fuck is my drink.” I was furious but Jennifer recognized my intent, took my phone out of my hand, and gave me her number.

We end up closing down the bar and on my way out, I see Jennifer stranded by herself outside. She asked me to walk her home so of course I abide by all her requests. The bullshit is I didn't even get to fuck that night. I walked her back to her place, she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said thank you. Trust me, I tried everything but my game must have been like JaVale McGee that night. I'm usually a giant asshole but I played it so nice because this girl was so good looking.

Now this story is pretty shitty so far but it is necessary for the rest of the tale.

A few days later I'm at the same bar and I'm ridiculously trashed and horny (I had been on about a month dry spell). It's turning out to be a fun night but nothing was really going my way. But right then, a throwback floozy (let's call her Mary) texted me and says she wants a romping for old times sake. I ditch the bars and walk back to my apt and arrive right as a rival fraternity van is dropping her off. Needless to say there was about 10 words exchanged before my room turned into a drunk floor routine. She wasn't the best looking girl but good lord she was nasty in the sheets. So I blow my man chowder all over her and get cleaned up. Right then and there, my phone blows up. It's 2am and it's Jennifer from the other night.  I'm in the bathroom while Mary is getting cleaned up in my room. I pick up and the first thing Jennifer says is “I'm really drunk and horny, and I want you to spend the night.”. I tell her I will be there in 10 min. Well, she says hurry or it will have to be another night. I start getting prepared for another session by simply washing my dick in the sink with Old Spice body wash (didn't have time to shower, and don't act like you haven't attempted to do this before). Now I have to get Mary out of my place and fast but I'm way to drunk to drive. Just my luck her brother calls her and says he is right around the corner. So I walk Mary out of my apt to be greeted by her brother sitting there in his car. After an awkward stare and a generally understanding of “yes, your sister is a whore,” she gives me a hug and takes off. Jennifer calls me again and tells me to hurry because she is about to fall asleep. I don't even lock up my apt, I just take off drunkenly running in Sperry’s. I've been running for about 5 minutes now and I'm a block away from her apt when a cop pulls up with his lights on.

“What are you doing running right now buddy.” I didn't even try to bullshit. I literally told him the truth. “I've got a hookup on deck and I have to get there before she passes out.”

The cop didn't say a word, just looked me up and down and then muttered, “good luck,” before he drove off.

I called Jennifer back and thankfully she was awake. What ensued was some of the best sex I've ever had. She was absolutely wild and loved the fact that I could “last forever.” I woke up the next morning, got some morning dome, and conference called my boys to tell them why I left the bar so early. Needless to say I walked a little taller that day. Two girls within 3 hours that wouldn't have ever happened if it wasn't for some stars aligning and a very understanding cop.

And because I know you guys all love reading stories you defintiely don't believe are true, so here's your “NO WAY IN FUCK IS THIS TRUE, But It Possibly Could Be True Becuase None of Us Were There” Story of the Week.

My parents decided to leave me an open house a few years back on New Year’s Eve. I was a senior in high school, so naturally a party ensued. Along came my athlete bros accompanied by my girlfriend’s cheerleading skanks…friends. This might be long, but you’ll enjoy…

About 30 people showed up, more chicks than dudes (the entire cheerleading team) prancing around my house in thongs, booty-shorts, and skimpy-ass bras. Now, I said I had a girlfriend – fuck me right? Well, this chick was a captain of the cheerleading team, had C tits, six pack, and a “10” ass that looked flawless in jeans (yoga pants are for fucking cheaters). I watched said girlfriend slam a triple shot of Jager with her friends around 10-11 and promptly got hard at the very site. I picked her up and brought her to my room. And here we go…

She began topping me off as soon as we got to the room, but then stopped and left without saying a word. There I am laying on my bed naked – slightly fucked up and sporting a raging bone piece. Just as I was about to get pissed she came back in the room, looked at me, and said “Remember I told you I had one more Xmas present for you?”….which is when the other captain of her slut-leading team appeared in the doorway – bra and thong. If my girlfriend was a 10, this chick wasn’t far behind. A blonde bombshell, short, bigger tits, and ass like that.

I was speechless, but before I could say anything these 2 started sucking each other’s face like it was going out of style. So I did what any bro would do in this situation and went for the 3-way kiss – promptly got pushed away. Went in again, got pushed away. What- the-fuck. And then the blonde chick took off my girl’s bra, who quickly returned the favor. They came and laid right next to me, still not letting me touch them. They simultaneously took each other’s bottoms off and began kissing/dry humping the living fuck out of one another completely naked. At this point I was about to beat my dick into a pulp. And then it happened. They stopped kissing, whispered and told me to stand up, which I did real fucking fast. They crawled off the bed, got on their knees, and took turns blowing me for god knows how long. What the hell could be better than this?

The blonde chick got up off her knees and starting flicking the bean right in front of us – moaning, the whole deal. My girl pushed me on the bed and immediately, said “Get ready” and swung her legs over the blonde’s head. They were 69’ing inches from me. I wanted to cry tears of joy, but I held my shit together.

I jumped right down to the blonde’s box and took turns munching with my girl, yeah that happened. Then they started kissing / dry humping again, naturally I got between both of their legs and ate 2 boxes at once. Ate one, lifted my head 2-inches, ate the other. Glorious. I eventually raw-dogged both of them with no regret. Stood up, fucked one doggy while she ate the other on the bed.

Who fucking knows how long this all went on, but I needed to blow. I told them to lay next to each other so I could blow on their sweet tits, and they happily obliged – and blow I did, all over both of them. I’ve never busted a sweeter nut. And on my grandfather’s grave (playing that card) the blonde instantly starting licking my kids off my girl’s tits, with my girl following her lead right after. And you bet your sweet scrotum they kissed when they were finished.

We got dressed and went back out to the party. Everyone was shit-faced so nobody even asked where we were. The ball had apparently dropped 20 minutes before we came out, I didn’t give a single goddamn fuck. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

I'd just like to note that he signed his email “Johnny Football,” which was very Nada Surf of him. 

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