Don't look now but a guy named Tiger Woods is in contention in a golf tournament. In fact he's leading the thing as I write this. And if he makes a successful comeback it'll be huge. Like bigger than the McRibb. O.K., maybe not THAT big -- the McRibb is goddamn tasty -- but pretty amazing nonetheless. So I hope Tiger pulls out a win, golf needs him and this column can always use a good serial philander too. Now on to this weeks top Bros.
5. Marshawn Lynch
You can't just ignore a run like Lynch had last night against the Eagles. For that matter, you probably shouldn't look past the post touchdown Skittles snack he ate either. You see that kids? Candy will make you a durable NFL running back. Eat up.
4. Danny and Rich
These are the two Bros responsible for sending a Natty Light into space. Not only was this the first beer ever to go into space, it was also the first time anyone has ever done anything even remotely intelligent in the presence of Natty Light. And I'm not sure how I feel about that. Video of the launch is below.
3. Adam Carolla
After lacing into members of self-entitled, participation trophy generation, Carolla easily wins the prize for the week's best rant. His points are wildly accurate and surely the reason why people are occupying Wall Street. But after thinking about it, he's failing to realize parents of these pricks need to shoulder half of the blame. The kids didn't not learn hard work and hand the trophies to themselves. Now they are tasting real failure for the first time and it probably sucks. But not as much as having to spend the first half of puberty jerking off to your thoughts, waiting for the Internet to produce free adult entertainment. So f*ck them.
2. Ryan Fitzjerald
For those who missed this earlier in the week let me give you a quick recap: That sl*t pictured is Ryan's ex-girlfriend. Ryan found out she was cheating on him with his best friend. So instead of giving her the Narnia tattoo that she wanted and thought she was receiving, Ryan emblazoned her hoe-back with photo of flys hovering atop a spiraled pile of shit. I would've contacted Ryan for comment but I didn't because good sense tells me he's probably busy getting blown.
1. Patrice O'Neal
The larger than life comedian died this week while trying to recover from a stroke he suffered recently. His close friend Jim Norton has been taking to Twitter all week expressing his love for Patrice. At first he said, "I couldn't possibly love a friend more than I love you. Goodbye brother." and then later on he shared the photo below by saying, " After a delightful evening of taking 100mg Viagras and f*cking prostitutes in Brazil." I can't help but to think Jim's really going to miss the big man, and that one of those Brazilian hoes left really unfulfilled.