You might have noticed that our Bro of the Week column went on a brief hiatus. If you didn't catch that, consider yourself fortunate. I'm sure its absence resulted in countless instances of E.D. Anyway, it's back, and here are the Top 5 Bros this week.
5. Gary Busey
If you think Charlie Sheen is nuts, take a look at this guy's body of work. And then listen to him speak. Pure insanity. And he doesn't even do drugs anymore. But he used to be quite fond of them; once he even snorted spilled cocaine out of a dog's fur. This past week on "The Apprentice," Meatloaf -- who is an emotional wreck -- completely blew up at Busey (during arts and crafts time), and Gary just stood there like a boss. No reaction. Meanwhile, the b*tch Meatloaf gave himself a hemorrhoid. If you haven't watched it, find it here
4. Jason Maloney
This 24-year-old pilot's confidence level is in f*cking orbit. It's got its own moon, sun, and probably even developed life at this point. In case you missed it, he went about landing a plane on the beach like it was child's play. He didn't even want to classify the reason he was landing on the beach as an emergency. Probably was just trying to impress a girl on the plane -- who I guarantee was blowing him at the same time. Girl says, "Can I please swallow your c*m this time?" Jason replies, "Rogaaaa!"
3. Cobra Pit Boss
Believe me when I tell you that it took every ounce of courage that JoePa had to even watch this video of a man cleaning a cobra pit
in flip-flops. He wouldn't even watch or write about that hideous foreign model who got her tit implant bitten
so I thought this wasn't going to be a big deal. I literally just watched this for the first time and it's impressive, but I can't help but think that this guy is going to die in that pit. Might not have happened on the cutting room floor of this video, and it might not even be soon, but it's going to happen. You f*cking spend your life slapping snakes with a broom and flinging them around like dog shit, it's going to catch up to you.
2. Lafcadio Hearn
To the shithead broad who commented to me that we should think about how the woman (Ellen Freeman) felt after reading Hearn's rejection letter masterpiece please take the dick out of your eye and learn how to read. That coarse and beefy b*tch he was rejecting was already married to another man, thus making her nothing but a goddamn hoe. Therefore, no one should respect or ever be concerned about her.
1. Frank Herbert
You know what is worse than being known as a person who mol*sts children? Being a creepy-ass child mol*ster who is also known for getting the shit beat out of him by a f*cking paraplegic in a wheel chair. Frank Herbert, who is confined to a set of wheels, gave one mol*ster that exact fate. Prior to making a citizen's arrest, he attacked the pederast with a baseball bat
in an effort to save his grand daughter from being his victim. Frank had this to say about the incident: “I’m not a hero, that’s for damn sure. I’d do it again tomorrow, knowing the consequence. I didn’t have a choice. A 10-year-old kid could take me. This is not about me. This is about a tiny child. I would never tell her I took a risk for her. I’d tell her I loved her.”