Blah blah blah, here are your Bros of the Week. Blah blah blah I hope you all go out, get wasted, and f*ck a nice girl's cinnamon ring this weekend. Blah blah blah now I'm done (and the Brady Quinn comment on Tuesday comes full circle). Goddamn, this intro is sounding better by the keystroke.
4. Gary Forbes
3. Keegan Bradley
Two thoughts here: Loved how he kept his head after carding a triple-bogey on the 15th hole. I've never seen anyone pull their shit together so fast in the final round of a major after a disaster like that. A triple on the 15th so late in the game? That's like watching your wife get gang f*cked by Guidos. Shatters your spirit. So yeah, he deserved that victory 100 percent. Dufner blew it, sure, but Bradley did everything right to get himself back into it. That all said, I'm not sold on his celebration. You knew Darren Clarke and Rory just got lit the f*ck up after their wins because getting lit the f*ck up is the only way they know how to celebrate. His looked forced.
2. The University of Miami's Benefit Accepting Players
Biased opinion and placement considering the fact that I am an alum, you say? Eh, that might be 25% true. But the fact of the matter is these guys blew it out of the water. They didn't just accept a free meal or two, they accepted cash, rims, lodging, hookers (droves and droves of hookers), and one cat even had a 3rd-party-paid-for abortion. We've sucked dick at football since 2003 but at least our downfall isn't over some tattoo barter or the selling of memorabilia. We did it bigger than OSU, bigger than USC, and even made the Vikings' sex cruise look like an episode of f*cking Barney and Friends.
And honestly, what can, and should, you expect from athletes that usually came from next to nothing, and are thrust into a university culture where kids driving brand new 3-Series are considered middle class? I bet it was not easy seeing all the haves, meanwhile, you're the king of the campus, the reason people love Miami, but a have not.
Honorable mention to Michael Irvin. That was some beefy rant in the U's defense yesterday. But that's what the Playmaker does, he f*ckin makes plays and attacks snake rapists. I bet the Mrs. even let him crush anal last night for that performance.
1. Nicholas Napolitano
I hate ending these on depressing notes, but that's just the state of the world sometimes and it would be more of a tragedy if we overlooked this story in particular because Napolitano, a 23-year-old graduate of Wake Forest lost his life this past weekend only moments after he rescued his friend and fraternity brother, Greg Minetti, from drowning. You may disagree, but I'd say that solidifies this choice.
Looking down from a rocky Rhode Island promontory 25 feet above where the Atlantic Ocean and Narragansett Bay converge, Nick Napolitano could see Greg Minetti, a friend and Wake Forest fraternity brother, was in danger of drowning as eight-foot waves pounded the shore.
Once Mr. Napolitano reached his friend, he gradually pulled him away from the cove that was taking the brunt of the battering waves. At that moment, another wave upended Mr. Napolitano and slammed him into a rock.
Thomas Coleman of Boston, a longtime friend from Atlanta school days, had jumped in to assist Mr. Napolitano. He said he saw his friend was seriously injured and held him for "what seemed like a couple of minutes" until a strong undertow snatched Mr. Napolitano away.
Read the full story here. And be careful out there this weekend and look after your fellow Bros.