Nothing quite like a good ol’ fashioned story about blowjobs and crazy chicks. And I don’t mean “crazy” as in she stalked you home after the two of you finished humping each other into the ground and then stood at the end of your driveway hoping you’d come say “Hello!” at 4 in the morning – that’s just annoying. Clingy, sure, crazy yes, but the kind of crazy nuttiness we’re talking about here is more along the lines of…well, let Redditor listentomystorynow explain:
Ok well to star off I have never been to a festival before, and since a friend bought a ticket for me I was keen to go. A few other friends managed to come along as well and I was pretty excited going in, and of course brought an arsenal of drugs.
So first night, we get in, set up the tent, immediately start drinking and taking drugs. We go out to dance at the main stage and all is going well, were all having an amazing time.
I find this girl dancing and start talking to her. It was fun and she said she wanted to go back to my tent, cool lets do it.
We get to my tent and she starts giving me the best head that I had experienced in my entire life. She’s really going at it and then I feel that something isn’t right, something wasn’t right at all. I hadn’t came and I was feeling liquid come out of my cock.
It was blood, she ripped the shit out of my frenulum. I yell out “you broke my cock!” and I hear my friend laugh outside the tent (he was sleeping in a hammock next to us). She then gives me a crazy look and starts going at it again, stops, looks at me again with blood all over her face and tells me “I’m a vampire now”
Never again.
The fuck do you do if you’ve got a chick literally sucking the blood out of your dick? Kick her? Ask her politely to leave? Throw some garlic salt in her face and hope for the best? Yeah…that’s a new level of nuts right there.
[Via Reddit]