Life
by J. Camm on June 12, 2014

todd-jessica-top

 

What would you do if your girlfriend left you for your best friend? You know, other than seriously consider surrounding yourself with people who aren’t complete jag-offs. One guy decided to release his anger while profiting from his fury at the same time. He made a “Fuck you, Todd and Jessica” t-shirt and he’s offering it for sale to the masses on Teespring. On the Teespring site, where you would normally see the description of any given t-shirt, the guy aired his grievances. In all CAPS. And with total vulgarity. Said grievances are below.

Via T-Shirt page on Teespring:

FUCK YOU JESSICA! YOU GIRAFFE FACED BITCH. I WAS NOTHING BUT GOOD TO YOU. I WAS THERE FOR YOU WHEN YOU NEEDED ME. AND HOW DO YOU REPAY ME? BY DUMPING ME FOR MY BEST FRIEND. YOU NOW MEAN NOTHING TO ME YOU SYPHILITIC CUNT DONKEY. NEVER TRAVEL TO AFRICA BECAUSE POACHERS MIGHT MISTAKE YOU FOR A RHINO YOU FAT POT BELLIED HERMAPHRODITE. PEOPLE USED TO THINK I WAS A BIG FOOT HUNTER WHEN THEY SAW ME WITH YOU.  I HOPE YOU AND YOUR MURKY SWAMP VAGINA END UP ALONE. IT’S CALLED VAGISIL YOU CHERUBIC CONCUBINE TWAT LORD.

AS FOR YOU TODD, YOU ARE A BITCH OF THE HIGHEST ORDER. YOU SMELL LIKE A MUSTY 6TH GRADER AFTER GYM CLASS WHO TRIED TO USE AXE TO COVER UP THE SMELL. YOUR BREATH SMELLS LIKE AGED COW TURDS. IF YOU WERE ON FIRE AND I HAD A BUCKET OF WATER, I WOULD LET MY DOG DRINK FROM THE BUCKET FIRST, AND THEN PUT YOU OUT WITH WHATEVER WAS LEFT. YOUR TEETH ARE SO FUCKED UP THAT YOU COULD HAVE DUAL CITIZENSHIP IN ENGLAND. YOUR TEETH LOOK LIKE THEY ARE WRITING A NOVEL IN WINGDINGS.

I HOPE YOU TWO HAVE KIDS. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE FUGLY OFFSPRING THAT SWAMP PUSSY AND AXE GOD WOULD PRODUCE. YOUR KIDS WILL PROBABLY HAVE THE LOW SLOPING FOREHEADS MOST COMMONLY ASSOCIATED WITH LOWLAND GORILLAS. YOU SHOULD JUST NAME YOUR FIRST BORN CRO MAGNON.

FUCK YOU TODD AND JESSICA. EAT SHIT.

todd-jessica

Want to say Fuck You to Todd and Jessica? Go here.

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[H/T: The Concourse]

J. Camm

About J. Camm...

J. Camm is the Managing Editor of BroBible. He is a graduate of the University of Miami thanks mostly in part to a world-class short-term memory. When not writing drivel on the Internet, J.Camm enjoys golf and the inexplicable satisfaction that comes with forgetting a person's name the exact instant he meets them.