by J. Camm on February 25, 2013

UPDATE: Due to unforeseen circumstances with the Purina cat lady, we had to take the story down about the Bro banging the daylights out of her. Going forward, we WILL NOT remove stories, so only send them in if you are absolutely sure you want the world to read your tale. 

This story, as all good stories, starts at Coliseum at 1 a.m.

Me and the boys were hammered drunk and on a mission to pick up. Within 5 minutes of arriving at the bar, me and one of my boys had a pair of roommates to take home. He took his back to their place, but my girl insisted we go back to mine; which strongly goes against my ethics and I was not impressed.

As we were walking home campus PD flatteringly identified me as a potential rapist and made an effort to intervene with my antics, taking my details before dropping us back to my apt. I get her into my bed and we start getting into it, I started greasing her up with my fingers and she starts moaning, then just as she was about to cum she tells me to stop, saying she would feel guilty and that she doesn’t mind if we just do nothing. Our thoughts are not aligned.

After some persuading I try again and end up with the same result, there is something seriously wrong with this chick. The net result for the night was approximately half a handjob, and 3 strokes of a titty fuck over a 45 minute period, followed by a 4-hour endeavor to get her to leave. When she finally departs she asks “Don’t you want my number?” to which I replied, “I haven’t got my phone” then realizing I’d been texting on it the entire morning. In the end I gave her my number, but made an oath to never speak to her again. The following weekend I went out with the boys again, realizing she’d probably make contact, I asked the boys the best way to approach the situation. We decided if it came to 2am and I hadn’t picked up it would be acceptable to re-pursue. At exactly 2.03am as if by fate, I got a text from her asking me to go around to hers – game on.

Time for redemption; I turn up and we start hooking up, and get straight into bed. To my utter amazement I got the exact same treatment, slightly upgraded to six sucks of my prize and 12 strokes of a handjob, at this point I decided to take my destiny into my own hands and started having a jerk. Just before I was about to cum, she finally decides to chip in and I let her take over, I take some joy in the realization that she is pointing my dick towards her face as I get ready to blow. Then just as I release, as if guided by a sixth sense she jerks my cock to point at my own face, leaving me to take a prime load of my own sauce square in the face. Feeling cheap and used I wiped what I could off my face, slurred some excuse about having to drop my roommate to the airport, and went for the door.

I sprinted the whole way home into the rising sun weeping with self hate. Upon getting home I realized I couldn’t go in the front door as I would be caught by my roommate whose best friend I was also trying to take down at the time. I come up with a plan to sleep on the couch on the deck and pretend I’d been locked out the night before. As I curled up on the couch I was joined by the roommate’s dog that persisted in preventing me from sleeping by attempting to lick my face, which breached even my personal code of ethics.

At this point I reached the lowest point in my life to date; spooning the dog, covered in my own semen. If only mom could see me now.

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[Cat Lady photo via ShutterStock]