Brett Favre Don’t Need No Fancy-Ass Charcuterie, Is Here To Sell You Real Meat

Favre and carve

Fuck charcuterie. Sure, it’s tasty and delicious but it’s also bullshit. Fancy-ass fucking names like prosciutto and lardo and par me shawn and what the fuck? When I want to eat my meat, I don’t want to have learn me no Italy words.

Seriously, fuck Italy.

But I ain’t gotta worry about that bullshit no more, cause my boy Brett Favre is here to sell me some charcuterie that ain’t bullshit. No. It’s Brett Favre charcuterie, from his new company Favre and Carve. It’s real meat for real people who are still pissed we had to send our boys to Europe all the way back then. Those were good boys we lost and now we gotta call it Brie? Fuck that it’s white cheese.

What’s it all about?

Take the best of Wisconsin, combine it with a little old-world, French Cajun flair, and what do you get? A Charcuterie. Everything we serve at Favre & Carve is all-natural, handcrafted with the same dedication to quality and commitment to excellence you would expect from football’s all-time winningest quarterback.

Yea, fuck yea. And what do you offer? We got Hog Cracklin, “Ideal for half-time snackin’.” Smoked Pig Tails, which supposedly go well with beer. No sissy white wine. And Pig Tails which I guess are not smoked.

Cheese, too man. Cheese. Favre is from Wisconsin. Man loves his cheese.

Favre and Carve sells Sharp Cheddar, which “pairs perfectly with a hangover” and Garlic & Dill Cheddar and a Cheddar Wheel that we are supposed to “Melt ‘er down for some mouth watering fondue.”

So, cheddar. They sell cheddar. Got it. Like I said, fuck a bullshit cheese.

You can shop Favre and Carve here. Please don’t.