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How to Avoid Giving Your Booty Call a Valentine’s Day Gift

By / 02.12.13

Why does she yearn for this? Because she’s a female and they are needy, insecure and desperate for any sign of approval. Most of all, all women love Valentine’s Day. Think about it, why else would the holiday exist in the first place? I feel bad just thinking about the poor sap who was first subjected to this Hallmark holiday. Nothing good ever comes from it if you’re a male, so here are some quick tips how to avoid giving a gift to the girl who wakes up in your bed on Saturday morning.

PS – For you dudes out there in a serious boyfriend-girlfriend situation, tough luck. You’re going to have to bite the bullet and hit up the local florist, who conveniently inflated his prices by 500% for this special, special day.

Leave town for any reason at all

 

There’s no better excuse to give to a girl who desperately wants to see you. Although she may not know your whereabouts during the week, she expects to see you this weekend but don’t give her the satisfaction. Once you make contact, the ‘why didn’t you get me a Valentine’s Day gift?” conversation will happen. Trust me. You’re a male so you obviously want to get it in, but resist just this one weekend. Escape to somewhere nice, whether it is LA, South Beach or Sin City. There will be plenty of women in bikini-clad attire to take your mind off whatever her name is.

Get her hooked on a TV show

This one is surprisingly effective. I had bro woo his fuck buddy last year with the first two seasons of “Breaking Bad” and it worked to perfection. He didn’t spend a cent and he didn’t disappoint the chick at all because he actually hung out with her.

The best part of this strategy: the pause button. You can always take a bang break from Walt and Jesse’s meth-dealing adventures and come right back to where you left off.

Remember to eliminate any shows with romance such as How I Met Your Mother. The key is to pick something that is super intense and that will hook her so much that her mind will completely forget it's February 14.

Fake Illness

Probably the most cowardly solution to the problem; however, it has known to work in the past. Start feigning a sore throat two or three days prior to V-Day and then by the time the 14th rolls around, you are in such bad shape that you can’t leave bed. For safe measures, keep up the ‘sickness’ until at least 24 hours after the holiday has passed. I’m willing to bet she’d want to go to dinner on the 15th if you’re feeling better all of a sudden.
The key to this illusion is making sure you see her earlier in the week, before the holiday. This way the last image she has of you is a man who is coming down with something and when she doesn’t receive anything, she will understand why.

Say you have a test and forgot to get her something

It doesn’t work as well if you’re out of college, but this solution is practical in any situation and the test excuse can easily be substituted out for just about any situation in the working world. Although the idea of work trumping play may piss her off, you can always lay down the “I just want to blow off some steam” card afterward and convince her to go out for a few drinks. Picking up her bar tab is no different than any other week and therefore, the result – her ending up in your bed – should be the same as well. No gift necessary and the line is never crossed.

End it TONIGHT

This one is trickier than it actually sounds, especially with Valentine’s Day falling on a Thursday this year and your last chance to hump and dump has came and gone. Nonetheless, if you feel she is becoming clingy as the big day approaches and you want to avoid the drama altogether, then your best bet is to put an end to it. After all, she is just some bar floozy. They grow on trees, right?

Whatever it is you decide on doing, make sure the idea of getting her flowers, chocolates or jewelry never enters your mind. If this isn’t a girl you’d bring home to mom, then you shouldn’t be misleading her. There’s only one thing you want from this ‘relationship’ and its sex, spending any sort of money will give her a completely different impression.

[Booty call image via ShutterStock]


TAGSbooty callsDatingGiftshot girlsSex
Steve Coulter
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