9. Stealing Food

What dirty c*nt did you slither out of that you think everyone's food is somehow communal? I have siblings, I know how to share, but if you're a co-worker and I barely know you, I also barely care if you starve to death. You can have all the f*cking paper clips you need but the one thing you don't f*ck with is a person's food.

8. Defiling the Bathroom

Whether it’s shitting on the floor, pissing on the seat, or wiping blood-ridden boogers above the urinal there is no bigger a**hole move in an office than ones made by Bathroom Phantoms. O.K., yes, the first time I see a hot loaf on the floor I will laugh, but after that I don't put up with this kind of terrorism. If I'm wasting hours of my life at a company, the least I expect is a reasonably clean place to defecate. For the record, I've heard on multiple occasions that women are worse than men... for whatever reason they just toss menstruation rags everywhere.

7. Playing the Stupid Card and Asking a Co-Worker to Do Your Bitch Work

I once had a female manger that could not format a Microsoft Excel or Word doc*ment on her own. So who did she ask to do it? You guessed it, this guy. Bold f*ckin' move, b*tch. But I saw her a**hole move and then raised her with one of my own. The owner of the company was fond of me, so I told him point blank what happened and that this sl*t couldn't be any more worthless. Am I a cocksucker for it? Sure, but she was an unsightly blob and that was the last time she ever asked me to number pages or fix margins.

6. Taking Credit for Someone Else’s Work

When you accept praise for someone else’s hard work, what you are essentially doing is raping their career. You can do it one of two ways: behind the person’s back (the drugged and passed-out method) or through fear because you’re their boss and they’re too afraid to call you out on it (the at-gun-point method). Either way, this should really be treated as a crime.