3. Plastic sports drink bottle (Dry)
Will this give me awful flashbacks?: Yes. To around your fifth week of your freshman year of college when you were still trying to prove yourself and your buddy Jay convinced you it would be totally bad-ass to take a bong rip without any water in the base.
Take a plastic sports drink bottle and make two holes near the bottom of it with a lighter. One for your mouth, one for your finger to use as a carb. Out of aluminum foil, craft a bowl. Wrap the foil loosely around the mouthpiece then poke a few thin holes in it. Light it, breathe in, release your finger, then cough for 42 seconds.
Should I use it?: Sure. But it is harsh.
2. Apple bowl
This is ranked so high because it's Fall and you are into the whole seasonal food movement. Be honest: No, shit works well. Plus the apples I buy are grown year round in, I don't know, Mexico, then flown here using a metric ton of fossil fuel. So don't worry about helping the environment. We are only doing this because it's the closest approximation to a bowl hit you can get.
Take one apple. Using a thing—like a sharp, thin kind of thing—poke a hole in the top of the apple, pushing all the way down to the middle. On the side of the apple, using the same sharp thin, thing (I used a screwdriver), make a hole that meets the first hole you made. You now have a path for weed smoke to travel, which was our precise goal. Smoke using said path.
Should I use it: Absolutely. It's the first of these five that didn't drastically change the taste of the pot. Plus, apples aren't expensive. Like a dollar, maybe, at their most marked up. There has got to be a mercado somewhere near you that sells them. The only downside is the piece is hard to explain away. “This apple? Just planning on doing some delicious eating with it. Why is there a hole in it? I was trying to fuck it. I was trying to fuck the apple before I ate it.”
1. Plastic sports drink bottle (Waterfall)
Really? This is the best makeshift way to smoke weed?: Yes. I do it sometimes even if I have a piece. That's also why it's listed first on a list of the top six makeshift ways to smoke weed.
This method does require access to a sink (or a river, I guess), but most every residential-type structure in America has running water. This isn't a guide to getting high on the steppes of Central Asia.
Take a 32 oz. sports drink bottle and make one hole on the bottom lip using a lighter or knife. Fashion a bowl piece (read No. 3. if you need a refresher). With your finger plugging the hole, fill the bottle with water. Place the bowl piece on top and add marijuana. Light it and remove your finger. As the water drains, it will pull smoke into the bottle. See if you can inhale all of it. Then watch Season Two of 30 Rock
Should I use it: If you want the equivalent of a massive bong rip while using minimal weed, yes. This method requires a smidgen per hit, but generates enough smoke to get you higher than you thought you wanted to be. Which is the idea, because you wanted to be baked off your ass for Gravity. Remember? Clooney? Bullock? It's gonna blow your mind.