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The Five Benefits To Hook Up Culture

By / 05.09.14

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The world is becoming a strange place, a place where the Internet has shown everyone the scariest of sexual experiences. People’s jaws no longer drop at the weird things others are into. Added, the economy has gotten so bad that this generation has to live with 4 roommates in a 2-bedroom apartment just to survive. These factors have led to a new hook up culture, where people sling sex around like a Frisbee on the college quad. Sex is no longer the taboo and questionable act that it was for this generations parents, its now considered a fun act to be shared with mutually attracted people. Older generations look it with shame; this generation sees the benefits of hook up culture.

1. Productivity: Relationships are a great way to end up lying around in bed all day instead of getting anything done. Women are half super hero-half sloth, when awake they get work done, but then they sleep for 10 hours a day. Not being in a relationship allows you the free time to do whatever you want instead of having to send a text every 20
minutes or answering the phone while at a bar with friends.

2. Quantity: In the first 6 months of a relationship sex is new and amazing. You have sex like two rabbits that took a Viagra at Hedonism. After 6 months it gets routine and a little boring until you whip out the kinky stuff. After 9 months the sex becomes robotic and infrequent. Now, with apps like Tinder and online dating, you can find like-minded people who just want to shoot fluids in each other without strings attached. The digital world means you can get more hook-ups than a Wall Street broker with a bag of cocaine at a party. Not having a girlfriend means getting to try a little bit of everything, instead of being stuck with one person for months on end.

3. Thrill: Having sex with almost strangers is a huge adrenaline rush.  Whether you’re a girl or a guy, a one-night hook-up has a feeling of conquering and accomplishment. There are few things that feel better than knowing a complete stranger is willing to risk an STD to treat you like a piece of meat for a few hours. Not to mention, the fear
when you realize you have no idea how you’re getting home, or where you parked your car. Hooking up is like a mini-adventure in a world that’s become tame. It’s not a walk of shame if it’s out of a bathroom or across state lines.

4. Money: Relationships are expensive. Relationships are expensive. Having a significant other means breaking the monotony with dinners and vacations, it means buying gifts for their family members whom you secretly imagine stabbing with anything within reach. They mean gifts for friends who have babies even though the thought of those two reproducing makes you sicker than eating buffet sushi. Being single means you can stay in and watch TV when you’re broke. It means you can be selfish and lazy and save money for yourself, instead of an anniversary gift for someone who called you a slob as they sat on the couch eating ice cream to The Notebook.

5. Lack of Shame: Hook Up culture means no one is ashamed of what they’re into. 2014 is a post slut shaming society. In fact, Millennials have no shame at all. No one looks down on sexualized women, unless they post it all over twitter. No one really cares what freaky stuff people cram into their bodies anymore as long as it makes everything feel tingly. Hook Up culture means letting your freak flag fly.

Bread Foster is a NYC Stand Up comedian without any shame. Follow him on twitter @BreadFoster


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