Open question to anyone out there reading:
Does anyone like Nickelback? Like, really actually like Nickelback?
If you’re not sure about the answer to that question, the answer is a big fat NO. No one likes Nickelback. You know when Nickelback was popular? In 8th grade, when generic rock tunes were popular and bands like Creed and Staind made lasting impacts for no reason whatsoever other than the fact that people were like “Hey! This sounds like that one song I heard on the radio that I sort of liked, therefore I probably like this song too! Hooray!”
Excuse me while I barf.
While I don’t vehemently loathe Nickelback enough to, say, put out a mob hit on Chad Kroeger, there’s a chance I’d donate to this crowdfunding campaign to ban Nickelback from ever playing in London. According to the crowdfunding page,
…we are attempting to ensure that Canadian “rockers” Nickelback do not come to London, England to play a gig. With your help, we can ensure that the band do not schedule any gigs here, do not attempt to come here – nor even phone here.
Just imagine, thousands – perhaps tens of thousands of music lovers – all not witnessing an exclusive concert by Nickelback in London. It will be glorious. Legendary. Dare we say, game changing?
For only $1,000 the campaign promises that Nickelback will never “perform” in London, and while $1,000 may seem like a rather low number when you sit down and think about what it actually takes to enact a ban on someone, keep in mind that so far they’ve raised $111 from 22 people.
That’s…really not that bad. Plus, the money goes to charity, or as the campaign states “…perhaps therapy for those who’ve been affected by the band.” But if you’re one of those people who aren’t about charity and donate to these things for the sake of the little rewards given out depending on how much you donated, don’t worry; they’ve got a bunch you can claim:
Rewards
$1
Email on your behalf
Your donation will result in an email, written on your behalf, to the management of Nickelback, kindly requesting that they do not play in London, England for the foreseeable future. You also get the added bonus of not seeing Nickelback.
Estimated Delivery: the foreseeable future
14 claimed
$5
Slightly more forceful email
Your donation will result in an email, written on your behalf, to the management of Nickelback, forecfully insisting that they do not play in London, England for the foreseeable future. You also get the added bonus of not seeing Nickelback.
Estimated Delivery: the foreseeable future
8 claimed
$10
Somewhat explicit email
Your donation will result in an email, written on your behalf, to the management of Nickelback, full of explicit phrases and lots of capital letters and maybe even a rude emoticon or two, imploring that they do not play in London, England – ever again. You also get the added bonus of not seeing Nickelback. Ever again.
Estimated Delivery: eternity
4 claimed
$50
Sending Nickelback’s music to Nickelback
Your donation will result in an email to Nickleback with an attached mp3 of Nickelback’s music. This way, the band will hear their own music, and likely retire immediately, thereby ensuring the success of our campaign. You also get the added bonus of not seeing Nickelback. And perhaps helping to ensure no one ever does again.
Estimated Delivery: eternity
If you’re all about shitting on Nickelback, click here to donate to the campaign. If you’re not all about shitting on Nickelback, proceed to re-evaluate your life from the moment of conception until now and then click here to donate.
[H/T Death and Taxes]