Participation awards are single-handedly leading the charge in the pussification of America. When someone is told they’re doing a great job running the race just because they showed up to the Start Line there’s something seriously, seriously wrong. The ONLY time a participation award is acceptable is when it’s used to demean a best friend and poke fun at them for sucking at something. Well, now there’s a service that will send anyone participation awards and it’s abso-fucking-lutely brilliant.
The service is called ‘Awards Against Humanity‘ and it’s already picking up a ton of steam by sticking true to their mission statement: “By sending a Participation Award, you are praising (and poking fun of) that special someone for their mediocre effort or lackluster results.”
— Best friend got shut down when asking someone to go to prom? Send them a participation award.
— Your brother didn’t get that promotion he’s been busting his ass to earn? Send him a participation award.
— One of your bros hasn’t gotten laid in over a year despite going to the bar 5 nights a week to hit on chicks? Send him a participation award.
The founder of Awards Against Humanity, Sean Williams, shot me a note yesterday to boast of all the press they’ve been picking up (Reddit, HuffPo, etc), and after sifting through his service I can say that all of the press Awards Against Humanity is getting is VERY MUCH deserved.
For just $14.95 you can send this trophy to anyone you know:
From the Awards Against Humanity website:
Being an adult is hard. Definitely harder than being a kid. So how come only kids are celebrated for simply “showing up” or “trying”?
By giving a Participation Award, you are praising (and poking fun of) that special someone for their mediocre effort or lackluster results.
Each order comes with a Participation Trophy AND custom Certificate Of Participation. It’s wrapped in colorful tissue paper to add an extra touch of class, and shipped in an unmarked box.
Our high-quality trophy features a Gold Cup secured atop a gold round base. Engraving reads “YOU TRIED.” Weighs 1 pound and stands 6 inches tall.
At just fifteen bucks methinks I’m going to have to send one of these to some one of my fellow bloggers this holiday season as a reminder that they need to be trying harder. If you’re interested in sending one of your bros a participation award from Awards Against Humanity then CLICK HERE to get started!