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How Do You Ask Your Girlfriend for a Threesome? Plus Impotence Talk

By / 03.05.14

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Submit your Ask a Babe questions at the bottom of the page.

Q: What’s up with girls and wearing those super tight shorts/underwear under their dresses to makes them look thinner? Recently I feel like I’ve come across way too many chicks who don’t need to wear them in the first place and they’re just not sexy at all.

Need you to shed some light on the purpose of these/if girls think its normal.

A: Ah, yes…Spanx.

That’s right— those flesh colored tummy sucking underpants that stretch from her waist to her upper thigh are called Spanx. They’re gross. But sometimes when you’re trying to look extra fucking skinny, those are the lengths you’ll go to. It’s tough to comprehend as a dude, I’m sure.

I feel like I can best describe this in a chart of pros and cons below. Please let me know if you have any further questions.

PROS:
1. Ass is less jiggly
2. waist looks smaller
3. Chick feels sexier

CONS:
1. They’re not sexy
2. They’re uncomfortable and difficult to get off
3. They’re sort of meant for moms.

In terms of how to approach a situation where you rip a girls clothes off to find her spanx cutting off the circulation to her brain, just keep powering through. Rip those fuckers right off like you never even saw ‘em. Bonus points if they land in the trash.

Q: Regarding the question about a woman’s thoughts on a man’s inability to get it up:
I don’t know how the question was originally submitted, but it seems like the guy was wondering if women fault themselves for not turning the man on, rather than asking if he should blame women for his soft dick.

I could be wrong, of course, in which case the lambasting that followed was more than appropriate.

Regardless, what IS a woman’s reaction when a man has trouble getting it up?
This has happened to me exactly twice; I was ashamed and worried that the ladies involved would suddenly judge me (literally) and find me less attractive.

Neither seemed to mind, and both were perfectly patient enough until my junk started working again.

In my more rational moments, I realize that a woman of any maturity is unlikely to give a shit about any single bout of temporary impotence. Still, do women ever feel insulted by this? …turned off? …do they ever blame themselves? They definitely shouldn’t.

A: Interesting take and I’m happy to take a stab. As a girl it’s always a little awkward when a guy can’t get it up. When it’s a one-time thing like your case, it’s not a deal breaker. Especially when you ultimately pull through and are able to get it up—there’s a big difference between being a little slow to the uptake and not getting any uptake at all.

When it becomes a common bedroom occurrence, that’s when we start to worry. Questions about what we’re doing wrong and whether or not you find us sexy start to filter in from the corner of our minds. So yeah, she will wonder if it’s her fault.

It can’t be helped. She’ll probably confide in her girlfriends on the topic and wonder if you’re hooking up with a different girl. So it’s in these situations where it’s most crucial for you to verbalize that the root of the problem isn’t her.

Don’t be excessively apologetic but do make it clear that she is more than sexy enough to get your engine revving; you’re just having a particularly tough time doing so without reason.

If it’s as infrequent as you say, I really just wouldn’t worry your head about it. If it happens most weekends, I think I would.

Q: Hey cutie,
So I got a question for ya. There’s this bar I’ve been going to quite a bit lately.The inhabitants are mostly people my age and I’ve been established as a regular by most of the staff. There’s this really attractive chick that works there that I’ve had my eye on for a while. She knows me by name and we’ve had a couple small standard conversations but nothing I’d consider an overall good conversation. When we do talk, she has this smile and interested “look” on her face. I want to make a move and even throw out my number, but when I’ve tried to make a similar move in the past, it has blown up in my face pretty bad.

I found her on Facebook and want to send her a friend request. Creepy, or subtle way to get her number?

A: The answer is, A: Creepy.

To clarify: do NOT friend request her on fucking Facebook, man.

You’re trying to get in her pants, not post a funny cat picture on her wall so just… don’t. Avoiding the status of “creepy guy who always comes to my bar” is a must if you ever want a shot at getting her out from behind that bar and into your bed.

What I would suggest, digging into my mental archives from my (glory) days of bar tending, is to ask her for her number in a more spontaneous manner than your standard number on a napkin.

You cannot imagine the number of dudes—shit, ladies even—who hit on you shamelessly when you’re a good-looking lady wielding the power of booze. It’s fucking awesome. But you have to filter the bullshit.

Pick a less busy night to go and try to get in a solid conversation. Before you leave, ask her if she’s working the following night.

If no, tell her you’d like to take her to dinner; if she protests and says she has to work, insist that she also has to eat, and you guys can grab an early bird special. If she shows no love back whatsoever, she’s either otherwise engaged, jaded by the bar scene or simply not fucking interested.

The end result may place a forced curve on your drinking location. But so it goes.

Love is a gamble, as they say.

Q: I’ve been dating my girlfriend for four years now and will probably end up marrying her down the line. For the last six months or so I can’t stop thinking about how great a threesome with one of her smokin’ friends would be, but I have no idea if she’d be into it. Is there a safe way to ask the question?

A: The quest to achieve a threesome with your girlfriend, the oldest struggle in the book. Also one of the more sensitive and difficult to navigate—all the way from suggestion to execution and aftermath.

I would need a hell of a lot more information on this girlfriend in order to determine the likelihood of her consent– sexual history, hometown, countries visited… tax returns wouldn’t hurt… which makes it touchy for me to give the most precise advice needed. Plus, I’m still for girl power and if this chick isn’t into it, I’m not gonna advocate for putting her in a shitty situation. These things can ruin a relationship, so it’s best to tread lightly.

Coming from a sexually open-minded person, I think your only shot at success here is a chance encounter. Every time I’ve had a guy actively suggest a threesome at random my reaction has generally been laughing in their face.
But that’s not to say a chance encounter of three sexual people in a bedroom would be unappealing. Right time, right place. Leave it to the sex gods; because its not worth risking the fate of your relationship for a shot at seeing your girls best friend in the buff.

[Photo: bikeriderlondon/Shutterstock]


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