5. The Food Lover
Examples: Photos of meals they cook followed by generic message like “Chicken + broccoli and cheese = heaven. Wish everyone could try it it’s so good : )”
What they do: Cook food. Are overjoyed they can cook food on their own. Take a photo of the cooked food. Post it online. Expect deal with Food Network.
Why it’s annoying: If we can’t eat it, we don’t want to see it. ou’re also not Rachel Ray when you reheat some week old mac and cheese and put some parsley next to it.
What it says about them: Likes to be confined to the kitchen, which is always a plus. Has definitely experimented in the vegetable aisle before as there hasn’t been a cucumber she hasn’t liked. Probably the most tolerable person on the list, but the quantity of posts is what gives it the spot.
4. The Pet Owner
Examples: Photo of pet doing nothing. Video of pet sleeping. “Isn’t she the cutest and most exciting thing ever!!!”
What they do: Post pictures, videos and status updates of their pets doing absolutely nothing and how obsessed they are with the animal.
Why it’s annoying: Everybody has or had pets. Everybody’s pet is the greatest pet in the world. Yours is never going to be better than ours and therefore you and your pet can go eat a bag of dicks.
What it says about them: Is like the baby mama with obsession, but just with what I’m going to guess is cats. 1 cat for a single woman at age 25 leads to 2 by 30 if still single, 5 by 35, a separation from reality by 38, 20 cats by 50, and soon after an arrest for housing dozens cats in unsanitary conditions in her v*gina.
3. The Vacationer
Examples: “Can’t wait to leave for Punta Cana Tomorrow!” “Just landed in Punta Cana!” “On the beach in Punta Cana!” “Sunset in Punta Cana is breathtaking!” “The food and drinks in Punta Cana are amazing!”
What they do: Update every aspect of their vacation and time away from home. Somehow usually post more when on vacation than normally.
Why it’s annoying: Just because you’re away from home doesn’t mean we care about your life any more. In fact, we care about it less. You having a drink on the beach isn’t the coolest thing in the world and unless you’re topless we don’t want to see pictures of you on vacation. The last thing we want to see when it’s 20 degrees out and there’s frost on our sac is pictures of you laying out in the sun, tits down.
What it says about them: Thinks their life is 100x better than yours and will shove it in your face every chance they get.
2. The Complainer
Examples: “Ugh, I’m soooo tired today. Is it Friday yet?” “Thanks for the rain when I didn’t have my umbrella. That was fun.” “People are so rude.” “I can’t believe how tired I am.”
What they do: Tell you every time they are upset, angry, annoyed, tired, or frustrated.
Why it’s annoying: Very simple: Nobody cares. Even worse, nobody wants to be annoyed about how annoyed you are. Just makes you more annoying.
What it says about them: Debbie downer to the max. Outside of giving her a billion dollars and having a direct two-way telepathic line to her G-spot, good luck to the guy who has to live with this one.
1.The ‘My Life Is Sooooo Interesting, You Need To Know About It’ Bitch
Examples: “Woke up at 8 today, about to go for a run then off to the mall with friends before coming home and maybe taking a nap before tonight!” “Going shoe shopping…” “Just watching TV in my room.”
What they do: Every detail of every day is shared with everyone.
Why it’s annoying: A combination of numbers 2-10 on our list rolled into one. The epitome of an oversharing Facebook F*cker. Everything that is wrong with the status update. You’re not a celebrity. You’re not interesting, funny or cute. Nobody gives a rat’s dick about your life or what you are doing on a regular basis.
What it says about them: Can’t say because I don’t know anyone on this level anymore. I Immediately deleted people who did this on my newsfeed the second I saw anything that would give me the urge to castrate society. I suggest you do the same.
