Humans think we’re all sophisticated and what not with our evolution and our fancy tools. But alligators haven’t changed in 37 million years because they’re goddamn alligators and they can slam their jaws shut with 3,700 pounds per square inch. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it says nature. So when this man and his newfangled automobile came into the swamp, this vicious alligator says, “Fuck you humans and your boushie contraptions.”
The man drives right into the alligator’s swampy living room. The reptile takes exception and lunges at the truck and shows off his pearly whites. The truck does not stop and for some reason gets even closer to this present-day dinosaur. The beast has had enough and effortlessly tears off the truck’s bumper in one mighty snap. The gator did it in cold-blood and wasn’t about to exchange insurance information.
Hey dipshit, it’s called a “5 MPH Bumper,” not a “Gator-Proof Bumper.”
Looks like an insurance investigator will have to survey the damages.