Brooklyn Hipsters Are Spending $1,000 On ‘Adult Preschool’ Learning To Finger Paint And Take Naptime

Hipsters in Brooklyn are spending up to $1,000 on ‘Adult Preschool’ where they attend and partake in activities such as finger painting, musical chairs, naptime, show-and-tell, and more.

As if Brooklyn’s reputation over the past few years wasn’t already embarrassing enough, now there’s an actual 21-and-up preschool for overprivileged morons who want to act like kids because they didn’t get hugged or spanked enough as children. The ‘Adult Preschool’ has picked up a lot of press in recent todays, but today I’m here to take a steaming hot deuce right on their pathetic chests.

The ‘Preschool Mastermind‘ as it is called is a place where overprivileged hipsters can go to feel like kids again, and be surrounded by other assholes like themselves. On their site they list these as activities that attendees of ‘Preschool Mastermind’ will participate in:

:: THERE WILL BE ::
– arts and crafts (finger-paint, play dough, glitter glue, YES PLEASE)
– show and tell (share your material stories to uncover clues on your spiritual path)
– snack time (with themes planned by you!)
– music time (with special rockstar guests)
– nap time (the best time ever)
– lessons and playsheets (learning is FUN!)
– buddy system (a BFF to keep you accountable for awesomeness)
– games (i mean, does anyone remember how much fun musical chairs is?)
– make believe (your imagination is needed!)
– class picture day (dress your 4-year-old best)
– a field trip, obviously
– All students will be given homework in the form of challenges, prompts, playsheets. Expect to get out of your ordinary routine and leave a trail of ::magic::!

And this is where I stop being even remotely nice.

The other day I got in what turned out to be a pretty heated argument with one of my oldest and dearest friends. We grew up together back in Florida, went to H.S. and college together, and have both been living in NYC for the better part of the past decade. I sent him a picture of a bar sign here in Manhattan saying something along the lines of ‘No Hipsters Allowed, Only People With Real Jobs May Enter’, and he ended up getting pretty ticked off by it. His whole argument was that he gets pissed off when haters hate, and all the hating on hipsters drives him nuts. He claimed that ‘all of our friends live in Brooklyn’, which couldn’t be further from the truth.

After a while I felt badly about pushing him to the point of losing it, because he really is one of the most chill guys I’ve ever known, and it was one of the only times I’ve ever seen him lose his cool….But then I come across this news, this news of hipsters in Brooklyn dropping a grand on ‘Adult Preschool’. Suddenly I don’t feel badly at all, suddenly I’ve remembered that people who self-identify as hipsters are worse for society than pond scum. That self-identifying hipsters willing to drop A THOUSAND DOLLARS on ‘Adult Preschool’ deserve every single bit of shit tossed in their direction, because they’re an embarrassment to themselves, their families, and all Americans. Fuck everything about anyone willing to pay money for ‘Adult Preschool’. I love my friend, but some people deserve to get called out on their asinine bullshit, and the hipsters attending ‘Preschool Mastermind’ all deserve to get called out for being overprivileged morons so unimaginative they couldn’t find a better use of $1,000 in the world.

PEOPLE has some more to say on this idiotic ‘Adult Preschool’:

Adults who miss the squish of Play-Doh between their fingers and the feeling of a stiff cot beneath their head can now reconnect with their inner preschooler – for a price.

Brooklyn, New York’s Preschool Mastermind is the world’s first day-care-like experience for adults, reports ABC News. The course features all the staples you probably remember from your pre-K days, like finger painting, naptime, musical chairs, dress-up and show-and-tell.

“You still CAN be anything you want when you grow up! And this class will give you the hands-on wisdom, intuition and playfulness you need to get there,” founder Michelle Joni explains on Preschool Mastermind’s site.

“In this one-month adventure, we’ll explore preschool concepts, like sharing and friendship, in order to apply and inject play, wonder, self-belief, and community into our grown-up lives.”

The current session of Preschool Mastermind started at the beginning of March and runs until the end of the month. Joni’s classes meet weekly and have six students, each looking to gain something different from returning to their youthful roots.

Just watch this and tell me you don’t want to burn down the entire planet?

If you want to ‘gain something from returning to your youthful roots’ there are a whole lot better ways to do than by dressing up like an asshole and attending a $1,000 class with a group of other assholes. If you attend ‘Adult Preschool’ you ARE an asshole, and there’s no argument to the contrary.

[PEOPLE]