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So not for nothing but State Patty's Day sounds like a decent time. 

This past weekend, I went to visit some friends at Penn State for State Patty’s Day. Being from outside of Philadelphia, a ton of kids from my high school go to Penn State. So when I knew for sure that I was going up, I texted a girl I’d been trying to get with for a couple years, and she said the typical “Oh awesome, text me when you get up here” blah blah blah.
 

So a few weeks passed and I got up there on Friday. My boys and I started the early and kept going hard all throughout the night. I don’t remember much from that night but I know enough to know that I was in no shape to meet up with the girl that night. The next day/night went pretty much the same way, but I toned it down a bit in hopes of capitalizing on the drunken horniness that was sure to drape over State College in a few hours.

After exchanging a couple texts with the girl, and realizing that we were on opposite sides of campus, we understood meeting up conveniently was out of the question. (For those of you who haven’t been to State, trying to get from one side of campus to the other there is much easier said than done).

So after a couple more hours passed and my friends and I ended up at a house party somewhere. I started hitting it off with some random girl. A little bit later, she said she was ready to head back to her dorm, and invited me to come along. After hooking up in her bed for a little while with her roommate nowhere to be seen, we were about to take the next step. No sooner did I reach for my wallet to grab a condom, then did her door swing open and light switch on. As soon as I saw this I was sure that any shot of continuing to get with this girl was shot down by the 19-year-old drunken c*ckblock that had just walked through the door. I was momentarily dejected.

Just then, I turned around to see exactly what was going on, a sight better than anything I could have imagined stood before my eyes: In all of her drunken glory, the dime I’d been trying to hook-up with since high school was this chick’s f*cking roommate. With no more than hello exchanged, the girl had her mind made-up; she dropped her coat and hopped right into bed with her roommate and I. At first I was convinced this coincidence was too good to be true, but after alternating between making out with me and her roommate, things moved fluidly into a full-on threesome, and the rest of the time in bed is pretty much a blur.

After what I’ve decided was about 45 minutes later, the 2 of them passed out and I hustled back to meet up with my boys and brag about what happened. We drank for a little longer and eventually passed out around 5. I woke up the next morning to a text from the girl that read “text me when your back on spring break.” Long live the Irish, and long live State Patty’s Day.

Sometimes it pays to hook up with the lights on, is all I'm going to say about this next story. 

I go to a small Division III college. The college claims we have around 2500 undergrad, but there’s probably is only like 1300 if that. Needless to say, the girls here get old pretty fast, so when people have girls visit, all of us are pumped about it.

About 2 years ago, one of my bros has his girlfriend in town and some of her friends tagged along with her. Throughout the night I get pretty drunk and we all end up at the soccer house. My friend introduces me to everyone and I start chatting it up with one of his girlfriend’s friends. We start dancing and eventually start making out; I knew this could probably go further and so I decided to stick it out.

A couple hours later, after people are gone, I'm just chillin’ with these girls, my bro, and the soccer kids. Eventually I was able to get this girl away from her friends and into the basement where there was a comfortable white leather couch we could hook up on. We start making out again and as any guy does, I try to bring my d*ck into the equation but she whispers, “if you go down on me, then I'll blow you.” I sort of oblige and just start fingering her. Chick is super wet so I'm thinking to myself she’s really getting hot for me. All of a sudden just pushes me and starts to blow me. Which was nice.

Now I would like to say I went to pound town right then and there, but she refused because we just met. After we’re through hooking up she wants to go back to her friends, so I bounce back to my place.

As I'm walking back I call my friend, but he's passed out. So I roll back to my room (roommate no where to be found) and I notice that there’s a slight discoloration to my hands. I immediately run to the bathroom and, well, I didn't know whether to wash my hands or throw up. Since I’m pretty sh*tfaced, I just clean myself up. Then, as I’m undressing I notice that on my jeans there’s blood everywhere, and I mean EVERYWHERE. There’s blood at the bottom on the jeans, on my back pockets, everywhere. I couldn't handle it all so I just went to bed.

The next day I go to the cafeteria with my friends and tell the story to everyone (I don't really have any shame). On the walk back a friend notices a stain on my jacket and makes a joke (the same jacket I wore the night before) and I immediately see again, more blood. I didn't think that the situation could get any worse, but 15 minutes later a picture on Facebook emerges of the white leather couch all covered in red, as well as a picture of my blood covered jeans, and both were tagged with my newly appointed nickname, B.H.S. (Bloody Hands Scott).

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