[Ed. note: This is a response to an earlier piece titled "Confession: I like Porn Better Than Sex"]
For all the shit I’ve written in my life about sex and bad sex and relationships and not so good relationships, I had to admit, reading this dude’s confession in the thought box made me feel a little sad. Originally, when I read the title on the Tweet, I actually got a little nervous. Could guys really like porn better than actual sex? If so, that’d probably make my dating life a million times harder. But the truth is, after reading this guy’s story, all I can say is this kid needs a real girlfriend. And fast.
I am all for porn, believe it or not. I am not one of those sketchy girls who gets offended by it or by their boyfriends’ watching it. I don’t want anywhere near as much porn as some of my penised friends, but any girl who says she’s never watched porn before is lying.
And I get it, man. I get the need for it, the attraction, all that shit. But I think what this kid is saying isn’t that he likes porn more than sex, it’s that he prefers the inability to be rejected that getting off to porn affords him.
Can people live without love? Of course. But as someone who has been in love and as someone who hasn’t been in the love for at least the last year, life is pretty good when you are in a healthy relationship and get some love out of it. And the idea that any kind of false visual would be able to make up for that to me is beyond bizarre.
Everything he said about porn is true, for the most part. Except the fact that he keeps referring to it as “her” makes me oddly worried for this kid. Porn is not a her. The girls this kid is getting off too are no more real in his life than the episode of Tosh 2.0 he probably watched right after. And he says its “easier”, like having a sexual relationship with someone is somehow a parallel or an equal on some spectrum to watching porn. It isn’t. That’s like me saying watching The Notebook is the easier version of me dating Ryan Gosling.
To be honest, I feel like this is a kid who simply just hasn’t found the right girl yet and is so obviously sick of rejection that he is starting to create this weird, World of Warcraft type obsession with porn as a world where women don’t reject him. And that to me is sketchy. It’s like the women who want Christian Grey to be real and instead of going out and meeting actual men, they reread that God awful book every day and pretend they’re the girl in it.
Yeah, relationships are hard. It sucks opening yourself up with the chance of rejection. And it sucks even more when it happens more than once. But the idea that porn makes up for any of the positives you get in a relationship – even just a sexual one – is so far fetched to me it sounds crazy. This dude’s longest and best relationship has been one month. I think that speaks volumes about his ability to differentiate porn and a relationship or why they aren’t even comparable on a social and emotional level.