[inline:trin]Note from Waffles: College Chick Breakdowns is a weekly piece that sets out to explore all different types of chicks that one might encounter at a certain institution of higher learning. Without your help these pieces are not possible. My goal is to eventually do every school in the country (I like to set lofty goals) but that will, of course, take some time. So please remember that good things come to those who wait. For example, I made a wish about 15 years ago for Michael Jackson to die, and blamo, my patience finally paid off. So be patient, keep submitting your emails, and I will get around to doing your school. To have the chicks at your school or alma mater dissected, email me at WafflesMcButter@BroBible.com. As promised, this week's school is Trinity College, a NESCAC school located in Hartford, Connecticut. The school's stated mission is to "foster critical thinking, free the mind of parochialism and prejudice, and prepare students to lead examined lives that are personally satisfying, civilly responsible, and socially useful." I have no f*cking idea what any of that actually means but after talking to a few students I would have guessed that the school's motto was to "Ball, f*ck, and get paid." That's probably what the founding father's original mission means in layman's terms.
I had several contributors write in to help me discuss this week's school. From current students to recent alumni, Bros couldn't wait to gush about the broads that pollute Trinity's campus. One guy summed Trinity up nicely by saying, "With Hartford being the insurance capital of the world, Trinity can insure you with a wide variety of good-looking p*ssy. If you are the clingy type looking for your soul mate, hit the highway." The Looks Department Trinity has a mere 3,000 undergrads but that doesn't mean it's not full of smoking hot broads. Sure, small East Coast schools might not have the abundance of hot tang as a collegiate powerhouse but what they lack in size Trinity makes up for in quality. In terms of overall hotness, the girls at Trinity are definitely very good looking and all the unsightly broads usually stay behind closed doors; most days you don't have to worry about dealing with any trolls. The girls all keep their shit together and most don't leave the house without putting their face on (see: make-up). I found this eloquent quote from a current student to be a fit summation in regards to the overall looks of the broads at Trinity: "The girls are hot, I mean really hot. When spring comes, I just look around the campus and thank God. Seriously, I thank Him." Sex Life The lack of monogamous relationships at Trinity provides ample opportunity for stabbing several chicks with your dick. According to one source, chicks don't even require beds. If they want to f*ck you, there is a good chance that it's straight up prison rules. Our source said, "I can't even begin to remember all the stupid-ass places where the girls wanted to f*ck. I got down in the basements of frats, the football field, the squash courts, you name it and they'd want to do it there." Because the girls at Trinity are down to f*ck and since it's such a small school, there is a good chance that you're Eskimo brothers with just about all your buddies -- or you will be by the time you graduate. Maybe you can also get family packs of penicillin or discounts at the abortion clinic. One candid cocksman told me that several legendary chicks -- known primarily for their tawdry bedroom antics -- exist at Trinity. One prodigy carries the moniker "Cokebutt" because she likes a guy to do coke out of her ass before he rails it without mercy. Our source said that one time he spoke with her about this and she said "I love anal, but sometimes it just hurts a little so why not put some coke on first to numb it." You can't argue with that logic. Another classic hoe is "Throat-f*ck." This girl basically likes to lay on the end of the bed with her head hanging over and begs you to f*ck her face. It is hard to fathom that these gems will be mothers some day, isn't it? Party Habits Due to the dangerous surroundings and city of Hartford, the faculty and campus security generally couldn't give a shit about what you do on campus as long as you don't venture into the city or follow in the footsteps of Charles Manson. There are really no rules about drinking across campus and booze in solo cups is kosher campus wide -- which promotes blackouts as well as some risque behavior. The dorms at Trinity tend to have a constant odor of marijuana wherever you go, which could be attributed to alarming amount of incompetent campus police who would rather spend their time laughing at high alcoholics than writing citations. For going out, the fraternities definitely dominate the social scene. Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are the big nights. The fraternities' don't open up shop until around midnight, so until then, everyone is either at house or dorm parties. The frats usually stay open until at least 3 a.m. but sometimes the parties go until sunrise. That means people are getting f*cked up for a solid six to eight hours just about every time they go out. In terms of yearly extravaganzas, Psi Upsilon's Tropical Party is always a shit show. The fraternity packs the back of the house with 20 tons of sand and this past year, DJ Ian Carey perform. Another treacherous party at Trinity is Spring Weekend. It's a four-day debauchery fest that will put your liver into the ICU. Past performers at Spring Weekend have included: DJ Unk, Fabulous, and T.I. One of our sources told me that the year DJ Unk and Fabulous came, he had a friend who was instructed to pick up them up from the airport and during the limo ride they smoked several bunts and even ripped some rails of blow. Drug and alcohol use tends to run rampant at Trinity and the schools administration seems to be aware, but according to our sources, since everyone is intelligent, rich, and attractive, they do nothing to stop it. Greek Life Although the Greek system only represents a small portion of the population, as stated earlier, the frats at Trinity are a large part of the social scene and they are also prime arenas to find great-looking broads with hungry eyes. The sororities on campus, however, are not in the forefront of the social picture and only Kappa Kappa Gamma is nationally recognized. Here is how the girls at Trinity stack up in certain areas: (Note: For the grading, I took the averages of what each guy submitted.) Hotness:A- Willingness to f*ck (DTF):A- Daddy's bank roll: A plus Alcohol Consumption: A Intelligence: B plus Chillness: B Interest in Athletics: C (only because of Squash, Lacrosse, and Homecoming) Maintenance Level: B Prevalence of Fake Tits: D Overall Grade: A For those of you who have sent in some info regarding the kinds of tomatoes found in the gardens at your school, here is a list of the breakdowns that will be coming in the next month or so. Thanks again for all of your help, without which these articles would not be possible.
- Villanova University
- University of Kentucky
- Clemson University
- Southern Methodist University
- Boise State University
- Ohio State University Previous College Breakdowns:
- University of Miami
- University of California, Santa Barbara
- James Madison University
- Marquette University
- Arizona State University
- Johns Hopkins University
- Indiana University Editor's Note: Some of you might be wondering where the photos went for these posts (that's alum Mary McCormack above). Needless-to-say, it can be difficult to find photos that we actually have permission to post. We've received more than a few angry emails. So, find a friend on Facebook who went to Trinity, and take a spin through his photo albums; we're sure you'll see the talent.