[inline:laurie]Note from Waffles: Bros, as you all know by now, College Chick Breakdowns is a weekly piece that sets out to explore all different types of chicks that one might encounter at a certain institution of higher learning. To date, with your help, we have dissected seven universities (links to those can be found after the post). So please remember that I cannot talk about a school without your help. It would be great if I could go to every school and experience them all, but time and money unfortunately still exist. So if you have the urge to talk about the girls at your school or alma mater, email me at WafflesMcButter@BroBible.com This week's school is Loyola University but before anyone from a NESCAC school sends me a severed head or a moldy waffle, I want you to know that next week's installment will be focused on the babes at Trinity College. So if anyone has any input, please contact me. Loyola University (established as Loyola College or LoCo) is a Jesuit school located in Baltimore. Loyola has approximately 3,500 undergraduates, and the majority of them come from well-to-do families in the Northeast. Sixty percent of the student body is women and according to College Prowler, they're of the A+ quality. I knew five broads who went to Loyola and I find this a tad hard to believe. I'd sooner put a bullet in my brain or pour rock salt down the hole of my dick before I'd f*ck four out of the five of them. Our sources insist that the girls at Loyola are both gorgeous and rich, so we'll believe them.
The Looks Department Although their neighboring college, Johns Hopkins University, is littered with bio-waste, Loyola's campus is the exact opposite. It is filled with absolute stunners. The school is chock-full of 8's, 9's, and 10's, so if you want to live in Baltimore, and you aren't a homo, this is the place for you and your cock. Fatties and trolls probably exist -- like they do at every school -- but Loyola has a solid base of 6's and 7's that are great if you have low expectations or if you are in the midst of a wild slump. Generally speaking, if you are in a drought and you f*ck anything that looks better than Steve Buscemi -- even if it's a different class of mammal -- you've had a good night. If the worst you have to settle for is a f*cking 6 to bust your slumps, you really have nothing to complain about. To coincide with their looks, the chicks on campus are always dressed to perfection and they wouldn't be caught dead going to class in pajamas or sweats. That shouldn't stop you from dressing like a hobo. Sweatpants and getting a random boner at an unfortunate of time go great together. Sex Life The chicks at Loyola may seem innocent and pure to the nekked eye but, rest assured, they are always ready to be naughty. Porn star Laurie Wallace (pictured above) is a Loyola alum, so you know these girls are down for almost anything. A heaping dose of Catholicism might prevent some girls from acting like sl*ts in broad daylight, but when those same girls swallow a few liters of booze, all inhibitions and morals fly out the window. This is why the girls you might see at Church are the same girls who were running wild through the streets just hours beforehand. Upon waking up the next morning, Loyola chicks will rely heavily on confession to absolve them of their sins. Foolishly, these broads actually think that going to Church will make up for the six dicks they sucked over the course of the weekend. I bet they also believe in the Easter Bunny and Pro Life, too. Party Habits Students at Loyola go hard in their own way and claim to be big drinkers, although maybe not the biggest. Most of the partying at Loyola is performed at off-campus bars. The house party scene is small and usually only occurs when sports teams throw them. Our source says that, "The bar scene can get a bit expensive but everyone from Loyola is rich, so we manage." One thing is sure: the kid doesn't suffer from a lack of hubris. Loyola doesn't have a football team so they make up for their tailgating deficiency with their pre-games. The campus is strict on underage drinking but you're most likely to get caught as a freshman. The upperclassmen apartment dorms are so big that you can comfortably have a pong/beirut table with 30 people. As long as your group is smart and isn't leaving the door wide open or screaming, pre-games usually go off without a hitch. Every night of the week taxis line the parking lot of the dorms on both sides of campus, anxiously waiting to take Loyola students to their favorite Baltimore bars. Girls from Loyola can be found at bars in Fell's Point, Fed Hill, and York Road. Fake IDs are a good investment for your social life and there are plenty of ways to get them. People without IDs can go to Johns Hopkins frats but the girls there are ugly as homemade sin so you're better off staying at home and rubbing your dick with a cheese grater. Craig's fest Once every semester a bar near to Loyola's campus holds an all all-day drinking festival. People from all over the northeast come to Craig's Fest to engage in day drinking and severe debauchery. The goal is to get f*cked up beyond reason and the motto is "18 to swim, 21 to drown." This event is Chay central. The celebration involves two beer trucks filled with hundreds of kegs and a mechanical bull. Greek Life Fraternities and sororities do not exist at Loyola, so if you desire to be a part of something bigger and get broads at the same time, try lacrosse. There are plenty of laxitutes to go around. If you suck at sports and hate religion, start a cult. That should sit well with the suits in the administration office. Here is how the girls at Loyola stack up in certain areas: Hotness: A- Willingness to f*ck (DTF): B+ Daddy's bank roll: A+ Alcohol Consumption: B+ Intelligence: B+ Chillness: B Interest in Athletics: C+ (Only because of Lacrosse in the Spring) Maintenance Level: B Prevalence of Fake Tits: B- Overall Grade: A For those of you who have sent in some info regarding the kinds of tomatoes found in the gardens of your school, here is a list of the breakdowns that will be coming in the next month or so. Thanks again for all of your help. These articles would not be possible without it.