Conversing, closing and carrying on — the three C’s of socializing with women — are often defined before you even get going on the first part of the process, which suggests that breaking the ice is as vital to our masculine existence as the blood that pumps through our veins.
A Bro should have an arsenal of opening lines at his disposal, but the real trick is not to overplay them to an extent you get lackadaisical in your approach. In short, you should be just as good on your toes — in the moment — as you are when you have time to prepare. And remember, breaking the ice is just as effective without words (bumping and grinding on a random chick, for example) as it is with words.
It’s like taking a test, studying pays certain dividends, but what’s it really worth if you can’t naturally succeed without the repetition.
I have a bad tendency to use the quarterback analogy when it comes to girls, but I think it applies to breaking the ice— a lot of what makes the position of the quarterback is the mental preparation and hard work he puts in when people aren’t watching, but what yields the most attention, popularity, fame and, sometimes, success is a player who can improvise and make plays that other guys are simply afraid to make (see: Michael Vick, Robert Griffin III and even the late, great Brett Favre).
To paraphrase Wayne Gretzky: you make none of the shots you don’t take.
Confidence is the only virtue worth practicing when it comes to hitting on chicks and breaking the ice. Pick up lines and shallow compliments already send out desperation alerts to her that you’re similar to at least three other guys she’s been with in the past.
I can’t emphasize these two points enough: originality and improvisation. Why? Because these show her you’re different, creative and not afraid to take risks — you’re confident.
If she senses these traits, she will converse with you as long as you’d like and from there, it’s all about closing.
Here are eight guidelines to break the ice:
1. Make physical contact
Although it’s an aggressive tactic that may scare off a girl who’s name you haven’t even learned, making contact is essential to the weeding out process. Do you really think you’re going to take home a chick that over reacts when she’s bumped accidentally at the bar or tapped on the shoulder? The answer is no.
Your best bet is to get one thing straight before any conversation even starts — what type of girl is she? If she’s the aforementioned uptight broad, then you’re chances of scoring are very, very low.
2. Listen and then talk
This may really simple, but I can’t stress it enough — use your surroundings to your advantage and pick up on anything she might be saying about where you are, who she’s with (or who she knows) or what she likes to do. If you can find out information about her before you get to the conversation, then you’re already a step ahead of the rest of the competition who doesn’t know a damn thing about her.
The blind approach of going right up and saying anything is not only ineffective, it’s asinine. Why do people think this is going to propel a lengthy conversation? Where do you go after your pick up line has been dropped? Most of the time it’s nowhere. The conversation dies and she walks away. That is why it’s essential to not plot what you’re going to say to her, but rather listen to what she’s saying and then work your game off of that.
Dancing is the easiest way to show that you’re not intimidated of anyone or anything, including her. Yes, you may look dumb doing it but it doesn’t matter. Trust me, this is one of those acts where if you take a leap of faith, it will pay off at a very high rate. If you miss out on your intended target, then you have to keep going. Giving up after taking a short risk only lessens your chances of talking it up with the next girl because your confidence has already taken a hit and you’ve let fear enter the mind. Socializing with the opposite sex is just as much mental as it is physical.
4. Eye contact
The bro who looks around loses. It’s that plain and that simple. You better be able to give her attention and show her you can focus from the very first moment, otherwise she’ll walk away. I don’t think guys understand how important this is because the perpetuated misconception girls like it when a guy plays hard to get. Let’s get one thinking clear: women like directness and confidence. They loathe cheating and ogling eyes.
In case you think eye contact is no big deal, then try this next time your out: try bringing home a chick without looking at her at all. You’ll be using your hand I guarantee it.
5. Don’t tell jokes
Trying to be the funny man, or even the hero (more on this in a bit), is the ego trying to take control of a situation it should be far removed from. Chances are you’re not Chris Rock or Louie CK, so telling a joke is completely the wrong approach for a variety of reason; mainly, because you’re not funny. Even if you have a natural, God given comedic talent, the aloof jokester is still not the part you want to play — at least not right away. One, she may not get your humor; two, she may be put off if the content of the joke; and three, she may find you funny which she associates with another ‘F’ word — friend. I’ve found out the hard way that trying to get a chick to laugh is a lot of effort with little reward.
6. Manipulation is constipation
Or should I say: going over the top to impress her is only going to bring you pain.
I’ve seen a lot of theatrics that dudes have conducted because they thought it would help their chances, but in reality they were misguided. The fake hero loses as often as the bro who doesn’t keep eye contact or tries to drop a hefty one liner out of thin air.
All the extra effort is worthless if you can’t break the ice in the first place and manipulating the scene, or rigging the deck, is exactly this — a sideshow that takes you away from the job you’re supposed to be doing. There’s absolutely no need to present her with a circus before you’ve even learned her name. Be smooth, not desperate. If she sees through your bullshit and realizes your heroes cape is full of holes not only will you be going home empty handed, you will have wasted a lot of time and effort on a situation that needed neither of the two.
7. Make a connection
While I don’t condone manipulation, some cheap lies to get the conversation flowing could be utilized, if necessary. Now, I’m not saying create a whole new persona for yourself (though, this could actually work if it’s exceptional fictional career like a hostage negotiator); rather, if you need to resort to stretching the truth to make a connection. An example I like to use is hitting on a chick from somewhere exotic like Australia. Say you’ve been there before because how will she really know? Say something about the capital city and move on. If she starts quizzing you, say you were there when you were younger. I know this sounds like it could backfire, and it can if you’re too drunk to be suave with your lying, but it usually isn’t a bad course of action if you feel she’s slipping away and you want to keep her around.
8. Do something memorable
Like I said earlier, sometimes words aren’t even necessary to break the ice. If you do something that’s memorable enough, yet not that obnoxious in her eyes, then she may be coming to you to start the conversation. More often than not though, you’ll still have to open the dialogue up, but, if you’ve done something to let her know of your presence, then raising that ice pick will seem weightless.
It’s hard to perfect this without knowing anything about the girl beforehand — what she finds funny, what she hates — but if you’re looking to strike up a conversation with any decent-looking gal and no one in particular, then this is the grenade equivalent in your arsenal because it’ll effect the largest number of girls with doing the least amount of work. The examples for this are really situational, but they include simple stuff like signing to music to more complicated shit like doing a handstand. The key is to make yourself stand out from the competition and to do so in a confident manner.
[Man hitting on woman image via ShutterStock]