Halloween is definitely my favorite holiday of the year with the gracious amount of cleavage and beer that every party includes. People all over the country, celebrating in the name of… who cares, there’s beer and tits everywhere! It’s the one night you are allowed to be someone/something else and it’s socially acceptable. Your costume is an expression (or lack there) of your personality. And guess what, at any given moment, someone is judging you and your costume. Below are 8 types of costumes and what they say about the individual who wears them.
Dressing up as a celebrity will let people know you’re up on your pop culture and that you can impersonate a celebrity. It’s always impressive when you can display a skill during Halloween and if you can impersonate a celebrity, play to it and be the life of the party! Side note: If you’re white and you choose to go as a black rapper it does not give you any sort of permission to drop the N-bomb.
If you dress up as a monster, you’re creepy. Monster costumes were cool in 3rd grade, now it’s just weird that you want to dress scary at a party. Plus when you dress up as a monster, the costume usually interferes with hooking up. Think about these things when “Wolfman” flashes through your head as a plausible costume choice.
If you dress up as a hero, you’re just boring. Everyone saw ‘The Avengers’ and ‘Dark Knight Rises’ this year; we don’t really need your rendition of it. I don’t want to hear your Christian Bale’s Batman impression all night and your Captain America costume looks like a blue condom. Also, you and 24 other people at your party are probably going to have the same costume. Stand out; you’re better than that average hero costume and I promise you can find a better way to show off your abs.
Similar to the hero, the villain is boring and even more overdone. I already have four friends who have decided to be Bain and they’re all going to the same party. It’s bad enough having one friend trying to impersonate Bain, but imagine when there’s 30 of them walking around a party. I used Bain as an example to represent the onslaught of villains we see every year. Remember the Joker? Yeah that costume was annoying before ‘The Dark Knight’ even ended as was Darth Vader and Darth Maul and every villain costume ever. Don’t be another villain.
Dressing up as an animal is cute. It’s not really that funny (unless you dress up as a cow because udders are hilarious) but as a whole, it’s not very exiting, “Wow, so Brian dressed up as a Chipmunk, awesome.” There are two positives though, girls think animals are adorable and will automatically think you are a humane person and if it’s cold, an animal costume will always keep you warm. If you dress up as the guy fucking the sheep in the photo at the top, obviously throw my previous statement out the window because that is awesome.
(No costume, no photo. Go fuck yourself, no costume guy.)
The people that don’t dress up are just terrible people. It’s Halloween, show some goddamn spirit and just do something. Even if you just put on a suit and call yourself a gangster, that’s better than nothing. This displays a complete lack of creativity and effort, or that you’re “above” Halloween (and no one is above Halloween). You are probably what they refer to as a, “Party pooper” and you deserve every negative comment that is tossed in your direction. People hate you.
This is a touchy one; because cross-dressing could make Halloween your ‘coming out party’ or it could be HILARIOUS, it all depends on how display your character. If you have a girl do your makeup really well and you’re actually trying to be a ‘hot girl’ the costume may inadvertently tell people you would like some D. On the converse if your wig sucks and you haven’t shaved in a few days and you have a girl do light makeup, it will probably be funny and people will love you for being the guy in a dress.
Play On Words
Often regarded as lazy but original, play on word costumes always get a laugh and require little work. People will forgive you for making a shitty costume if it’s clever enough. One year I wrote numbers on a T-shirt and I was, “Someone you could count on.” Another year I taped cereal boxes to a shirt and put a fake knife in them and I was a “Cereal Killer.” I got good responses for both costumes and people thought I was super original. Just Google play on word costumes and enjoy getting all the attention at your Halloween party.
The important thing to remember about Halloween is that in the end, it’s all about what you wake up next to on November 1. Don’t let your costume work against you.
Aristotle is a Florida based comedian who thinks that every girl dresses as a ‘Slutty (insert noun here)” for Halloween. You can follow him on Twitter @sToTle.