I'm sure you're feeling the way I am today: sick of all this Valentine's Day talk. Is it so bad that I just want to remain single while still casually slaying the box out there? I'm not writing 10-page cards or dressing in red: I'm telling stories and fingerblasting underneath the bar. As you should be. Unless you have a girlfriend, then good for you for taking a perfectly good piece of ass off the meat market. Jackass.
Just because it's the love day doesn't mean you can't get your D wet. Actually, there will be groups of girls out together to talk, cry, whine about their crimson tide, and more. In each one of these groups will be a bird who really just needs a good horizontal workout. Trust me. You will notice she is always one or two margaritas ahead of everyone else. Here are eight spots to hit up in an effort to raise your flag.
Not all these places I would endorse on a weekly basis. In fact, some of them I'm embarrassed to recommend, but whatever, I'm just trying to help you populate this planet.
Yeah, they are for dudes who wear skinny jeans, but they do contain top-notch talent. I'm sure since she's alone on Valentine's Day she'll be pouring over whatever Cosmo issue is out. Casually joke how those never work.
2. Yoga Class
Ass central. Literally. Chicks stretching and Lululemon pants all over. If a girl is at yoga on V-Day she is definitely single. After class the babes should pounce on the only dick in the room… you.
3. Coffee Shop
Don't be that guy doing work in Starbucks all day and conducting f*cking meetings for the price of one tall coffee all day. Just mingle around and make small talk.
4. Grocery Store
I was at Trader Joe's the other day and couldn't believe the ass roaming that place. Since the food is a little different, chicks are always reading the labels. Easy small talk. Plus, easy access to cheap wine.
There's a "Brew N' View" here in Chicago (another reason I'm loving this new spot) where you can get shitfaced and watch three movies. You should be able to nail a popcorn finger HJ at least. There will be a lot of dates, but girls will also be in groups (kill the pack).
6. Tequila Bar
Obvious. Tequila bars are not my style usually, but all girls want to drown their single pains on Valentine's Day. Read up on this article to get a quick background in the Mexican booze.
For all you college Bros, if you see a girl roaming Facebook looking at pictures of people dating… you're in. She wishes that was her. Time to step up and talk to that hot piece in Anthropology 101. Or maybe you attend Naughty America University and all the babes are nekked.
8. Sushi Spot
Too easy. Something about sushi gets chicks wet. Maybe it's the group fish smell… I won't finish that comment. Go sake bombing, get a touch sloppy, and cozy up to the nearest table of girls. Invite them over. Hopefully your version of "sake bomb" by the end of the night has a much more sexual connotation.