The population of the United States right now is around 320 million people.
And we’re a productive society. We build iPhones and cars and make dope pharmaceuticals that defeat cancer and stainless steel and 4G internet and, like, America’s done a lot of shit. We should be proud of ourselves. Nanotubes! Right? Those are important and hard to make. Definitely not something you could make when you are hungover.
So all the adults in our country couldn’t have a drinking problem, right?
So wrong. A new government survey finds that so many fucking Americans are drunks. From Yahoo!:
About 14 percent of adults were current or recent problem drinkers, or nearly 33 million nationally, and 30 percent — almost 69 million — had been at some point in their lives. Mild drinking problems were the most common, while 14 percent had experienced severe drinking problems.
The study was the first to use a new, broader definition of alcohol abuse called “alcohol use disorder.” Here’s the new criteria. Spoiler: you fit the criteria.
The revised handbook, the DSM-5, defines problem drinkers or those with the disorder as people with at least two of 11 symptoms, including drinking that harms performance at work, school or home, frequent hangovers and failed attempts to limit drinking. Mild problems involve two to three symptoms; severe involve at least six symptoms.
By these minuscule measurements, most of us have alcohol problems.
So… WOOT. Welcome to the club. Pour yourself a drink. If everyone has a problem, and we’re still making nanotubes, then no one has a problem.
Right?