Life
by Lance Pauker on May 29, 2013

“I’m not a businessman. I’m a business, man.” – Jay-Z

This is personal branding in quote form–the only way to de-commodify yourself in an economy where Seamless is a groundbreaking business venture is to give off the illusion that you’re doing something special. Jay-Z has perfected this, and we've all seen the results.

“Life’s a dirty game. You gotta play dirty to win it” – Harris

This is Aziz Ansari’s oft-bashed cousin “Harris,” and the quote above is discussed at mild length in Aziz’s most recent standup special. The beauty of this is that while the quote is arguably extremely “dumb,” its also arguably “genius.”

For instance, here are a few cases where Harris' sentiment applies:

  • The Revolutionary War, when the US Army was shitty-mannered and did Guerilla Warfare instead of the traditional practices. Britain was all offended for violating unwritten rules.
  • When Vince got Turtle those limited edition shoes on Entourage–bypassing traditional protocols to acquire them. 
  • Mark Zuckerberg, when inventing a better version of ConnectU.

 

“Everything's amazing and nobody’s happy” – Louis CK

We’ve reached the societal equivalent of a diner menu. Had we not known about the limited edition XS49 Samsung Galaxy Tab Tablet 5.0 4s, we likely would've been perfectly happy with ordering the French Toast. Louie expounds upon this quite nicely. 

“The antisocial has become social” – Kobe Bryant

 

 

Self-explanatory. You’re on the internet. The people who “matter” on this thing spoke about 3 words in all of high school. It’s a disaster.

 

“It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” – George Carlin

I don’t mean this in the sense that The American Dream is dead, or that you should adhere to ideologies worshipped by people who say “man” at the end of sentences. Its just one of those things that'll likely cause you to have a strong reaction, and strong reactions are important.

It's also an entertaining thing to say when drunk, and watch people go on overly political rants when in actuality, no one really has any idea what they're saying. 

 

“All I care about is money and the city that I'm from” – Drake

When you think about it, this is most people–they go to work, then they go home and watch the Maple Leafs. 

You may hate Drake, but he's got a pretty solid knack for using single sentences to sum up obvious realities of the human condition.  

 

“My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?” - Mitch Hedberg

The most introspective of them all. You can never stop pondering. 

 

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