[inline:pizza]Pizza is the shit. I don't know of anybody who doesn't love the stuff. That sweet harmony of crispy crust, tangy sauce, gooey mozzarella, and pepperoni plays joyous hallelujah in my mouth every time I utilize the patented New York Fold and house a quick slice after a night of hard drinking. Pizza is the ultimate bro food. Working in perfect accord with watching sports and crushing beers, the best thing about pizza (besides the addictive taste) is the convenience factor of a one-handed-meal. This is why whenever I see a sad sack cutting his vegetarian slice with a knife and fork, careful not to spill grease on his precious Ed Hardy gear, I try as hard as I can to fart loudly next to him. These knife-and-forkers belong in the lowest circle of hell along with the douchers that blot the grease off their pizza with a napkin.
Eating pizza with utensils other than your five fingers is most definitely not bro. Men eat with their hands because getting dirty is okay in the eyes of our bros. There's a reason why the phrase "finger-lickin'" was coined. This is why sports in the mud and hallway slip and slides are fun as hell. Some of our most delicious foods are eaten with only the use of our phalanges. Chicken wings, nachos, burgers, monster burritos, or anything fried that will give you a serious case of heartburn and/or the runs are all traditional guy foods meant to be consumed in the company of our closest bros on chay-day. Though p*ssyfooting a slice with your mom's finest silver is decidedly not bro, there is one exception: Chicago style. Those diabetic Midwesterners sure do know how to craft a pan-pie and kudos to the dude who can dominate a Chicago slice with just his hands. The Windy City's deep dish slice is so thick, the knife and fork are acceptable, lest we get elbow deep in marinara. Disagree? Sound Off with your bro-pinions in the Comments below.