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Can’t Get Laid? You Might Be Fucking Up Your Chances With One Of These 56 Dealbreakers

By 08.01.14


I describe a dealbreaker as a 1% – a guy can be 99% perfect for you, but if they have this one trait then all bets are off.  They could literally be Brad Pitt and Leo DiCaprio’s love child and it wouldn’t matter because they have XYZ wrong with them.  Once you notice something about a guy that you consider a dealbreaker  you can’t get it out of your head, and no amount of rationalization can convince you that you should continue dating this person.  For some girls it’s physical. For others, it’s just habits you might have.

So, I decided to do what any normal girl would do and poll my friends to discover what are dealbreakers to them.  At first I got very vanilla answers: being cheap, bad breath, etc.  Then I asked my friends to really dig deep and give me their most shallow and fucked up dealbreakers, as irrational as they may be.  That’s when I started getting some real answers. Turns out a simple fashion faux pas or bad taste in pets can get you kicked to the curb.  Also, I will point out that I know dealbreakers is technically two words according to Websters, but this is a special kind of dealbreaker so I am denoting it to be one word, sue me.

The dealbreakers I found to be the most obvious, and the ones that came up the most, were physical traits.

The Good News: most of you can easily overcome most of these hurdles.
The Bad News: if you’re super, super short or have a tiny penis, you’re pretty much screwed.

-Bad teeth and/or breath
-Bald/receding hair line
-Dirty toenails
-Excess body hair/especially back hair
-Highlighted hair
-Long fingernails
-Meaningless tattoos
-Shorter than the girl
-Small hands
-Eyebrows are too groomed
-Too much hair gel
-Small penis

So as I said, these are all pretty predictable. It starts to get fun when I asked my friends about what fashion mistakes could be a full-on dealbreaker. The short of it is, as long as you don’t dress like a teenager going to a Phish concert and you stay away from man jewelry, you’re probably in the clear.

giphy (1)
-Adidas flip flops
-Any rings besides a class ring, and NEVER on the pinky or thumb
-Anything Abercrombie
-Anything TJ Maxx
-Combining jeans and running shoes
-D-hook belt loops
-Hats besides baseball caps/beanies
-Short sleeve button downs
-Velcro wallets

Then I hit pay dirt when it came to what habits are considered dealbreakers. And honestly, I agree with most of these. There’s 7.046 billion people in this world (yes I Googled “how many people are there on the planet?” to get that number), so why not be picky? When you’re choosing a partner, there’s always going to be things that annoy you about them, but there are some things that are just too big of a red flag:

giphy (2)
-Bad drunk
-Bad kisser
-A bitch about being sick and/or hungover
-Doesn’t read
-Doesn’t appreciate Southern culture
-Girly runner
-Hates making plans
-Insecure about their partner’s success
-Insecurity in general
-Mama’s boy
-Messy eater
-Non coffee and/or wine drinkers
-Non dog lover
-Not being handy (specifically starting fires, grilling, and packing cars)
-Not going down on you
-Not making an effort with friends/family
-Not paying on the first date
-Not punctual
-Owns a ferret
-Owns a snake
-Texting with no follow through
-Too afraid to fly on airplanes

It’s okay to have your dealbreakers, as crazy and shallow as they may seem. But stick to them and learn to forgive and accept your partner for the rest.  Nobody is perfect, so don’t go out trying to change everybody. Just find someone who is perfect for you. In the meantime, for all you cheap, un-athletic, ferret owners out there, you might want to start thinking about donating your pet to a third grade class, joining a gym, and shelling out on the first date.

Dagney Pruner
About Dagney Pruner... Dagney Pruner graduated from University of Virginia and recently left investment banking to pursue her real dream of making half as much money.  In addition to long walks on the beach, she enjoys debunking the mystery of the modern male and dancing, to literally anything.
TAGSdeal breakersRelationships

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