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5 Things That Were Only Acceptable To Do When You Were In College

By / 06.09.14

puke-bro

Many new graduates have been out of college for a few weeks now, and I’m sure they’re quickly realizing there are some things you could do in college that you can’t get away with anymore. Here are some behaviors you might want to reconsider.

1. Puking in a public place

In college it was almost weird if you didn’t see someone throw up when going out. Whether it was one too many beer bongs that later caught up to you or immediately rejecting a shot of vodka that was hotter than a microwaved cup of tea from sitting out in the sun all day, it seemed like someone always ended up puking at some point in the night.

One of my very first, “Oh this is college” moments was when I was in my very first class freshman year and my friend nervously asked to use the restroom. He had to puke from going too hard the night before, but he didn’t know where the restroom was in the building yet. He ended up sprinting outside the steps of the building and puking on the last few steps before finishing behind a bush then returning to class a bit teary eyed. Once you graduate, you’ll have to at least make it to a bathroom when you puke to maintain your dignity as a respectable member of society.

2. Claiming that you can play guitar

Maybe you got a guitar at some point your freshman year, because you thought it’d be fun to learn how to play and, more importantly, impress chicks. You had at least four years of being able to say “I play a little” to girls that would somehow find a way to your place and see your guitar sitting against your wall collecting dust. Once you’ve graduated though, you either can play guitar or you can’t. There is no more gray area where you claim to know how to play, but grab the guitar and have your fingers drunkenly stumble over the frets while you pick the strings like a bad, out-of-tune version of “Simon Says.”

The voice-over guy in that ad is extremely creepy by the way.

3. Playing video games for hours

When you were in college you would have streaks of time where you would have absolutely nothing to do after just two hours of classes in a day. Video games were a perfect substitute to kill time during those streaks of nothing. My roommates and I had one of these streaks during school, so we bought an older version of “WWE SmackDown VS Raw” for PS2. We spent countless hours wasting time creating over 11 different characters, taking one of them all the way through a wrestling campaign, and even created detailed replicas of Marv and Harry from Home Alone to have them fight a 2-on-1 match vs. Kevin McCallister. With that static 40 hour work week, you’re lucky to get in a quick round of Mario Kart with some friends every now and then.

P.S. Kevin won the match with his go to weapon of the aluminum ladder.

4. Going to a stranger’s house uninvited by the home owners

This is a very important one to remember. In college, there was a certain unwritten rule that if someone threw a party, it was usually okay to join in on the party as long as you didn’t cause any fights or eat all their food. It was easier to join in on house parties in college, because you had something in common with all of the people at the party by going to school with them. Going to a house where you didn’t know the actual people living there also happened more often around school-wide celebrations like football games, homecoming, or Saturdays.

Unfortunately, after graduation, house parties will become rarer than a hot chick intentionally posting a bad photo of herself on Instagram. Once you’re out of college, you’ll be spending many more nights at bars intended for what you used to do at house parties. Sure it’ll be more expensive to drink there, but you’ll take your time to enjoy those drinks a bit more, leading to less nights blacking out from chugging out of a liter of cheap vodka.

5. Crashing on someone’s couch

In college, sleeping on someone’s couch is just part of the norm. Whether you were crashing on your friend’s futon in the dorms because you didn’t want to wake up your roommate, or you found yourself at an after party late at night, couches were clutch. In college, couches were just beds without sheets. But after graduating, couches become beds without good life choices. Sure crashing on a couch still happens from time-to-time, but you shouldn’t make a habit out of it. Luckily the older you get, the more uncomfortable couches are to sleep on, so nature pushes you away from making couch crashing a permanent way of life.

For more laughter stuff, Follow me, Toby Davis, on Twitter or Like my Facebook page.

[Image via Shutterstock]


TAGSadulthoodcollegeGrowing up
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