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5 Red Flag First Date Responses for Both Guys and Girls

By / 06.13.14

red-flags

Honestly, first dates are insane. One date can lead you down a path of finding your soul mate, or one date can lead you down the path of extensive psychological therapy. These common questions and red flag answers might not all be complete deal breakers, but they should definitely keep you on your romantic toes so to speak.

Question 1: What do you do for a living?

Red flag if you’re the guy: I’m a dancer

Synopsis: The dude part of a bro’s brain is thinking jackpot, but the gentleman part of a refined man’s brain should be thinking, ‘nakedly for dollar bills?’ The point is that while going on a date with a girl who is a dancer is a sexy idea, the reality is that there just aren’t that many jobs that allow someone to dance full-time, unless you’re a stripper. Even So You Think You Can Dance contestants come back to audition for the show the following year after placing in the top twenty, because they still can’t pay bills dancing. Also, (if she is an actual stripper) I’m sure it’d be fun to say you dated a stripper, but it’s never fun to currently be dating a stripper. For that rare exception where the girl is actually a professional dancer, try not to screw this date up.

Red flag if you’re the girl: I’m an aspiring magician

Synopsis: Grown-ups don’t become magicians. I mean a magician is one thing, but let’s not forget the word “aspiring.” Side note: Someone adding the word “aspiring” before anything can be a red flag. Be wary of that word in general. In this case it means he hasn’t become a magician yet, but he hopes to become one eventually. Sure, there are guys like David Copperfield and Chris Angel who make bank and slay more chicks than they cut in half, but that’s like comparing a top fighter in MMA to a 40-year-old pudgy man who just got his tangerine belt at the local karate place.

Question: So what do you think of me so far?

Red flag if you’re the guy: Look, I think you’re a really sweet guy.

Synopsis: It’s the first date, and you’ve already been put in the fast lane towards the friend zone. This definitely depends on the body language and the way it is said, but most of the time it is a cop out answer. Being put in the friend zone is the worst, and hearing this phrase halfway through a first date in which you think you’re hitting it off is a red flag of what may come. You may not be friend-zoned today, maybe not tomorrow, but definitely as soon as you develop strong feelings for them.

Red flag if you’re the girl: Anything that doesn’t compliment your beauty in at least one way.

Synopsis: This may sound a little shallow, but the fact is that if you don’t find someone attractive to you, it’s hard to pursue a romantic relationship with them. Most guys have a default mode of complimenting a woman’s features (at the very least saying your eyes are beautiful) if they’re genuinely into a lady, so if you don’t hear at least one compliment (usually physical) he might just not be into you, or he’s just a douchebag. The only problem with this one would be if a guy gets too nervous and simply forgets, but that is highly unlikely.

Question: What’s your living situation?

Red flag if you’re the guy: Well right now, right now now? I live with my ex.

Synopsis: This is a pretty obvious red flag. There are very few scenarios where this is ok. If she’s going on a date with you and still living with her ex, it means a few things. For starters, it means that she liked him enough at one point to move in with him, and for finishers it means she doesn’t hate him enough to have already moved out. Think about it. You can live with your best friend and somehow grow to hate them just for not leaving the remote in the same place as you do. So any girl who can still stand to live with her ex that she’s broken up with for anywhere past 30 days, should be a huge red flag.

Red flag if you’re the girl: Well right now, right now now? I live with my parents.

Synopsis: Granted we are still in a tough economy and it’s still hard to get a job, but after graduating high school you should never live at your parent’s house for more than a year at a time. It’s possible to go through a tough six month period living with your parents sometime after graduating, and if you go to college you may move in for a summer in-between semesters trying to save some money. You shouldn’t trust a guy who is satisfied to be living with his parents for extended periods of time though, even if he claims they’re chill, and his mom makes some killer meatloaf.

Question: What’s something I should know about you?

Red flag if you’re the guy: My friends always tell me I’m hilarious.

Synopsis: This has nothing to do with the girl being funny or not. Dating a girl who has a great sense of humor is very important and is the opposite of a red flag. It’s the way the phrase is stated that draws the red flag. If at any point you hear a girl say, “My friends always tell me I’m hilarious” it’s a red flag and here’s why. You shouldn’t have to tell people that your friends think you’re funny, you should just be funny. Granted, maybe girls are a little different, but I’ve never told one of my friends that I thought they were hilarious to their face. I just laugh when things come out of their face.

Red flag if you’re the girl: I like working out a lot. Like a lot a lot.

Synopsis: If I may, I’d like to put in a good word for the guys that don’t work out to the point of unnecessary. Sure these guys look good without their shirts off, but think about how many hours these guys spend at the gym picking things up and then putting them back down. Now think about all the hours we non-habitual lifters are able to spend learning new things, having conversations with people that don’t involve maxing out, and binge-watching Netflix. I’m not saying you shouldn’t date a guy who’s unhealthy, just be cautious of the guy who’s a little too into his own body, or next thing you know you’ll be walking in on him touching himself to his own reflection in the mirror.

Question: Do you have any pets?

Red flag if you’re the guy: Oh my gosh! I can’t wait for you to meet my cats Charles and Edwin. Charles is such a goof ball!

Synopsis: The sad truth is that you can’t completely trust a girl who owns a cat, especially one who is convinced that cats have personalities. There’s a reason that “the crazy cat lady” is a stereotype. A lot of people who have a single pet cat aren’t clinically insane, but if they have multiple cats, you should (paw) step lightly. It seems that a lot of women who genuinely think their cats have a personality are often lacking actual personality in their own life. This leads to them creating multiple personalities in their own minds, which eventually turns them into a crazy cat lady. There you have it folks, I’ve solved why ladies with cats go crazy. Don’t get me wrong, the cat food aisle at your local grocery store is a great place to pick up chicks, if you’re just looking for someone single.

Red flag if you’re the girl: Yeah, I own a pet python.

Synopsis: Run! Seriously, there’s almost no excuse for owing a large pet snake or any pet snake for that matter. Guys that own large snakes are way more dangerous than girls who own multiple cats. Guys that own pythons are the same guys that forget to lock said python cages and let said pythons escape to murder said former alive python owner.

For more laughter stuff, Follow me, Toby Davis, on Twitter or Like my Facebook page.

[Image via USA Today]


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