Life
by woveneric on May 31, 2013

Physical Evolution
Our bodies are a product of our environment and throughout history we’ve grown and adapted as our surroundings have changed. According to a marketing study done by Alloy Media the average college student in 2009 spent approximately 12 hours a day engaged in some sort of media (computer, TV, iPod, Xbox, phone etc…). This constant stimulation will someday have an effect on our bodies. For example now that texting has become the most popular way to communicate with people, perhaps one day our thumbs will be longer so we can sext much quicker in order to mate. Or maybe our eyes will only be able to see things in the Kelvin filter on Instagram. I don’t know exactly what is going to happen to the physical bodies of humans in future generations; but I suspect we’ll be shorter and fatter, with worse posture, longer thumbs and our ears will only be able to hear music played through a pair of Beats By Dre.

Social Disorders
With the speed at which information travels nowadays, our attention spans have already shortened. More people than ever before are being prescribed ADD and ADHD medications and our capacity to be captivated by one thing at a time is almost completely gone. Technology has allowed us to be socially isolated while giving us the illusion that we are in fact being social. You can sit in your house all day, never talk to another human, yet communicate with an endless amount of people on the internet. There are 5-year-old kids literally being raised by the Angry Birds app, and when parents take them away as punishment, the kids lose their shit. What kind of horrible crippling social disorders are they going to have when they’re 20? It’s scary to even think about. The way modern technologies like the Smartphone and the tablet have been implemented in our everyday life has made them a necessity as opposed to a luxury. I can no longer get anywhere without Google Maps, and I know that it isn’t healthy.

Product Longevity
With great advancement in technology should come great advancement in the longevity of a product, right? WRONG. The average lifespan of an electronic device in a developed country is 2 years. I bought my iPhone 4 a year after it came out (when prices went down because I’m poor) and that was in 2011. Six months later I had the battery replaced on it because it would die after 2 hours of use and now with the ios 6.1.3 update it runs beyond slow and everyday I hate it more and more. If it were built to withstand the updates of the operating systems, this would be a great piece of equipment, but because the hardware wasn’t created to handle the software, it’s now a piece of shit and I literally NEED a new phone. That last sentence was the epitome of a first world problem and I really hate myself for saying it.

Economically
According to this article, advancements in technology has the future looking really ugly. Our evolution both physically and mentally looks pretty dim, the speed at which we must upgrade our products is already pretty terrible and at the end of the day that’s just hw it’s going to be. The executives at these companies don’t care about YOU, they care about where they get to go on vacation with their shitty families because you upgraded your hardware. Their company cannot run if they make something that actually lasts. They thrive on the fact that you need to upgrade the equipment you bought from them and the faster they can get you to do it, the more money in their pocket. So as long as technologies keep advancing (which they will) and as long as there is a demand for the fastest, most advanced hardware (which there is) we will continue to add fuel to this fire. Whether or not you think it’s a good thing is up to you, but I know I need the most advanced technologies to stalk my exes on Facebook.

Aristotle is a Los Angeles based comedian who thinks that the Internet looks WAY better when you spend that extra $ on a Mac. You can follow him on Twitter @STOTLE.

[Technology image via ShutterStock]

woveneric

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