[inline:3]Since all of us can't make it to Munich for Oktoberfest this year we've got our own stateside German heritage celebration with bars, brats, and, of course, beers. In order to celebrate Oktoberfest properly you must find the right location in which to get shmammered. You can't celebrate everything the Fatherland has to offer in a nightclub on South Beach or in O'Malley's Pub with shamrocks plastered all over the walls. Here's a top ten list of Must-Haves for your Oktoberfest drinking locale. 10. Long sausage list What German tap house is complete without a full listing of bratwurst, nurnburger, blutwurst, frankfurter, knackwurst, landjager, and other salty wieners on the menu? Don't forget the sauerkraut and mustard. 9. Frauleins Big breasted blondes delivering barrelfuls of Bavaria's best brews. Brought to you by the letter, "B." 8. At least one guy in a lederhosen Unless you're at a gay bar celebrating Oktoberfest, in which case there would be many, many more.
7. Oom-pah No, not those little orange dudes from the Wonka factory. Oom-pah is the big brass band music you hear at beer halls played by fat guys dressed in lederhosen. 6. Das Boot These one liter shoe-shaped glasses hold enough beer to drown your sorrows and make you forget that Oktoberfest comes only once a year. 5. Long wooden picnic tables and open air seating What better way to get to know your fellow faux-Deutschlanders than to sit shoulder to shoulder in the cool autumn air? 4. Beer steins Das Boot is for chugging and party games. Beer steins are for classy drunks who don't want the warmth of their hands spoiling the chilled beer in their glass. Also, the ones with the lids keep your neighbor's vomit out of your beer. 3. Real Germans Have you ever celebrated St. Patrick's Day with a real Irishman? They will drink you under the table. Real Germans have been known to drink the table under the table. 2. A few buddies What would Oktoberfest be without someone to toast you stein with? Sad and pathetic, that's what. 1. German beers on tap Of all the other must haves this is the most important. You could drink German beer out of a Dixie cup on the streets of Mexico and still be celebrating Oktoberfest. There's something about that luscious lager that gets its hooks in you and makes you shout, "Ich bin betrunken." (I am drunk.)