Q: I sent this question to Ask A Bro section, but I also wanted an attractive woman’s input on this. I am going to be turning 24 in March, and I’ve never been past 2nd base. The part that stings is that I live in a college town. Every time I try to talk to a woman, I get shot down after I say, “hey what’s up?”. I really want to score, but the years of constant striking out has made me consider retiring from the game completely, with what microscopic spec of dignity and confidence I have left. What is your word on this?
A: By retiring from the game I assume you mean…entering the priesthood?Becoming a monk? Dating no one but your right hand?
Damn, child; that’s no way to live.
And last I checked, you can’t quit a game you never started. Getting to second base then turning around and whimpering your way back home does not count as playing any game whatsoever. So quit your pouting and let’s work on getting you laid.
First and foremost, you need to wipe that insecure look from your face. I’m serious; girls can sense when a guy lacks confidence, and it seems from your pores like Jack Daniels after a three-day bender. And girls don’t flock to it– they make sure to maintain a safe distance from it altogether, because it just ain’t fucking sexy.
I know you think this is minor or even unachievable, but your visible insecurity is standing in between you and the deflowerment of your boyhood. So even if you have to trick yourself, make it believable.
Chin. Up. Always.
Next, take a good look at your pickup lines. Are you using the same opener every time? Do you notice a certain point where the girls face becomes disinterested, disgusted, or her eyes glaze over? Get a few more approaches in the repertoire and give them a test run. You might be surprised what ladies ultimately respond to. And finally, stop beating yourself up. Sure being a 20-something year old virgin sucks. I won’t deny that. But I will argue that it’s better than being a paraplegic. Or pregnant.
In time, you’ll get your shot. As they say, if you build it, they will cum. That’s how that goes, right?
Q: I am a 24 year old military bro stationed near a college town. The bar scene is far from spectacular, and you don’t get into parties without knowing someone. Some girls really dig the military man thing, but for the most part they pretty much shut down as soon as they find out. It is the only thing holding me back from getting to the next level. Besides lying what is another way to get around that road block seal the deal.
A: So, there’s no need to lie about it straight out–you shouldn’t have to hide your true self for the sake of scoring some tail. I’m not endorsing that.
That said, you military guys have a tendency not only to put out the USA/Army/hardcore vibe, but to discuss it as an opening topic when chatting up the ladies.
I’m not faulting you for this. You’re dedicating your life to your country and I’ll be damned if being a dedicated American doesn’t have it’s sex appeal. But you’ve gotta display your depth beyond that. Show that you’re interested in other things; have knowledge of other topics and aren’t strictly interested in crawling under barbed wire fences and killing dudes, or whatever you guys do.
Yes, that’s how most people think.
And because its a world so foreign to their own, you’ve gotta help meet them in the middle. You’re coming from a place of war and boot camp and testosterone-filled barracks, and these girls are coming straight from the srat house. Find your common ground. Pottery? Sure. Yoga? Why not. Just help them to understand that you aren’t strictly a one-track mind sort of a guy; and that if push came to shove, you wouldn’t choose the war (war? what war?) over them.
Also– and this is huge– if you can help it, DO NOT wear your military uniform out to the bar.
I repeat: disguise yourself in civilian attire for the sake of your sex life. Just…trust me on this.
Q: I decided to ask the Babe instead of the Bro on this one to get a female perspective. I go back to school in a week, and I’ll be back with this girl I’ve basically been casually seeing since the beginning of November. As all the cool kids say, we’re in that “talking” stage right before dating.
Now for the scenario that I’m preparing for. I’m going to guess that sooner or later she’s going to bring up the subject of us dating. We both graduate in May, and we live 6 hours away from each other. I’m ok with keeping our casually seeing thing going on, but I don’t want to date her for just those reasons. If I’m to tell her all of this, you don’t think I’m being a dick right? I don’t know if she’ll like it or not but I think those are legit reasons.
A: I think I get where you’re coming from..but for the sake of your argument, and your girls feelings, I’d work on the explanation a little bit. Its just not that comprehensive.
And frankly, as much as you’d like to deny it “the subject of dating” is a point you’re far beyond. That’s right.
You can jibber jabber all day long about how you’re just hooking up with some girl..but when six months of hooking up on a regular basis rolls around, actions speak louder than words.
Meaning, you should probably stop worrying about a conversation regarding your future relationship and start recognizing that..welp, you’re already in one.
Facebook does not a relationship make.
If that twisted your brain too much, I’m telling you that not everything can be defined, documented or hashtagged into existence. Some things just happen organically, so don’t fret when you get blindsided by the unexpected.
Of course a conversation is always warranted when it comes to a looming distance that’s about to occur between the two of you. I rarely endorse the LDR, but always endorse telling it like it is while you’re in the moment, so stop trying to deny what you’re doing right now.
Q:I live in a small apartment and don’t really have room for a dog but really want a pet. What’s your take on a bro with a cat? Would it be a turn-off to go home with a guy and find that as his pet? Don’t want to blow my game here but really considering it. Thanks.
A: As a dog owner, cat owner and all-around pet enthusiast, I may not be the most unbiased source on the topic.
But thats fine. It’s gonna work to your advantage, I think.
My dog in the city is entirely too big for our quasi-humble abode, and it’s on us to make arrangements accordingly. Dog walker, doggie daycare, a little extra dough to the doorman for having to deal with a portion of the aforementioned…these things add up. Hell, my dog should be paying more rent than I do. Alas, having pets is about caring for another being with unfaltering love. Which brings me to my next point.
As a fairness to your furry friend, don’t commit to one whose needs you can’t accommodate- and certainly not if only out of size-related insecurities. Find one that fits in your house and likes to cuddle.
Get a fucking cat. Who cares? They’re just as much of a pet as any other animal. I mean some people might care, like people with bad dander allergies or a scarring bout of cat scratch fever in their past…but what’re you gonna do? Haters gon’ hate.
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[Virgin man image via ShutterStock]