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The 20 Creepiest ‘Missed Connections’ On Craigslist

By / 09.02.14

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Most of us use Craigslist for typical everyday stuff, like looking for jobs, selling cars, or buying used junk. Typically money changes hands and you go home to resume your regular life. BUT, there’s also another side of Craigslist, a darker, more perverse side. Among this more lustful side of Craigslist lies a little gem called “Missed Connections”, where desperate guys try to wax poetically to find the one who got away.

The results are uncomfortable.

 

craig 1

Because what could possibly go wrong when you lean out of your car window and offer a stranger drugs? Carry on, Buffalo Soldier. Keep fighting the good fight against sober babes at bus stops.

 

craig 2
Hey babe, I like your tats and pink hair. Come get some food with me while I wash my dirty underwear. GOD DANMNMN!

 

craig 3
Calm down ya psycho, she probably just had some dirt in her eye. You’ll have to find someone else to kiss you in the park and make your dreams come true.

 

craig 4
Fern, if you’re reading this listen up: Do not let men you meet on Craigslist get into your car and do anything to you. I, for one, will not be crying at your funeral.

 

craig 5
This has to be the same girl in number 2! There’s no sense of mystery. She saw you and ran away. Give it up.

 

craig 6
She was probably with her dad and brother. And why did you keep running past them? Jesus, man.

 

craig 7
“I’ve seen a lot of cool dogs in my day, and yours, ma’am, is by far the coolest. Can I touch your vagina now? No? Okay.”

 

craig 8
A distinct feature on her leg? Damn man, how long were you standing there for? “Nope, I’m sorry, the girl I saw had exacty 362 visible veins on your left ankle. You’re clearly an imposter.”

 

craig 9
Jesus man, these poor moms are just trying to get their kids’ math grades up. They’re not trying to deal with your weird mid-life crisis ass peeping through your Oakleys at them. Glad you’re not dead though. Keep up the good work.

 

craig 10
Been there myself. Can’t blame him for trying…

 

craig 11
I’m trying to rub that dick-I mean elephant on your neck. Let’s get some sandwiches someplace nice. Perhaps Quiznos?

 

craig 12
Bam bitch! Caught ya looking at my dick…we should get coffee or something.

 

craig 13
There are two things women find absolutely irresistible:

  1. Telling them they look diseased
  2. Banana puns.

This guy just changed the game.

 

craig 14
You, my love, are one intelligent black. I’m much older and hornier than you, but I miss your gap teeth. Get at me.

 

craig 15
I actually kind of admire this guy’s dedication to touching big jugs.

 

craig 16
Hopefully she’s the kind of gal who likes being spied on in Walmart…

 

craig 17
No hugs, just kisses. The epitome of a G.

 

craig 18
You passion for God is so hot. Please help my boner rise again.

 

craig 19
Looking fer a gurl, she’s real proffesional-like, wearing fancy clothes to her fancy lawyer job. I wunna be her Tarzan husband. Help me stalk her!

 

craig 20
Damn, she really was the one that got away. I don’t blame this guy one bit. I’d walk to the ends of the earth to find this casual blowjob queen.

[Image via Shutterstock]


TAGSCraigslist
Matt McCusker
About Matt McCusker... Matt McCusker is a Philadelphia-bred stand up comic who's recently been awarded "Philly's Funniest Person." When he's not out blessing the world with his gift of spoken word he chooses to stay in the house and hang out with his wife and dog in absolute and utter silence. It's really weird.

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