Is it weird that when I read this headline all I could think about was how "Saw" and "Hostel" really missed an opportunity for a gruesome scene? (Maybe they did have this torture method in sequels, I haven't cared to see them all.) Naturally, I thought about how lucky I am not to be a moron who forgets to stow his dick away after he's through with it, but my brain literally went to those movies because this is a NIGHTMARE scenario for any guy. How do you not stop tugging the zipper before your dick and the zipper have become one? Isn't this like accidentally touching a hot stove, where you would immediately recoil your hand because IT'S FUCKING PAINFUL and not keep it there? How goddammit, HOW!?!

According to The Atlantic:

A new paper in urology journal BJU International puts data to the folklore: "Zip-related genital injury."

 

Between 2002 and 2010, 17,616 people went to the emergency room with zip-related genital injuries. And as the University of California, San Francisco team put it, "The penis was almost always the only genital organ involved." (Which is good news for testicles everywhere.) Those roughly 2,000 injuries per year represent about one-fifth of annual penile injuries and "amongst adults, zips were the most frequent cause of penile injuries."

The authors conclude that the problem affects both adults and children and that "practitioners should be familiar with various zip-detachment strategies for these populations."

It's always a toss up with penis-related injuries on what is worse, but between this and having my cock break during rough sex, I think I'll take a broken prick; better to go down swinging than out like a no motor-skills-having bitch. Although I'm willing to bet nowhere near 17,616 men broke their junk since 2002. That is a staggering number, almost double the amount of people that went to my college.

Button Flies, You Guys: Don't Be a Statistic (Copyright no one, 2013)

[Zipper image via ShutterStock]