Smoking weed can be fun. You can gather a great group of friends, or even a group of complete strangers, put a blunt in their hands, and watch them enjoy the high afternoon. However, when smoking, just as when doing anything, it is possible to commit some errors, some follies. Those of you who partake in smoking on a frequent basis will know that some of these smoking follies are more common than others, some worse than others. Therefore, I’ve decided to list out what I think are 10 of the worst smoking follies you can commit. Hopefully in drafting this list, I’ll be able to generate some good discussion and new additions to the list. I hope to leave us smokers in a better place, free of folly-committing a**holes. Enjoy.
10. Hitting the Bong Incorrectly, But Acting Like It’s All Good
Here’s a minor folly, but a good one to start off with. Bongs can be difficult to figure out. I have nothing wrong with someone who doesn’t know how to hit a bong the right way, that’s not my beef. There was once a day when I didn’t know how to hit one myself believe it or not. But when you clearly don’t know how to hit the bong, but don’t ask for help, and act like everything’s gravy, you look like a f*cking idiot. Either someone ends up having to light it for you, or take out the slide for you, or wipe your damned chin, you drooling infant. I don’t enjoy watching idiots while I burn.
9. Spilling the Bong Water
We’ve all been there before. Everyone’s enjoying a nice afternoon with some bong tokes, just really going with the flow. Then comes along some baboon with clumsy fingers or just not enough chemicals in his brain, and he either kicks the bong over (spilling the bong water) or attempts to clean the bong the wrong way (again spilling the bong water). Regardless of which offender you happen to be, the result is some smelly ass liquid seeping into your carpet. Not only does this smell horrible, but also now someone must go refill the bong water. Chances are it’ll be you, f*cktard.
8. Hitting Out of Turn
I want to make a clear difference here between someone who hits out of turn and someone who “taxes” the joint/blunt. Someone who is “taxing” the blunt clearly knows what’s going on, he/she either is taking advantage of others’ slipping, or simply being a douche on purpose. Either way, someone who taxes, MEANS to do it. Now, if you, on the other hand, don’t purposefully hit out of turn, but do so just because you aren’t smart enough to remember the order, you just committed a smoking folly. A goddamn annoying one at that.
7. Passing the Wrong Way
This one is difficult for me to put up but I feel it must be done. I personally have a bunch of friends who truly have horrible short-term memories; there are times when they really just don’t remember which way the joint came from. This is understandable; some people smoke themselves retarded. However, if you have ever been on the receiving end of this folly, that is, you were waiting patiently just to get a nice toke of the joint and then it carelessly is passed back to where it came, you know where I’m coming from. For all you crackheads: keep the joint/blunt in the hand that it was passed to you when you hit it, and then use your other hand to direct it along the right path. Should keep you out of harm’s way.
6. Hitting Too Many Times
Now these people are just inconsiderate. I don’t care whether you’re in a 20-person cipher or a three-person one, DON’T OVERHIT THE BLUNT. I myself am not a huge stickler to the “puff puff pass” rule when it comes to blunts — I feel like that’s a bit strict. However, everyone knows when they’ve had their fair share of hits. I admit that I have hit too many times myself, I’m no saint. But for you chronic abusers, cut the shit.
5. Slobbering the Blunt/Joint
This smoking folly should really go without saying. If you have ever partaken in the smoking of the sweet sensi, then you know that there are some people out there who just love to lick their lips right before hitting the blunt. Let me say this once: YOU'RE NOT SUCKING A DICK! At no point is there need for your lips to be wet when smoking weed, this is foolish. All you will end up doing is pissing off your fellow smokers, getting a slap in the face, and watching the rest of the kush get burned. No one wants to taste your saliva when trying to get high, so take your Elton John activities elsewhere. Fuckin rookies.
4. Requesting to Roll and Fucking Up
Now that I just read over this title, I’m wondering whether it should hold a top-3 spot. Don’t ever, ever, ever ever ever ever, request to roll the damn thing if you can’t. I’m fairly generous when it comes to rolling; as long as it’s done well, I don’t really care who did it. But too many times I’ve allowed the reins to be placed into the hands of a novice a**hole that has me regretting my good faith. Unless you hail from a land of shitty rolled products, you should probably know whether you can or cannot roll. Potheads are usually generous by nature; don’t make us think twice about it.
3. People Who Say, “Yo lemme hit that?”
Maybe this is just me. I can’t f*cking stand those of you who ask to hit the blunt/joint. Smoking weed is meant to be a nice, calm atmosphere. There’s no need for idiots requesting hits, annoying others in the circle. IT WILL COME TO YOU WHEN IT’S MEANT TO. Chances are if you’re asking for a hit, you either a) didn’t roll it, b) didn’t buy it, or c) don’t deserve to be there in the first f*cking place.
2. Breaking the Bong
This is a Cardinal Sin. I don’t care how f*cking high you are, Snoop Dogg high, Bob Marley high, I don’t give a f*ck. Breaking someone’s bong is a huge no-no. I’ve seen both friends and enemies break bongs, and the result is never pretty. Not only is a whole bunch of money down the drain due to someone’s stupidity, but now everyone else must find another way to get high. This really is just a shitty thing to do.
1. Moochers Committing Any of the Above
Moochers are my least favorite people in the smoking community. When I look at a moocher, I probably feel the same damn hatred that that bus driver did when he heard Rosa refuse to move. It doesn’t matter to me if sometimes you can’t throw down on a sack, or sometimes you can’t throw in on the blunt, but if you mooch on a regular basis (and you f*ckers know who you are), you’re on my shit list. Now, if you are a moocher, and you commit any of the aforementioned follies, you must be one of the shittiest smokers alive. If you’re gonna be a damn moocher, you better have the best smoking etiquette of everyone. Don’t f*ck up if you can’t pay, or else I’ll pour the bong water down your throat then shove the bong up your a**hole. Moochers aren’t worth the Big Red that’s stuck to the bottom of my f*cking Nikes.
Sound Off with your additions in the Comments.
