Seventeen-year-old Steven Ortiz of Glendora, Calif., is moving up in the world. Beginning with $30 cell phones several years ago, he started bartering via Craigslist for larger-ticket items. As he reaped the rewards of trading for what was no longer wanted, the value of his trades climbed higher and higher. Oritz has acquired iPods, MacBooks, dirt-bikes, crotch-rockets, a Ford Bronco, and, most recently, a Porsche Boxter S — all via Craigslist bartering. Always on the lookout to trade up, he's now searching for a Cadillac, if someone out there is trying to get rid of one.
Of course, trading your way up to a Porsche (albeit a 10-year-old Boxter) won’t be easy. Ortiz spends up to six hours a day deal hunting, although at this point it remains more of a hobby than a business. But for someone his age, Craigslist bartering offers valuable experience and lessons to be learned about how to be a successful salesman. I’d like to see where he is in 10 years. Slinging used cars and meth are not that far apart nowadays. Neither, at least according to Craigslist, is bartering.
Here are the Top 10 most bizzare things I found for barter on New York City Craigslist today. Inquire at your own risk.
10. Japanese, corn-flavored KitKat bars. I’m imagining chocolate-covered Corn Flakes. What you'd do with an entire box of them if they turn out to be gross (highly likely), I'll never know.
9. Green men’s latex cat-suit… used. And he wants to trade for a vacuum bed, which I assume means an air mattress?
8. Star Wars Models for sale/trade. "NEW IN BOX!1!11!!" The Millennium Falcon will not help you find a girlfriend, however.
7. Hypnosis gift certificates. Your buddies will never Ice you again for fear you’ll believe you’re a super hero. Hulk-Hands not included.
6. Free tattoos: $40. Suggested tattoo is above.
5. 2003 rapist van. No radio; which means no Radio Disney.
4. Rollerblades in exchange for massage. As if “male seeking massage, LOTS OF STUFF TO TRADE,” wasn’t gay enough already.
3. College grad writes your paper in exchange for goods/services. Is this illegal? I mean, outside of the college/university's code of ethics.
2. Baby alligator: $200. Reptile fans only. The asterisks surrounding the phrase *baby gator*, worry me. In the way that my dog is still a puppy, but he's 80 lbs. The gator would be a perfect addition to a moat, though.
1. My personal favorite: American Spirit swap. Lights for Ultra-Lights. Somebody please swap with this person and tell me what happens. Ask if they’ll take a sixer of PBR (and a massage, it seems to be a theme) in exchange for them. It’s too hip to be true.