Last week I wrote up 20 reasons to go to college in the South and another 17 why NOT to go to school below that awesome thing called the Mason-Dixon. Well, I caught a lot of shit for the 17 reasons not to go to school down South. Apparently you Southern bros didn’t read the earlier article praising your homeland. Either that or you got some sand in that vag*na. Still, I love the hate — more comments = more reads = AG is happy. As I promised, here are the best reasons to go to school up North. Feel free to tell me to go f*ck myself or that if you see me on the streets you’re going to kick my ass. I love the hate. [And if this article isn't as good as you were hoping, then blame the Newcastle beer review because I was half-drunk when I wrote most of this.]
The only good thing about having a class before noon is the excuse to go to Dunkies and grab a coffee and a breakfast sandwich. Seriously, best thing to happen to mornings since Snap, Crackle and f*cking Pop. America runs on Dunkin? Your goddamn right it does. Without a large hot coffee black every morning I’d be more useless than Clay Aiken’s dick.
The North is a lacrosse powerhouse on both the collegiate level and high schoollevel. At the college level the competition is unmatched. In D1 there are schools like Syracuse, UMass, Cornell, Princeton, Brown, Bryant, and depending on your interpretation of where the North-South border falls, you can also include the likes of Hopkins, Maryland, UMBC, and Navy. I view Maryland as North because I have a shit ton of boys from Maryland and they sure as hell act a lot more Northern than Southern to me. Plus they all say they’re from the North and not the South, so North it is. The D1 schools are great but there are also various D2 and D3 schools. Depending on your level of skill and/or commitment, then one of these programs might be exactly what you’re looking for.
3. The Fall
Possibly the best season of them all, and it gets no better than Fall in New England. The weather has a perfect transition from the summer heat to the cold winter. The warm breeze of the start of Fall to the crisp chill of the end of fall is unmatched. It’s the perfect weather to rock your boathouse jacket out to a football game or a rager. Add in the leaves changing and hard n*pples for the ladies during Halloween and you got yourself a season!
The Amsterdam of America, minus all the strip clubs, girls, and hookers. Just add hillbillies, Ben & Jerry’s, three feet of snow, and pretty much no laws whatsoever. Jay Peak is one of the best mountains in the East to ski along with Killington and Mt. Snow, all in VT. Plus, they got the best maple syrup around. Always a fun time.
Nothing is better then getting f*cked up and going skiing or snowboarding. Fill up a camelback with booze and a pocket of Gar’s and you got yourself a day. Snow bunneys just add to the excitement. My personal favorite is boarding off of the back of the mountain into the trees. If you decide to shred the park just make sure you don’t make a complete fool of yourself. Very un-Bro.
Some people love it, some people hate it, so it will be on both lists. Personally I think that snow is the shit. It just adds so much to your regular day. It makes everything better. Driving in the snow, while unsafe, is so much more fun then driving on dry pavement. Whipping down a snow-covered street and cutting the wheel while simultaneously pulling the E-brake is an experience you have to have before you die. It’s Tokyo Drift minus the Asians and plus a ton of snow. The worst that can happen is sliding into a snow bank. Or rolling your car over and dying. Either or. Snowball fight, anyone? [That's Winter Carnival at Dartmouth above, btw.]
7. The Ivy League
The “Big Leagues” for the Bro. Countless Presidents, CEOs, executives, and more hit up the North for their very own Ivy League educations. If you want to make some bad-ass connections for your future then this is the place to do it. Plus they have the most insane secret societies ever. Yale’s Skull and Bones society is the shit. Even W was a member. Talk about hook-ups. You drop the Skull and Bones pickup line and you’re going home with the hottest girl in the bar every time.
8. Small Liberal Arts Colleges
I don’t really know the book on these but apparently if you want a smaller school with small class sizes and a great relationship with the professors then these are the schools for you. What I do know is that there’s about a million of them up North so there is one for everybody. Also, they for the most part have some very respected programs. One of my buddies goes to a small liberal arts school and they party hard as shit, too. I didn’t expect it but, Jesus, they know how to throw a dorm party. It's good shit. [That's Hamilton College above, btw.]
9. Internship Opportunities
Entering your Junior and Senior years in college, internships become the focus of your summer. Futures are built on the connections you make in college and through your internships. The better the internship, the better the job experience and eventually the jobs that you get. The bigger cities and economic centers of the North offer a plethora of internship opportunities. There’s literally hundreds of thousands of companies up North looking for that summer intern to help do what ever the f*ck interns do. No matter what your field, there is absolutely an internship for you up north and most schools up north have career centers to help find and place you into these internships.
10. Higher Salaries Upon Graduation
Money is the balls. Who doesn’t want money? And don’t feed me this “money doesn’t buy happiness” bullshit. If you don’t think money can buy you happiness then you are obviously not the target demographic of this site. I suggest you head on over to Savetheplanet.com or some shit like that. Only hipsters and communists don’t like money. So take your pick comrade. Happiness bought by money b*tch I just cut up your logic. Most things that make men happy are easily obtainable by money, either directly or indirectly. Cars, prostitutes, houses, TVs, and even sports teams can be bought. Try telling me that owning the Sox wouldn’t make me happy. Money is where it’s at, people, and the North is where you make some serious cash. Jobs on Wall Street may be the pinnacle, but most jobs in cities like Boston, New York, Philly, and others up North pay you larger salaries than in the South. This is partly because of the adjusted cost of living that’s factored into your salary and partly due to the fact that there’s just more money in the companies up North. But if you want to get a good paying job both in or out of college, the cities of the North is where to go.
11. Big Cities
New York City, Boston, Philadelphia, Pittsburg, Baltimore. All these cities have one thing in common: They’re huge and fun as f*ck. Big cities are the best. There are endless choices for food, huge amounts of hot girls, a million bars, cheap public transportation, and tons of jobs. Cities are like their rhyming counterpart, titties. The bigger the better and more fun.
12. Public Transportation
Subways, buses, taxis, trains, trolleys, f*cking rickshaws. You name it, the North has it. Perfect for getting home when you’re absolutely trashed. Relatively cheap and always a good time while wasted, Public Transportation is a lifesaver, literally.
13. BYOB restaurants
Want to get plastered at a restaurant without paying the ridiculously inflated price of beers? Wish you could pay $13 for 30 delicious Nattys instead of $5 for one Stella Artois? Well up north, especially in Philadelphia, if you find the right restaurant then you can. BYOB restaurants gentlemen: Read it and weep.
If you like microbreweries then the Northeast is the place for you. According to microbrewindex.com, there are 59 microbreweries in Massachusetts, 14 in Connecticut, 25 in Maine, 10 in New Hampshire, 53 in New York, 6 in Rhode Island, 63 in Pennsylvania, and 8 in Vermont. Not to mention one of the best beer festivals in the U.S. in Philly every March: A beer-lovers paradise.
15. Really Cheap Vodka
$8 for a handle of vodka. Hard to beat. Hard to drink, but hard to beat. Some of the $8 All Stars include Rubinoff, Poland SEring, Mr. Boston, and Aristocrat. They almost give it away, and it’s great because it gets you absolutely roughed up. You get drunker than LeBron’s mom before she takes Delonte to pound town.
16. Grease Trucks
Now grease trucks are pretty much a staple on a few campuses in the North East and not very widely known, but if you do know about them or have ever had one of their menu items then you know exactly why this is on the list. Might be the best drunk food of all time. If you know somebody at Rutgers, I suggest you get your ducks in line and get up to the dirty Jerz and hit up a grease truck. You can send your thank you cards to the BB office, care of InternTim.
Tons. They dress sl*tty, talk sl*tty, are sl*tty. And those that aren’t sl*ts are awesome. Girls up North are real girls. They love getting f*cked up and going to a football game or filling out a bracket for March Madness. They know how to cook and they know how to clean, they know how to dress and they know how to get laid. Girls up north are awesome. It’s not hard to find a nice girl who likes sports to bring home to ma’.
18. People Tell You How It Is
None of this talk-shit-behind-your-back crap. Up North if somebody has a problem with you they tell you to your face, the way it should be. There’s no finding out from your friend that someone is talking shit; you hear from that person and you hear it immediately. You can decide right there on the spot whether or not to curb stomp him for talking shit or square up and settle it with the guy because you respect him for telling you. It’s the American way.
19. Pro Sports Rivalries
While both the North and South have some storied sports franchises, the rivalries at the pro level are much more intense up north. Yankees-Sox, Mets-Phillies, Steelers-Ravens, Pats-Jets, Rangers-Devils, Bruins-Canadiens. These are some of the most heated rivalries in sports. Getting bombed and going to one of these games is a must-do for college kids in the area, but just as fun are the season-long fights that persist among fraternity brothers with opposing loyalties.
20. College Hockey
Possibly the most fun and underrated collegiate sporting event to attend hammered. It’s 10,000 drunk-ass college kids chanting and pounding the boards watching their team beat up on the rivals. The atmosphere after a big hit or a huge goal is unmatched. It’s the only sport where fighting is encouraged and by far the most intense of any sport out there. Nothing is better than when your rival goalie lets up the third goal of the game and the crowd goes into a chant of “Civ Civ Civ Civ Civ.”
21. Pond Hockey
Every kid growing up in New England has had the experience of playing pond hockey, and it is one of the best things to do in the North in the winter. Lacing up the skates and playing some puck with your boys out on a frozen pond is a must-do for every Bro out there. If you have never played pond hockey I strongly suggest that you first find your balls, then hop on a plane, train, boat, or whatever you need to and get your shit up North and hit the ice. Great times will ensue.
22. Big East Basketball
The best conference in college basketball is the Big East. Cue the ACC crying. The fact is that from top to bottom, the Big East is more solid. With schools like G-town, Syracuse, UConn, Cincy, Louisville, Pitt, 'Nova, Notre Dame, etc., the Big East trumps the three or four solid teams of the ACC. The ACC might historically be better and nobody can beat the rivalries in the ACC, but the level of competition in the Big East is superior. Sorry AG. [AG's Note: The above statement is so patently untrue that I'm leaving it in just to show how delusional Big East basketball fans are. Child, please.]
America’s hat? Yes. Worse army than France? You betcha. Weirdest police force on the planet? Uh huh. But useless? Hell no. For years, under-aged bros have been flocking to Canada for a good time. With a legal drinking age of 18, hundreds of sick places to get your very own fake ID, no pot laws, and titty bars dotted all over the place like crabs on a str*pper’s bush, Canada has been the party safe-haven for Bros up North for ever. Just a quick drive away, Montreal is one of the coolest cities around. Not to mention all the Canadian girls love the American accent. The beer is strong, the Mounties are hilarious, and the air will give you a contact high. All in all a great getaway for college bros in the north.
24. Cape Cod and The Islands
May be the best vacation spot in all of ever. Presidents vacation there, royalty vacations there, I vacation there. The Cape has an atmosphere that you really need to experience to understand. The weather is awesome, the Bros are always out in full force, and not to mention the Vineyard is the birthplace of Vineyard Vines. One of the all time biggest family of Bros, the Kennedy’s, calls the Cape their home. It’s heaven for dudes. Not to mention the seafood is unmatched anywhere on Earth.
Without a doubt one of the things I miss the most about the North is the delis and food shops. None of this half-assed Subway sandwich shit. You gotta be kidding me. Walk into a northern deli or sandwich shop and get some Boars Head meat, home baked bread, and build your sub. Chicken parm works great too, as does the classic pastrami on rye. There's really nothing I can write to do one of these places justice so I'm gonna stop here. Let me just say that these delis are reason alone to hit up school in the North.