In a perfect world — you know, one constructed by a man's hands — every office or place of business would be completely littered with steamy slam cakes for our eyes to enjoy. During the work week (in this ideal world) men would get to spend those seven unproductive hours of each day gawking at the 8's, 9's, and 10's that pass by our offices on their way to the break room to brew us a fresh pot of coffee. Just think about it, if hot tits and luscious asses were everywhere, meetings would become a joy to attend, the suicide rates of accountants would decline exponentially, and the lines in the corporate cafeterias would look like a cat walk at a god damn fashion show.
Spoiler alert: This isn't a perfect world and that above delusion of grandeur only exists in adult entertainmentography plots. In reality, the majority of broads in the American office place both look and smell like cow shit. So rather than starring at wall-to-wall T&A, most men spend their work days surfing the internet, fighting to stay awake in meaningless meetings, and eating lunch in a cafeteria that looks more like a convention for peoples with defunct pituitary glands than the tents at Bryant Park.
In some professions, however, you can still live the dream and spend most of your working life with hot chicks by your side. The jobs attached to this dream may not be as highly sought after or held on the same pedestal as investment banking or becoming a high-powered executive. Some of these "jobs featuring hot chicks" can be pretty lucrative, while others, well, they are emasculating to the point of your dick inverting itself. But, I guess you can always argue that at least you get to hit on babes all day while your friends are surrounded by 6-foot-wide asses and the occasional lazy-eyed 7.
Here, then, are the 10 jobs where hot chick-gawking is a perk of the profession. (Note: We kept the list to realistic jobs that most people can obtain; everything else is in honorable mention.)
Aim high and do this in South Beach. You will get to chill in one of those Baywatch towers while watching 40% of the chicks on the beach sunbathe topl*ss.
9. Professional Male Cheerleader
Believe it or not there are other jobs on this list that may be even more homoer*tic than this (see: #8). But while we are playing Ripley's favorite game, there are also men who actually do this.
8. Hair Stylist
Cutting hair for a living is a tricky situation because if you work in a salon, this job is p*ssy central but backlash is that most people will think you pump ass. Conversely, if you work in a barber shop, most people think you're straight, but at the same time it's an all day dick fest.
7. Strip Club Owner/GM
Depending on the strip club (and the town it is in), this could be either a sensational job or one that warrants projectile vomit. If you want the former, go work at an establishment like Rick's Cabaret — they invited AZ and I in for a meeting a few days ago and the place was crawling with dimes. Thanks again for the back to back to back to back free lap dances. My balls, while black and blue for days, have finally turned that yellowish recovery color.
6. Hooters Manager
I never said that these jobs would be lucrative or at all desired by a self-respected man. I just said you'd have a pool of hot babes around you. In this case, that statement is only partially true because the manager who works the lunch shift at Hooters has to deal with some real dogs. Woof.
5. Director of Human Resources and/or Investor Relations
Women in corporate America love being a part of HR and Investor Relations. One time, when I still held a normal job for a living, I walked into the HR department at my office and one of the chicks said, "Quiet down, ladies, there's a cock in the hen house." I wish this story ended in me having an orgy with all of them, but alas, it does not.
4. Fashion Photographer
If you are in the right line of photography you can spend your life flashing bulbs, pleasantries, and commands at some of our country's top models and actresses. Seems like an alright gig to me.
3. General Manager/Bartender at a Bar or Night Club
I have a close friend who does this and the amount of bartender p*ssy he has punctured is remarkable.
2. Production Assistant For Porn
If you weren't blessed with the endowment or desire to be an actual adult entertainment star, this is the next best way in. Our good friend Howie Marks can attest that this job has caused him to see his fair share of cream pies, facial blasts, and anal demolitions.
1. Personal Trainer
Gyms are packed with chicks wearing clothes so tight that their camel toe has a camel toe. The best part about this job, however, is that the broads funnel in and out all day long.
Anything in PR
Actor in a Spanish Soap Opera
Famous Actor (other than soap operas)