Last night when LeBron announced he was heading to South Beach, half the country and all of Ohio let out a loud, inevitable groan. To basketball fans in New York, Chicago, and Cleveland, the rationale behind LBJ's move to South Florida seems vaguely like something your grandparent would do: There's no state income tax, plenty of warm weather and sunshine come January, and, just like your grandparents' retired bridge club, all his friends are there.
In Miami, however, the LeBron, D-Wade, and Bosh super-trio makes courtside seats at Miami Heat games as red hot as a box at the Super Bowl. We have four months of NBA off-season to break down all of the different angles, so let's start by taking a look at the 15 hottest Miami-based celebrities LeBron could hypothetically bang in his new home.
LeBron's probably not going to stay in Miami very long if he makes a power play on Dwanye Wade's girlfriend.
After gaining notoriety on "The Apprentice," real estate broker Katrina Campin is now sassin' up the small screen on "Miami Social." We imagine she would sink her teeth into the Heat's new Number Six — and probably find him his first pad.
There's no doubt that one of Bravo's fame-hungry sea-, sand-, and surf-loving socialites would put out the new man about town.
Miami's hottest hometown Hollywood hunny has been dating Peruvian filmmaker George Augusto since 2002. But, let's get serious. When's the last time you watched one of his movies? When's the last time you saw LeBron play ball? 'Nuff said.
She's a part owner of the Miami Dolphins along with her husband Marc Anthony, so clearly she's somewhat savvy with sports. However, being hitched to a five-time Grammy winner and one of the biggest Latin pop producers might sour the deal.
The Krupa Sisters
As A-list models, Joanna and Marta Krupa spend their careers jetting in between New York, Los Angeles, and Miami for photoshoots. We're pretty sure they can spare some time at American Airlines Arena during a lay-over.
Paulina Rubio Dosamantes
Mexican pop star Paulina Rubio Dosamantes has sold over 20 million albums over her two-decade career and currently resides in South Florida. She has a bun in the over, but that doesn't mean LeBron won't make passes.
Even though he's probably a loving father, Hulk Holgan will probably turn a blind eye if The King ends up banging his daughter.
Before moving to the Bahamas, Colombia's most famous export after cocaine and coffee had digs on Star Island.
If he's able to steal her away from Enrique Inglesis, it could be the sex scandal of 2011.
Pop sensation and winner of Miss South Florida USA 2011 spends a lot of time in Miami, so it shouldn't be too hard for her to track LeBron down.
Any of the girls on the "8th and Ocean"
MTV's short-lived reality TV show "Eighth and Ocean" was a carbon copy of "The Hills," except with South Beach models. We assume a few of the smoke-show models are still floating around in the Miami party scene. We doubt they play hard to get either.
She's bi, used to use crystal meth to relax, and is another part-owner of the Miami Dolphins. The only thing that would hold LeBron back from hooking up with the Black-Eyed Pea is her pesky marriage to Josh Duhamel.
She has quite the reputation for hanging out in Miami and banging star athletes. This is a lock for LBJ.
Bang Bus Amateur Porn Stars
A pretty safe fallback in case there's a career-ending injury. T.O. knows what's up.
The Miami Heat and Miami Dolphins Cheerleaders