So much talk is put into how to tell if the girl you’re with is crazy or psycho or if it’s time to break up with her. Well, although it may be far away, at some point in life, there comes a time when it’s time to find a broad and settle down with her. I’m sure most of you are dreading this day right now, but with the right girl, your wedding day won’t be all bad. At the very least, you still get to throw a kick-ass bachelor party. Since looking for qualities in a girl that go beyond whether or not you want to bang her will be a relatively new concept to most of us, here’s a list of things to look for in a girl — other than the lovey-dovey, you-complete-me bullshit — that could mean she’s the one to hang on to.
1. She’s hot.
This is a no-brainer. If you aren’t attracted to the woman who could be the mother of your children, there’s no point even being around her. Find your future MILF and happiness is sure to follow.
2. She cooks you breakfast.
Bros like to sleep in and Bros like to eat. A girl who is willing to get her ass out of bed and make breakfast for you will allow you to get some extra sleep and get a nice meal without any effort on your part. There’s nothing quite like waking up to the smell of fresh bacon. Bonus if she likes to cook in her lingerie.
3. She enjoys quality movies.
In this case, quality needs to fit your definition — for me, it’s comedies, action, and sports movies. One time I was at Best Buy with this girl, and was trying to explain to her the plot of Law Abiding Citizen, which was “this guy’s family gets killed, so he kills those killers and is still killing people from in jail,” and she was sold on the movie. Look for a girl like that; avoid the ones whose movie collections consist only of things like A Walk to Remember and P.S. I Love You.
4. She can drink, but can’t out drink you.
If you’re going to parties or other social events, it’s nice to have a girl who will drink whatever they have available, even if that means she’s going to be drinking some beer. However, once your girl starts out drinking you, you’re the one who’s doing the babysitting of the drunk, which is not fun. You will also look like a p*ssy in front of all of your Bros.
5. She understands sports and likes to watch them.
Following BroBible’s “My Dad is a Bro” contest, I’ve got to give my old man some credit here: ESPN is pretty much the only thing my mom watches, and she really enjoys hockey and lacrosse. On top of that, she actually knows what’s going on, but doesn’t try to be an expert, and doesn't freak out over minor plays. Now that’s a precedent for every Bro (and his girl) to follow.
6. She watches adult entertainment.
As long as it’s within moderation, a girl who watches adult entertainment is more likely to be willing to try new things in bed, know what to do in bed, and she definitely can’t get mad at you if she catches you watching adult entertainment. It’s a win-win situation for everybody.
7. She has her own group of friends.
Obviously you aren’t going to want to spend all your time with the same broad, no matter how amazing she is. There will be lots of times when you just want to go out with your Bros and if she doesn’t have her own friends to go out with, she’ll just text/call you and complain about how she’s lonely and misses you. No one wants a stage-5 clinger.
8. She doesn’t make you put ‘in a relationship’ on Facebook.
It’s your profile, not hers. If you want to put that you’re in a relationship with her for the whole world to see, that should be your call, not hers. The First Amendment gives you the right to leave that field blank and she should be more concerned about what’s going on in the real world, not about what your Facebook says.
9. She cleans.
Most likely, you’re a slob. Adding another slob to the mix would just be a disaster. You’re not going to change, and you shouldn’t, so the simple solution is to find a girl who will clean up your things for you. Added bonus if she decides to clean in a French maid outfit.
10. She likes your friends.
You and your Bros are going to do stupid stuff. The logical answer is to find a girl who accepts that and is okay with that. It’s also important for her to like your friends because they’re going to come over whether she likes it or not, and it’s just better if she likes it. Or, at least tolerates it with a smile.
In a perfect world, there would be a chick like this for everyone, but unfortunately, this is not a perfect world. There are far more Bros out there than there are girls who have all these traits. Having said that, there’s nothing wrong with not finding a keeper, and just finding one-nighter after one-nighter. If you’ve got any other traits of a keeper, add them to the comments below.