A man cave is formally defined in the dictionary as an area in a house frequented by a man, such as a workshop, garage, basement, or den. That definition, while technically accurate, doesn’t quite satisfy the essence of this reverent male sanctuary. Constructed from bricks made of pure testosterone, the man cave is a safe haven where men go to do what men love to do most: discuss gelatinous breasts, watch sporting events and movies, revel in their glory days, swig booze, claw at their crotch, and flick boogers on their own floor. It's a womanless cove where bonding is the only order of business and cold brew is always on tap. Anything less is unacceptable.
A proper man cave requires essential items of manliness, all of which we've previously outlined extensively. Arguably the most important element of any man cave is the biggest TV or projection screen money can buy. And to accompany that TV, you need the NFL package (among other sports bundles) and a stout collection of man-cave movies. A man-cave movie is any flick that any real man would gladly watch without wanting to kick your sissy ass afterward. Man-cave movies aren’t just limited to bad-ass action films; as long as the movie makes you want to fight, f*ck, laugh, or kill, it's fair game (adult entertainmentography not included).
You don’t need to own a man cave to maintain a good collection of manly films, so start collecting now, while you’re young, and hopefully one day you can harbor a solid collection when you do finally get your own cave. With luck, that collection will be as good as the 200 movies — which span many generations of man — listed below and over the course of the rest of the week. This is a monster list that I've broken up into multiple parts: A through C titles today, D through I on Tuesday, J through R on Wednesday, and S through Z on Thursday. If you think we've left something out of the first 200 listings, we guarantee it will show up on the 100 movie-strong Honorable Mention list on Friday. And yes, we grouped sequels, trilogies, etc., together, so actually there will be many more than 300 films listed over the course of this week.
I took the liberty of pulling killer quotes and providing Amazon links so you can add these movies to your collection. Get watching.
"300" (2007)
Starring: Gerard Butler
Memorable Quote: “Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty... For tonight, we dine in hell!”
"48 Hrs." (1982)
Starring: Nick Nolte, Eddie Murphy
Memorable Quote: "I've been in prison for three years. My dick gets hard if the wind blows."
"A Bronx Tale" (1993)
Starring: Robert De Niro, Chazz Palminteri
Memorable Quote: “Listen to me, kid. If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg. You dump her and you dump her fast.”
"A Few Good Men" (1992)
Starring: Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson
Memorable Quote: “You can’t handle the truth.”
"Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" (1994, ’95)
Starring: Jim Carrey, Courtney Cox, Tone Loc, Dan Marino
Memorable Quote: “Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK, and became insanely jealous… Then I’d lose thirty pounds… porkin’ his wife!”
"Airplane" (1980)
Starring: Lloyd Bridges, Leslie Nielsen, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar
Memorable Quote: “Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit drinking… Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking… Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue… Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.”
"American Gangster" (2007)
Starring: Denzel Washington, Russell Crowe, Josh Brolin
Memorable Quote: “That's a clown suit. That's a costume, with a big sign on it that says 'Arrest me.' You understand? You're too loud, you're making too much noise. Listen to me, the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room.”
"American History X" (1998)
Starring: Edward Norton
Memorable Quote: “I said: Put your mouth on the curb!”
"American Pie" (1999, ’01, ’03)
Starring: Jason Biggs, Seann William Scott, Tara Reid, Alyson Hannigan
Memorable Quote: “Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.”
"American Psycho" (2000)
Starring: Christian Bale
Memorable Quote: “I like to dissect girls. Did you know I'm utterly insane?”
"Anchor Man: The Legend of Ron Burgundy" (2004)
Starring: Will Ferrell, Steve Carell, Paul Rudd
Memorable Quote: “I'm a man who discovered the wheel and built the Eiffel Tower out of metal and brawn. That's what kind of man I am. You're just a woman with a small brain. With a brain a third the size of us. It's science.”
"Animal House" (1978)
Starring: John Belushi, Kevin Bacon
Memorable Quote: “Christ. Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the f*cking Peace Corps.”
"Any Given Sunday" (1999)
Starring: Al Pacino, Jamie Foxx, LL Cool J, Jim Brown
Memorable Quote: “You find out life's this game of inches, so is football. Because in either game — life or football — the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast, and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the f*cking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying!”
"Apollo 13" (1995)
Starring: Tom Hanks, Bill Paxton, Kevin Bacon, Gary Sinise, Ed Harris
Memorable Quote: “NASA Director: 'This could be the worst disaster NASA's ever faced.' Mission Control Flight Director Gene Krantz: 'With all due respect sir, I believe this is going to be our finest hour.' "
"Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery" (1997, ’99, ’02)
Starring: Mike Myers
Memorable Quote: “That's not your mother, it's a man, baby!”
"Back to School" (1986)
Starring: Rodney Dangerfield, Robert Downey, Jr.
Memorable Quote: “Bring us a pitcher of beer every seven minutes until somebody passes out. And then bring one every 10 minutes.”
"Back to the Future" (1985, ’89, ’90)
Starring: Michael J. Fox, Christopher Lloyd
Memorable Quote: “If my calculations are correct, when this baby hits eighty-eight miles per hour... you're gonna see some serious shit.”
"Bad Boys" (1995, 2003)
Starring: Will Smith, Martin Lawrence
Memorable Quote: “We got a new rule. From now on, you can't say the word 'flaccid' to me. This is our little 'boundary box.' We're gonna take the word 'flaccid' and put it in there with my mom's titties, and your erection problem, and we gonna close this box and we gonna throw this b*tch in the ocean. And the only way that you can get to this box is you gotta be motherf*ckin' Jacques Cousteau."
"Beverly Hills Cop" (1984, ’87)
Starring: Eddie Murphy, Judge Reinhold
Memorable Quote: [to Rosewood and Taggart] "You're gettin' more and more like me every day. Next thing you know you're gonna have Afros... big dicks and all!
"The Big Lebowski" (1998)
Starring: Jeff Bridges, John Goodman, Sam Elliot
Memorable Quote: “Donny, you're out of your element.”
"Billy Madison" (1995)
Starring: Adam Sandler, Norm MacDonald
Memorable Quote: “That Veronica Vaughn is one piece of ace, I know from experience dude. If you know what I mean.”
"Blade" (1998, 2002, ’04)
Starring: Wesley Snipes
Memorable Quote: “I promise you, you'll be dead by dawn.”
"Blade Runner" (1982)
Starring: Harrison Ford
Memorable Quote: “I don't know why he saved my life. Maybe in those last moments he loved life more than he ever had before. Not just his life — anybody's life; my life. All he'd wanted were the same answers the rest of us want. Where did I come from? Where am I going? How long have I got? All I could do was sit there and watch him die.”
"Blazing Saddles" (1974)
Starring: Cleavon Little, Gene Wilder
Memorable Quote: "Badges? (laughing) We don't need no stinking badges."
"Bloodsport" (1988)
Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme
Memorable Quote: “Time to separate the men from the boys.”
"Blow" (2001)
Starring: Johnny Depp
Memorable Quote: “Fifteen kilos of cocaine? That's nothing. I piss 15 kilos.”
"Boiler Room" (2000)
Starring: Giovanni Ribisi, Scott Caan, Vin Diesel, Ben Affleck
Memorable Quote: “They say money can't buy happiness? Look at the f*cking smile on my face. Ear to ear, baby.”
"Boogie Nights" (1997)
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Burt Reynolds, John C. Reilly, Don Cheadle
Memorable Quote: “You're not the boss of me, Jack. You're not the king of Dirk. I'm the boss of me. I'm the king of me. I'm Dirk Diggler. I'm the star. It's my big dick and I say when we roll.”
"Boondock Saints" (1999)
Starring: Willam Defoe, Sean Patrick Flannery
Memorable Quote: “They can suck my pathetic little dick, and I'll dip my nuts in marinara sauce just so the fat bastards can get a taste of home while they're at it.”
"Born on the Fourth of July" (1989)
Starring: Tom Cruise
Memorable Quote: “Don't you know what it means to me to be a Marine, Dad? Ever since I was a kid I've wanted this — I've wanted to serve my country — and I want to go. I want to go to Vietnam — and I'll die there if I have to.”
"Bourne Identity" (2002, ’04, ’07)
Starring: Matt Damon
Memorable Quote: “I swear to God, if I even feel somebody behind me, there is no measure to how fast and how hard I will bring this fight to your doorstep. I'm on my own side now.”
"Boyz N the Hood" (1991)
Starring: Cuba Gooding Jr., Morris Chestnut, Ice Cube, Laurence Fishburne
Memorable Quote: “Life would be different if God was a b*tch.”
"Braveheart" (1995)
Starring: Mel Gibson
Memorable Quote: “It's all for nothing if you don't have freedom.”
"Brewster’s Millions" (1985)
Starring: Richard Pryor, John Candy
Memorable Quote: “Monty, this is Hackensack, N.J. No scout comes here, you understand that. Trains are going through the outfield right now. But you strike this guy out, I'll take you with me tonight and get you drunk, that's a promise.”
"Brian’s Song" (1971)
Starring: James Caan, Billy Dee Williams
Memorable Quote: “I love Brian Piccolo. And tonight, when you hit your knees, please ask God to love him.”
"Bull Durham" (1988)
Starring: Kevin Costner, Tim Robbins
Memorable Quote: “Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the p*ssy, the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core adult entertainmentography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days.”
"Bullitt" (1968)
Starring: Steve McQueen
Memorable Quote: “You work your side of the street and I’ll work mine.”
COMMENTS