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Breaking Down This Week’s 12 Most Baffling Text Messages on

By / 11.02.12



Let's get started…

My Take: How can you possible be “sttuuuuuuuckkk” in this scenerio? College is like the easiest thing ever. Find out what party he's at Thursday – Saturday and rise, wash, repeat. You'll know everything you need to know about pursuing the next time you see him.


My Take: You are an oblivious fool if you think he just wanted to see your feet.


My Take: Perfectly valid excuse. Women talk all the time about how they want a guy who's ambitious and successful, so occasional last minute snares like this come with the territory. You want a guy who makes a respectable living and can shower you with Hermes handbags during the holidays? Well, unless he's blue blood with a trust fund, he's going to have to be in a relationship with someone else too: The person who writes his paychecks. And, yes, sometimes it involves taking him to dinner. Chill, he'll reschedule.


My Take: Let's just pump the brakes with this “Or just a friend” b.s. He said it back, so we'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he still has feelings for you. Bro bro was with you for four freakin' years. Then again, he's also in a different time zone and experiencing a brief, fleeting distance-makes-the-heart-grow-stronger moment as a stranger in a strange land. I wouldn't take it too seriously. 

My Take: Psshhh. Bringing over hot chocolate? Talking about not wearing clothes? Going for “drives.”? Subtly is not your thing. His excuse of “work” is pretty much skywriting for “Look, I'm down for the easy, no-strings attached hook-ups, but hell no I don't want a relationship right now.” Try to be a little more discreet, girl.

My Take: Hmmmm, me thinks someone isn't telling the whole story here. Yes, I'm looking at you, HeTexted uploader. I'm going to paint a picture of what I think happened: You hung out with the FRIENDS of the guy you were on-again, off-again seeing instead of with the actual guy. You only have your self to blame for him being pissed at you. Clearly it's a classic case of actions showing mixed messages.


My Take: He probably means it. 

My take: How many relationship tragedies have been caused simply by a phone battery dying while someone was at a bar? WAY TOO MANY. Someday I'm going to recruit an electrical engineer to patent phone recharging vending machines to put in bars just to stop this sort of thing from happening. I'll make bank! But anyway, it's pretty obvious what happened here: Cookies was lame so you moved on to somewhere else. But you didn't tell him and bro bro went chasing after you just to say whats up. He has zero clue you want to date him (and the assumption that he does is ridiculous in itself), but he's probably kinda like WTF?! since you weren't at the bar you told him you'd be at. 

My Take: Da fuck? There aren't enough clues here to tell what this dude wants besides SOMETHING TO EAT. Seems like bro bro here is hungry and just wants some companionship to watch him stuff his face “with something light.” However, here's where a simple gesture can speak louder than words. If you were to, say, just make him a sandwich and tell him to come over to eat it, he'll maybe start considering what it would take to be “more than just friends.” It's a classic, primitive truism dating back to when we were just slightly evolved apes in a cave: The road to a man's heart is through his stomach. Couldn't apply more here.

My Take: No, he's not mad…. He's furious. You ate his treasured snack. I hope you've known him or been with him for a while, because this is treading on dealbreaker territory. Think about it: He was concerned enough about leaving his bag of BBQ Fritos at your place that he sent you a text about it. They're like, what, 3.99 a bag? He could have just got a new one. His game here was pretty obvious: He wanted to come pick up the bag and subsequently see you in the process. Maybe he left it intentionally, maybe he simply forgot it. Regardless, who knows what it could have led to. But now he knows his snacks are gone, he has zero excuses for swinging by your place. Depending on what you want, it's an easy fix: Go get him a new bag.

My Take: Bro bro has mad regrets. This isn't going any further.


My Take: Wow, wow. 30 minutes? That's a HIKE. If you want him to come over, you probably shouldn't refer to it as a “CUTE night.” That makes me think you're going to force-feed this guy “Couples Retreat” while oogling over your cats. Maybe suggest some specific activities here. 


Props to for the messages to screencap. 

TAGSText messagesTextingtexting etiquette
Brandon Wenerd
About Brandon Wenerd... Brandon Wenerd is BroBible's senior editor, guru of @brotips, and director of strategic partnerships. He joined BroBible in the fall of 2009 after graduating from Penn State. When he’s not writing, Brandon enjoys fishing, Phish, Philly sports, Dewey Beach, supporting live music, hot sauce, and beer. E-mail him with post ideas and news tips:

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