Over the past couple of years, Twitter played host to a few unexpected trends: Parody accounts proliferated. Corporations started talking like your stoner roommate. Chris Brown led the world's dumbest army.
Perhaps the most simultaneously annoying and interesting trend, though, is the move toward every one and their 12-year-old sister dedicating an account to a "problem." The mania started innocuously. Acccounts were created for problems that millions of people go through daily—post-grad problems, college problems, athlete problems. This was fine. But then we watched these accounts spread. And grow. And become incoherent.
Suddenly, there was a Twitter profile for every kind of entitled, first-world problem you could possibly think of. Many of the accounts weren't about problems at all—just collections of quotes ripped from Katt Williams parody accounts or listings of different types of clothing brands. And the ones that did continue to list problems? For every one that told you about a problem unique to the situation ("Our library closes at 8 p.m. #collegeproblem") there were 10 that didn't ("Tired #collegeproblem").
It's time to catalog this weird, weird trend. Below is a rundown of the many, many problems you can find on Twitter. Some of these accounts are truly awful. Some are gems and should be worth a follow.
All, though, are strict adherents of today's No. 1 Internet pastime: Whining. Enjoy.
have no regretsexcept all those facebook pages you liked back in 2009, regret those
— High School Problems (@HighSchoolSuckz) March 4, 2013
i understand i was a freshmen once, but at least i wasn't that annoying
— Senior '13 Problems (@Senior13Prblms) February 13, 2013
Skipping my first class because I didn't do the assignment. #collegeproblems
— College Problems (@_collegeproblem) February 20, 2013
A small part of me died when I saw how many assignments are due at midnight tonight.
— Student Pains (@Student_Pains) March 5, 2013
The metric system. #abroadproblems
— Abroad Problems (@AbroadProblems) February 9, 2013
When you're up at 7:30AM but stay in bed wide awake for 2 hours and call it sleeping in. #PGP
— PostGradProblems (@PostGradProblem) March 2, 2013
We get it, you're cold. Drink some whiskey and STFU. #fratproblems
— FratProblems (@fratproblems) February 25, 2013
First night of pledging, the pledges will have the task of getting their entire chests waxed. Unfortunately for them, it only gets worse.
— Frat Star Problems (@FrtStarProblems) September 22, 2012
Just got the best email ever from @bonobos. "Awesome cargo shorts" is in nobody's vocabulary. Extra pockets = no sex for you. #GFP
— Gay Frat Problems (@GayFratProblems) June 30, 2011
10. Sratty Problems
My roommate is having sex right now. My entire room is shaking �������� #yougogirl
— Sratty Problems (@SrattyProblems) March 2, 2013
Have hooked up with too many of my sister's boyfriends #incest #sororitygirlproblems
— Sorority Problems (@TheSorostitutes) July 24, 2011
If you eat my food, I will go Spartan on your ass. #greekgirlproblems
— Greek Girl Problems (@GreekGirlProbs) February 17, 2013
(So yeah, this is actually "Greek" Greek. My bad.)
13. Prep Problems
Seersucker #PreppyProbs
— Prep Problems (@Proper_Problems) February 9, 2013
I spend way too much money on Essie. #essie #obsession #prepgirlproblems
— Prep Girl Problems (@PrepGirlProb) March 3, 2013
House in Cabo or house in the Azores for spring break? #choices #prepbroproblems #trustfundbaby
— PrepBroProblems (@PrepBroProblems) March 5, 2013
My Encarta CD-ROM isn't working and I have a report due tomorrow. #90sgirlproblems
— 90s Girl Problems (@90sgirlproblem) February 27, 2013
17. 90s Boy Problems
If she can't smell what The Rock is cookin', then she's too young. #90sboyproblems
— 90s Boy Problems (@90sboyproblem) February 16, 2013
18. 20s Problems
Rise and drink coffee.
— 20s problems (@Twentiesprobs) February 26, 2013
I've been dehydrated for the last three years. #whitegirlproblems
— White Girl Problems (@whitegrlproblem) March 1, 2013
Throw shade in my mentions all you want. Just make sure you include your body measurements at the end. #blackgirlproblems
— Black Girl Problems (@blkgrlprblms) October 18, 2012
Oh wait. Am I still at my bar and drinking for free? You wish you were blonde. #bgwin
— Blonde Girl Problems (@blondgrlproblm) February 24, 2013
BRUNETTE HAIR FOREVER ����
— Brunette Problems(@WilddBrunette) March 4, 2013
23. Bitch Problems
Fuck school, I'm going to marry someone rich.
— Bitch Problems (@bitchprblmz) March 5, 2013
I think everyday should include champagne #pgp
— Pretty Girl Problems (@PrettyGrlProb) February 17, 2013
why do makeup when you can just strip naked and roll around in broken glass and feel the exact same way
— Ugly People Problems (@Uglypeopleunite) March 1, 2013
Tax season is my favorite season. #MoMoneyNoProblems ������
— Cocky Girl Problems (@cockygirlprblms) March 2, 2013
#ThingsGirlsLike height.
— Tall Girl Problems (@TallGrlPrblms) February 27, 2013
It's hard for me to be found in a crowded place. #shortgirlproblems
— Short Girl Problems (@shortgrlprblem) March 3, 2013
In bed wishing a dealer would wake me up with weed. #stonrgrlproblems
— Stoner Girl Problems (@stonrgrlproblem) February 1, 2013
cause vampirefreaks is soooo passe now. #gothgirlproblems
— goth girl problems (@gothgirlproblem) July 22, 2012
Hot tempered and foul mouthed. #irishgirlproblems
— Irish Girl Problems (@IrishGirlProbz) February 28, 2013
32. Drunk Girl Problems (Same thing?)
The strange mixes of drunk food #drunkgirlproblems
— Drunk Girl Problems (@DrunkGirlLife) December 1, 2012
People are always asking what size they are #bigboobproblems
— Big Boob Problems (@bigboobprobs) February 27, 2013
#HowToMakeMeSmile tell me my boobs look big
— Flat Girl Problems (@Flatgrlprobz) March 5, 2013
35. Single Problems
Maybe I should get a cat. #singleprob
— Single Problems (@singleprob) March 4, 2013
Goodbyes suck.
— Boyfriend Problems (@TheBFproblems) February 27, 2013
I'm so hungry and lonely I could drink an entire bottle of vodka. #singlegirlproblems
— Single Girl Problems (@snglegrlprblms) March 5, 2013
Having an awesome place and no girls to bring over. #singleguyproblems
— Single Guy Problems (@snglgprblms) February 27, 2013
My boobs hurt.I must be pregnant.#sluttygirlproblems
— Slutty Girl Problems (@sluttygrlprobs) March 4, 2013
I hate condoms but I hate kids even more #WrapItUp
— Slutty Man Problems (@sluttymanprobs) March 4, 2013
41. Trendy Problems
I don't do 100% of outdoor activities and 56% of indoor activities. #trendyproblems
— Trendy Problems (@TrendyProblems) February 27, 2013
42. Band Problems
Half-time show in twelve minutes? Challenge accepted. #Bandproblems
— Band Problems Ⓜ (@Bandproblems) January 29, 2013
43. Hipster Problems
I think my spirit animal is extinct. #hipsterproblems
— Hipster Problems (@HipsterProblems) February 28, 2013
That awkward moment when you can't determine the sexuality of a fellow male thespian. #TheatreKidProblems
— Theatre Kid Problems (@TheatreKidLives) February 7, 2013
45. Anxiety Problems
crying all the time #anxietyprobz
— Anxiety Problems (@AnxietyProbzz) February 19, 2013
46. Party Problems
I become an excellent singer when I'm drunk
— Party Problems (@Partyprobs) March 5, 2013
47. Big Kid Problems
You can never just have ONE Thin Mint #bigkidproblems
— BigKidProblems (@BigKidProblems) February 21, 2013
48. Ginger Problems
Attempting to tan and then realizing your skin tone only has two color settings: albino and tomato. #GingerProblems
— Ginger Problems (@GingerProblems) March 4, 2013
I wish the sober me was as confident as drunk me.
— Alcoholic Problems (@AlcoholicProbzz) February 21, 2013
Oh so it's okay to sedate patients so you can watch the Grammys, but not last week so i could watch the Super Bowl?
— Male Nurse Problems (@MaleNurseProbs) February 10, 2013
