Whether we know it or not, we’ve all encountered a bar snob at some point in life.
It could have been the underage girl afraid to use her fake ID at a certain bar because of intimidating bouncers, or it could have been that same girl three years later refusing to go to any bar that doesn’t have leather seating.
Either way, or in any form, those who obstruct our ability to drink are smug yuppies who need to be put in place. This is a free country. And there's nothing worse than having your plans for the night derailed by the phrase “the bartender there doesn’t make my drink the way I like it.”
Here's how you handle those who are a bit too uptight about where they drink and what they drink:
1. Let them go up to the bar
Repeat this phrase five times so you won’t forget it: I will never go up to the bar for someone who’s notorious for complaining about what drink you get them.
Good, that was easy. Remember, there’s nothing worse than someone who is ungrateful.
2. Don’t get guilted into buying
I hate when this happens. The snobby friend concedes to where the pack wants to go and sits in the corner all night sulking. It’s a pathetic attempt for attention and it's even more pathetically self-centered than trying to change what the majority of the group wants to do and where they want to go.
Usually as a result of this behavior, the self-centered sulker is rewarded with a free drink or two, or several. Don’t give into childish behavior.
3. Choose the place, don’t let the place choose you
In essence: walk the dog, don’t let it walk you.
I can’t stand the free spirit types who think it's appropriate to walk aimlessly until the group stumbles upon “the right bar.” What is this? A bar is a bar, right? Last time I checked, they all serve alcohol—some even have seats!
I will never be able to understand the people who believe the universe gives them the answers to how their night is supposed to play out. With that kind of mindset, we’d all be destined to spin off this wild planet and fade into oblivion. Fortunately, there are those of us who can avert crowds from this insane logic and direct them to a place that all parties’ will like. It's really not too hard.
4. Drink up beforehand
The common denominator amongst all bar snobs is that they’re too sober for their own good and if someone could help change that situation, then everyone would be a lot better off. The reality is that most social debate amongst friends who are looking to go out and have fun stems from sobriety. The answer is clear, people—drink up!
5. Make your own crowd
Perhaps my number one pet peeve when I go out is people who are so close-minded they’re incapable of going anywhere where it isn’t “bumping.” The phrase “nobody goes there on Friday nights” still makes me cringe from college because it was so overused an excuse that by senior year, all I wanted to do was go to the place where nobody was.
Listen, I understand a night’s success depends on how many different people you meet and how many different off-the-wall experiences you create, and that can truly only happen in a place where there are a lot of people—I get it. However, to cross off going to a bar just because it usually doesn’t have a big crowd on a certain night is just inexcusable. Check it out for yourself. Determine whether or not you can make your own crowd (i.e. your own fun) there. If you really can’t, move onto the next one.
There’s no problem in trying something out even if the common and popular thought process is to dismiss it at face value. When this becomes the norm, conformity becomes so powerful that it can kill. It’s true. Read Lord of the Flies.