In light of the East Coast slammage, we've got a special hurricane edition of collegiate excellence. Presenting the places, people, and wondrous events magically appear on campus with every impending apocalypse: 

1. Mr. “What Hurricane?”

While the rest of the school flocks to the bread aisle, this clown just sits there with an odd smirk, taking in human social experiment with unrivaled glee. His lack of concern could be chalked up to the fact that being 5’11 and 185 Ibs automatically makes him impervious to 100 mph winds and falling trees. He also once went surfing, so therefore knows shit about the weather that you could barely even fathom. 

In conclusion, pretending to be oblivious to an impending natural disaster is clearly the best way to score chicks.   

2. Muploads

Must include a creative hashtag that includes the year in which said natural disaster occurred.

A good formula for optimal hashtagerry is is to take a current trend, add a small dose of nostalgia, and combine it all within the context of the natural disaster in question.

For #HurricaneSandy, a good idea would be to find your roommate who needs to do slightly less, take a picture with him wearing a neon tank and Kanye Glasses (the backdrop must be a hurricane-affected window), and caption the gem “#Sandstorm2k12”

3. Hurricane Parties

Quite sad, when my postrgraduately tainted Facebook feed was blowing up last night with news of various “Hurricane Parties.” Obviously the point of this isn’t to have an actual party, it’s to give a metaphorical middle finger to the school administration. The classic faking sick, spending the day at the video arcade Ferris Buellery move. Can’t attend class, but sure as hell can walk across campus to get properly wasted.

4. Ms. Zeitgeist

If you’re not making a grandiose statement pertaining #Sandstorm2k12 once every five minutes, there’s really no point of living through the hurricane in the first place.

She’s not so much living through the hurricane as much as she’s living through the fact that she’s living through the hurricane, but this is the world we live in. Hold up, I need to reach into my pocket and see if I got a text even though I didn’t feel any buzzing.

5. Facebook Status About Not Having School the Next Day

Important, because the rest of the school didn’t receive the exact same email as you, stating that school was closed. You budding news reporter, you.

• Bonus points if status begins with “BREAKING:”