Last week, I wrote an article on how college girls differ from girls in their mid 20’s. The (mostly female) comments ranged from “LOOOL sooo true please marry me” to “You’re disgusting. I hope your grandma gets hit by a bus.” I even got rebuttal’ed (totally a word) by a girl who responded with 7 Absolutely True Ways Guys Change From College To Their Mid-20s.
Well, way to steal my idea, Zuckerberg. I was getting there?
But seriously, I think the writer wrote a legitimately funny and accurate article, so instead of starting an East Coast/East Coast blog war, I’m just going to expand on her post with some less obvious ones she may have overlooked.1 Let’s start with a couple that are semi-related to her inclusions and then go completely rando from there.
And by girlfriends I don’t mean those girls who you live with and who smack you when you Like Ashley Sky pics on Instagram. I literally mean friends who happen to be girls. In college, a guy has zero use for a platonic female friend. “Wait, you guys hang out and you don’t even hook up? What are you gay, bro?”
For a mid-20’s guy, having female friends is crucial. As Samantha pointed out, mid 20’s bros show emotion and have feelings and shit. We need someone to talk to when we can’t figure out why the girl we’ve been seeing broke it off after three dates, or whether or not a girl will talk to me if I wear this particular shirt.
If you ask your mid-20’s guy friends for relationship and fashion advice, they’re just gonna find new friends.
What We Drink
It’s common knowledge that mid-20’s guys step up their drink game from college. There are two reasons why. First, you don't get any girls if you still order shitty light beer at the bar. Remember, these are mid-20’s girls we’re trying to get here—the ones who are 43% more likely to go home with you if order an expensive glass of scotch instead of Cat Piss Lite. Also, most of us have jobs in our mid-20’s so we can afford to buy beers that don’t taste like the bathroom floor at the Meadowlands.
Waking Up Early
A college bro can sleep through an entire semester if nobody ever comes into their room. There were plenty of Saturday nights in college where I’d drunk set my fantasy football lineups at, like, 3 a.m. when I got home from the bar because I knew I wouldn’t be up before the 1 p.m. games started the next day.
Guys in their mid-20’s wake up early regardless of how hard they go the night before. I’m not even talking about getting up for work. I’m talking weekends, holidays, whenever. Once we hit 26, something gets engrained in our DNA that says we have to be up by 8 a.m. no matter what we have to do the next day. The only difference between mid-20’s bros and their dads is that our dads get up and do responsible shit like mow the lawn and chop wood. We get up early, eat an ENORMOUS bowl of cereal, and then kinda just sit there for 3-4 hours until mid-day nappy time rolls around.
Sports We Play
College bros will play any sport at any time. Pickup soccer, roller hockey, fuckin’ wiffle ball, you name it. If there’s an activity going down, a college bro is there.
Guys in their mid 20’s skate to one song and one song only. Golf. OK, maybe softball too, but then I wouldn’t have been able to make that Will Ferrell reference. The point is, if a sport requires enough physical demand to where you can’t get shitfaced while playing, a mid-20’s guy wants no part of it. Plus, for the competitive mid-20’s dudes, golf is probably the only sport you can legitimately improve at as you get older. You’re not gonna dunk a basketball for the first time at 25.
How We Watch Sports
While we’re on the subject, how a college guy watches a sporting event greatly differs from the way a mid-20’s guy watches that same event. College bros all gather in the same place, get as drunk as humanly possible, and scream at the TV for four straight hours until they don’t even know what they’re yelling about anymore. If their team loses, shit will get broken.
A dude in his mid-20’s is probably watching the game by himself with a beer in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, cherishing the fact that his girlfriend left the apartment for a few hours so he can watch the game in peace and jerk off during halftime. He may clap once or twice when something exciting happens.
If his team loses, the only thing that gets broken is his spirit.