Life
by Steve Coulter on January 21, 2014

While most bros won’t admit it — and will probably leave disparaging comments below, women have a distinct advantage over men because of a little intangible thing called the friend zone. They can choose to put us there any time they’d like and, without our knowledge, keep us shackled in the dungeon for as long as they want.

What’s also important to acknowledge is that a bros plays a direct role in his own demise, whether he knows it or not; or would like to admit it or not. 

Girls might have the power to put you in the friend zone, but 100% of the time it’s because of something you said or did —and more than likely, it’s something you said.

When chasing after chicks, it’s best to say as little as possible and that way they have no reason to treat you like a friend. If you’re able to maintain an air of mystery and keep a reasonable distance, then they be intrigued and want to know more about you.

Keep them guessing and wanting more and in no time they’ll be in your bed. But reveal too much and act too playful, and you will be in the friend zone without an escape route.

Here are 10 phrases to avoid when your texting chicks you want to bring home, not become friends with: 

Haha

I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t realize how friend-zone this common phrase is until recently, but once I did, it made me completely revamp the way I respond to texts from chicks. If you have chicks that are your friend, and you have no intention of sleeping with them ever, then go right on ahead and keep using this phrase. However, when you’re trying to make a move on a girl, adding haha to the end of a text is the kiss of death. She will not only begin to sense the friend vibe, she will also take you less serious then she would have if you had just responded without trying too hard.

This category includes “LOL.” Unless you are dating a chick, throw out any happy phrases from your text vocabulary. Trying to get ass is no laughing matter; don’t treat it as such.

!

If you’re a bro who uses exclamation points when trying to woo girls, then your game is in need of a massive overhaul. As a rule of thumb, avoid any type of punctuation when texting with chicks, but definitely avoid falling into their trap and getting prematurely excited about something that may not actually happen. Even if you’re feeling confident about this one, it’s good to limit any possible risk. It’ll be a lot easier to close if she doesn’t think you’re desperate and punctuating sentences with exclamation points is the epitome of desperate.

Sorry

You won’t win anything by apologizing, so don’t do it. By putting your tail between your legs and throwing up the white flag, you’re surrendering any future chance you may have to exit the friend zone — even if the apology comes in the most casual form of conversation. If you actually did something wrong, like make out with her friend or something, then a sorry is probably necessary, but in a majority of situations it’s simply a bad choice.

You have to always act — or in this case, text — unbothered at every twist and turn, and knowing women there will be plenty of those.

Whatever roadblocks she may throw your way to rattle you and throw you off your game, don’t let her win with a slip of the finger. Typing in s-o-r-r-y is the ultimate sign of defeat.

I really like you

This probably should be higher on the list, but it’s definitely not as common the previous three phrases. With that said, if you’re typing this to a chick, you probably need to crawl into a hole somewhere and stay there for a few months.

Nothing is more desperate than the overt “I like you” attempt to corner a chick into a response. First of all, you’re only putting her in an awkward position, which all chicks hate. Secondly, you’re blatantly hoping that she has reciprocated feelings that, even if she does, she won’t confirm through text. Remember: chicks like to play hard to get and like it when guys play hard to get.

In short, this phrase enters you into a lose-lose situation, where you won’t get what you want — the affirmation she likes you back — and you will only push her further and further away from you, and probably to another guy.

Thank god

Similar to exclamation, revealing any sort of personality or emotion in your text is a hard no-no. If you managed to find your way out of a sticky situation and want to convey that to her, what sounds better: I made it home or Thank god I made it home? Always go with shorts, more compact sentences. The thank god won’t get you laid any more than saying please and thank you will get you a cheaper bill when you go out to dinner.

Most of all, the phrase thank god is redundant and over-used in general conversation. Sending it through text only hammers home the point that you’re exaggerating a story to impress her, which will reek of desperation.

Happy (Insert Holiday)

Another one I’ve fallen victim too many times to count, and I think it’s because it’s such a common practice in our society to text this phrase to everyone in our phone books come holiday season.

It’s not the gentlemen thing to do, and your mom certainly wouldn’t approve of it, but not wishing the girl your pursuing a Merry Christmas is a sure-way to get her interested in you. On the flip side, sending her a “Merry Christmas!!!” is like buying a poster that reads: “I just want to be friends!”

There will be plenty time to wish her happy holidays when you’re together face to face. Sending it through text is another example of both trying too hard and saying too much. More is less, guys. Please remember this.

How’s it going/how are you feeling

A lot of these are coming from personal experience, so trust me when I say they don’t work. Look at this from a personal perspective, would you want her randomly asking you how you were feeling? I know I wouldn’t, so apply the Golden Rule here and move onto something that will yield a much better result.

Try: is this the night we’re going to hang out naked together? It’s original, funny and to the point. Chicks like all three of those factors.

I should make note again that it’s more than fine to text this phrase to a girl who’s a friend and that you have no intention of ever sleeping with; however, it’s really problematic to ask this to someone you haven’t slept with but are trying to sleep with soon. It comes across sounding premature, like you’re in a relationship or something. This will blur lines, confuse her and result in her decision to friend zone you before you even know what you did wrong.

I’ll take it as slow as you want

Looking at this phrase makes me want to vomit, but it has been typed before and therefore belongs to be a part of this list. If there’s anything more disturbing than a bro that thinks the “taking it slow approach” is an effective method, then please feel free to let me know below. Chicks may say they want to take it slow — and they may genuinely feel that way, but they’re not searching for reaffirmation when they tell you this.

The appropriate response here is, “Damn, we could have had some amazing sex” or “Let me know if you change your mind.” Keep your response open-ended and always make them thinking that they may have missed out on something.

Any emoji or smiley faces

Again, this does the two things you try relentlessly to avoid — trying too hard and acting like a friend would. Don’t try and be cute. This is someone you’re trying to attract, not someone you’re trying to win over with smiley faces and Chinese symbols. This will not work. I repeat: this will not work.

Even the most horny and naïve girls won’t settle for someone who tries to communicate with emoji icons. You end up looking like a little child and it’s not attractive to anybody.

Anything longer than six words

If you need more than six words to convince a chick to like you, then you’re no good at this text bullshit and should only work your game through phone calls and face-to-face interaction. There’s nothing wrong with this; chicks dig guys who don’t have to hide themselves through texting.

I’ve fallen victim to texting paragraphs to chicks in either an effort to explain something or tell something about myself, so I really want bros everywhere to avoid this same mistake because it never ends well. Long texts show you’re too interested and that will alarm a chick and that will result in, you guess it, the friend zone.

If she wants an explanation or wants to know something about you, tell her you’ll tell her later. This will make her go crazy and soon enough she’ll be over to find out more about you. 

  • Reggie harrelson

    So basically you have to be the most boring monotone mother fucker alive? This is by far the worst article I’ve ever seen posted on this site. If I talked as the article said I should than there’s no point because Ill have the same odds of getting some as the nerdiest kid in princeton

    • Charleston Bro

      Dude you sound like a dumbshit who most likely lacks subtlety with girls. It’s about having girls chase you by using the law of least effort and being indifferent to what girls say because let’s face it, girls in general are usually not very interesting nor funny. Great article.

      • Rhiannon

        hold the fuck up…YOU are the one that sounds like a complete and utter fucktard. If a guy pulled any of the above shit while trying to court me, for more than a week I’d get A. bored. and/or. B. notice that clearly, this dude is just trying to get into my pants and he is the most ungenuine person I’ve talked to. women aren’t stupid…unless, I guess that’s what the men, excuse me, “bros” are trying to reel in. Random, drunk, desperate pussy with no class or intellect. And I suppose the word “Bros” can just be replaced with meat-headed imbecille who lacks any sort of definition of self or integrity. sure, just pretend to be someone else for a few weeks so you can have unfullfilling sex until you rrlealize you dont know her at all and cant stand her-and oh, by the way, she’s fucking crazy…OR you can actually get to know someone for their likes and interests and cultivate a fantastic sex life. Hmmm, a hand-full of sex for too much work pretending to be someone you aren’t or more sex than you can keep up with with someone who is actually worth it??? easy-peasy decisions. Intelligence is sexy. You know what gets you pussy? Being relatable. Being warm and caring. Sharing interests. Being genuine. that other shit gets you STDs. sounds like the “writer” was put in the friend zone so often because he might just be a terribly boring person. I’m glad it worked for someone.

        and just by the paragraphs left above, sounds like Reggie would be much better in bed than Charleston anyway.

        • Charleston Bro

          TL;DR, bitch please I connect with women all the time on many different levels and am not a meathead so nice try Rihanna. I live in a town rated with some of the best looking females in the U.S and I pull with ease and without trying hard at all like most guys do nowadays. Don’t get your panties in a wad because guys have a fucking life trying to be successful and don’t have time to send you cutesy ass texts. I flirt and use my charm with girls in person and I give them amazing sex at the end of the day, so your opinion is irrelevant in the scheme of things. P.S. guys reading this, NEVER take advice about girls from another girl, especially this girl who doesn’t know shit about shit.

          • Rhiannon

            Okie. You sound REALLY EDUCATED when all you have is personal attacks, grammar and spelling errors, and can’t spell a name correctly, even if it’s directly in front of you. You sound very successful. And since when would a man know more of what a woman would want than woman? What kind of logic does that even work on? And I never said acting like a neanderthal wouldn’t “attract bitches” or whatever the fuck you do, I said pretending to be someone you aren’t isn’t going to get you anything meaningful or worth celebrating in the long run. Anyone can get pussy. I’ve gotten more than most guys…it’s not hard. That was never the dispute. Or their level of “hotness”…so the fact that you probably live in a college town and get lots of cheap vodka-soaked pussy, is completely irrelevant. Just stay in school, please. That way next time you’ll come off as a little more educated when some chick on a site accidentally threatens your masculinity.

          • WallStreet

            You sound like a lame ass try-hard GDI with a stupid name. Trying to get validation by saying you get more pussy than most guys on some article comment section? Yeah, definite try-hard. It is quite funny how you call someone a fucktard, then get pissy about someone making personal attacks, mornic hypocrite. Also anyone who says okie is either a homo or a girl, or both. Go stick to your liberal bullshit huffington post or buzzfeed.

          • Rhiannon

            Ha! Talking about hypocrisy! And you get your information from Bro Bible! And if anyone is trying to get affirmation about how many women they’ve conquered, I think it would be the one who mentioned it first. (That was you, by the way) I only made personal comments because you (completely unprovoked) started attacking the gentleman in the comments. Wanted to let you know exactly how much of an ass you were making of yourself. And yeah, I have had relationships with both men and women, which means that I’ve been on both sides of that fence. Courting and the courted. So, I think I may have you there as far as “pussy knowledge” goes, my friend. And being a woman or LBGT isn’t anything to be ashamed of. And saying things like “go hard” just make you sound like an uneducated gangster wanna-be. Just stop while you are ahead…you’re making yourself look ridiculous. Publicly, might I add. I am secure in my femininity and womanhood and there’s really nothing you can say to shake that. I’m sorry I flustered you so badly. Maybe you have a better idea of what a real woman is like now…not some dumb college girl desperate to fuck anyone who shows her attention. An opinionated, intellectual, contributing member of society. And at least you did try to sound a little more educated this time! Anyway, you have yourself a good day now. ;)

          • Broseph Stalin

            Shut up you miserable dyke. No one cares about you or your ungodly existence. The fuck off brobible.

          • Rhiannon

            Ungodly existence? really? are you’re so holy on BroBible reading an article on how to get “premarital sex”. yeah…hypocrite. and dyke? lol, hardly. can’t be further from it actually… shows how much you actually have any fucking clue about what you’re talking about. what dyke says “okie”? and I’m married. to a man…so…now what do you have? any other intellectual gems? like this jock-ass meat-head needs your defense…I guess you all DO need internet lessons on what to do with a woman. you all seem utterly clueless. my my, has chivalry died. I hope none of you have actually procreated…I can feel our population getting more homophobic and moronic by the min…how did i even get directed to this site? lol. won’t make that mistake again. it clearly caters to one kind of person. all of you are such a waste of time…not gunna lie, it’s kind of amusing to see all of you get your conservative panties in a bunch over lil ole me. lol.

          • Rhiannon

            and why did you read this article {and feel compelled to be a douche to someone who commented on it} if you’re so “successful” and “pull women with ease”?

      • Noëlle Noir

        Sweetie, this kind of rubbish will get you nowhere with any girl. You’re obviously lying about how much you get.

  • Noëlle Noir

    I hope this is a joke.

  • A Girl

    Worst advice ever. You know what’s worse than the friendzone? The cocky asshole zone!
    Sincerely, A Girl

  • Dani

    This is disgusting. Every single piece of advice on this list is absolute bullshit.