Life
by Steve Coulter on January 21, 2014

While most bros won’t admit it — and will probably leave disparaging comments below, women have a distinct advantage over men because of a little intangible thing called the friend zone. They can choose to put us there any time they’d like and, without our knowledge, keep us shackled in the dungeon for as long as they want.

What’s also important to acknowledge is that a bros plays a direct role in his own demise, whether he knows it or not; or would like to admit it or not. 

Girls might have the power to put you in the friend zone, but 100% of the time it’s because of something you said or did —and more than likely, it’s something you said.

When chasing after chicks, it’s best to say as little as possible and that way they have no reason to treat you like a friend. If you’re able to maintain an air of mystery and keep a reasonable distance, then they be intrigued and want to know more about you.

Keep them guessing and wanting more and in no time they’ll be in your bed. But reveal too much and act too playful, and you will be in the friend zone without an escape route.

Here are 10 phrases to avoid when your texting chicks you want to bring home, not become friends with: 

Haha

I’ll be the first to admit I didn’t realize how friend-zone this common phrase is until recently, but once I did, it made me completely revamp the way I respond to texts from chicks. If you have chicks that are your friend, and you have no intention of sleeping with them ever, then go right on ahead and keep using this phrase. However, when you’re trying to make a move on a girl, adding haha to the end of a text is the kiss of death. She will not only begin to sense the friend vibe, she will also take you less serious then she would have if you had just responded without trying too hard.

This category includes “LOL.” Unless you are dating a chick, throw out any happy phrases from your text vocabulary. Trying to get ass is no laughing matter; don’t treat it as such.

!

If you’re a bro who uses exclamation points when trying to woo girls, then your game is in need of a massive overhaul. As a rule of thumb, avoid any type of punctuation when texting with chicks, but definitely avoid falling into their trap and getting prematurely excited about something that may not actually happen. Even if you’re feeling confident about this one, it’s good to limit any possible risk. It’ll be a lot easier to close if she doesn’t think you’re desperate and punctuating sentences with exclamation points is the epitome of desperate.

Sorry

You won’t win anything by apologizing, so don’t do it. By putting your tail between your legs and throwing up the white flag, you’re surrendering any future chance you may have to exit the friend zone — even if the apology comes in the most casual form of conversation. If you actually did something wrong, like make out with her friend or something, then a sorry is probably necessary, but in a majority of situations it’s simply a bad choice.

You have to always act — or in this case, text — unbothered at every twist and turn, and knowing women there will be plenty of those.

Whatever roadblocks she may throw your way to rattle you and throw you off your game, don’t let her win with a slip of the finger. Typing in s-o-r-r-y is the ultimate sign of defeat.

I really like you

This probably should be higher on the list, but it’s definitely not as common the previous three phrases. With that said, if you’re typing this to a chick, you probably need to crawl into a hole somewhere and stay there for a few months.

Nothing is more desperate than the overt “I like you” attempt to corner a chick into a response. First of all, you’re only putting her in an awkward position, which all chicks hate. Secondly, you’re blatantly hoping that she has reciprocated feelings that, even if she does, she won’t confirm through text. Remember: chicks like to play hard to get and like it when guys play hard to get.

In short, this phrase enters you into a lose-lose situation, where you won’t get what you want — the affirmation she likes you back — and you will only push her further and further away from you, and probably to another guy.

Thank god

Similar to exclamation, revealing any sort of personality or emotion in your text is a hard no-no. If you managed to find your way out of a sticky situation and want to convey that to her, what sounds better: I made it home or Thank god I made it home? Always go with shorts, more compact sentences. The thank god won’t get you laid any more than saying please and thank you will get you a cheaper bill when you go out to dinner.

Most of all, the phrase thank god is redundant and over-used in general conversation. Sending it through text only hammers home the point that you’re exaggerating a story to impress her, which will reek of desperation.

Happy (Insert Holiday)

Another one I’ve fallen victim too many times to count, and I think it’s because it’s such a common practice in our society to text this phrase to everyone in our phone books come holiday season.

It’s not the gentlemen thing to do, and your mom certainly wouldn’t approve of it, but not wishing the girl your pursuing a Merry Christmas is a sure-way to get her interested in you. On the flip side, sending her a “Merry Christmas!!!” is like buying a poster that reads: “I just want to be friends!”

There will be plenty time to wish her happy holidays when you’re together face to face. Sending it through text is another example of both trying too hard and saying too much. More is less, guys. Please remember this.

How’s it going/how are you feeling

A lot of these are coming from personal experience, so trust me when I say they don’t work. Look at this from a personal perspective, would you want her randomly asking you how you were feeling? I know I wouldn’t, so apply the Golden Rule here and move onto something that will yield a much better result.

Try: is this the night we’re going to hang out naked together? It’s original, funny and to the point. Chicks like all three of those factors.

I should make note again that it’s more than fine to text this phrase to a girl who’s a friend and that you have no intention of ever sleeping with; however, it’s really problematic to ask this to someone you haven’t slept with but are trying to sleep with soon. It comes across sounding premature, like you’re in a relationship or something. This will blur lines, confuse her and result in her decision to friend zone you before you even know what you did wrong.

I’ll take it as slow as you want

Looking at this phrase makes me want to vomit, but it has been typed before and therefore belongs to be a part of this list. If there’s anything more disturbing than a bro that thinks the “taking it slow approach” is an effective method, then please feel free to let me know below. Chicks may say they want to take it slow — and they may genuinely feel that way, but they’re not searching for reaffirmation when they tell you this.

The appropriate response here is, “Damn, we could have had some amazing sex” or “Let me know if you change your mind.” Keep your response open-ended and always make them thinking that they may have missed out on something.

Any emoji or smiley faces

Again, this does the two things you try relentlessly to avoid — trying too hard and acting like a friend would. Don’t try and be cute. This is someone you’re trying to attract, not someone you’re trying to win over with smiley faces and Chinese symbols. This will not work. I repeat: this will not work.

Even the most horny and naïve girls won’t settle for someone who tries to communicate with emoji icons. You end up looking like a little child and it’s not attractive to anybody.

Anything longer than six words

If you need more than six words to convince a chick to like you, then you’re no good at this text bullshit and should only work your game through phone calls and face-to-face interaction. There’s nothing wrong with this; chicks dig guys who don’t have to hide themselves through texting.

I’ve fallen victim to texting paragraphs to chicks in either an effort to explain something or tell something about myself, so I really want bros everywhere to avoid this same mistake because it never ends well. Long texts show you’re too interested and that will alarm a chick and that will result in, you guess it, the friend zone.

If she wants an explanation or wants to know something about you, tell her you’ll tell her later. This will make her go crazy and soon enough she’ll be over to find out more about you. 

Steve Coulter

About Steve Coulter...

Steve Coulter is a freelance write for BroBible. He compulsively spends entire paychecks to travel and see live sports, which only hemorrhages more money from his depleted bank account. In his down time, he watches too much TV and contemplates everything that's wrong with the world.

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